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LIBRARY FOR 
YOUNG PEOPLE 

A COLLECTION OF THE BEST READING 
FOR BOYS AND GIRLS 

WALTER CAMP 

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, ASSISTED BY THE FOLLOWING EDITORIAL STAFF 

CHARLES WELSH RICHARD H. DANA 

ARTHUR T. HADLEY LIEUTENANT ROBERT E. PEARY 

BENJAMIN IDE WHEELER EDWARD BROOKS 

SIR EDWIN ARNOLD PROFESSOR W. P. TRENT 

ANSON PHELPS STOKES. JR. C. G. D. ROBERTS 

BLISS CARMAN HENRY S. PRITCHETT 

CYNTHIA WESTOVER ALDEN OPIE READ 

HOWARD PYLE ABBIE FARWELL BROWN 

EDWIN KIRK RAWSON NATHAN H. DOLE 

THOMAS WENTWORTH HIGGINSON 

WITH A GENERAL INTRODUCTION BY MELVIL DEWEY 

ARRANGED BY PHILIP P. WELLS OF THE YALE 
LAW LIBRARY, AMD HARRY T. CLINTON 

ILLUSTRATED IN COLOR 'AND BLACK AND WHITE 



NEW YORK 

P. F. COLLIER £s? SON 

M C M I 1 1 



BOARD OF EDITORS 

WALTER CAMP, Editor-in-Chief. 

MELVIL DEWEY, Director of New York State Library. 

PHILIP P. WELLS, Librarian Yale Law School. 

C. G. D. ROBERTS, Editor and Historian. 

CHARLES WELSH, Author, Lecturer, Managing Editor “Young 
Folks’ Library.” 

ARTHUR T. HADLEY, President Yale University. 

BENJAMIN IDE WHEELER, President University of California. 

SIR EDWIN ARNOLD, Author, Traveller, and Poet. Author of 
“The Light of Asia,” etc. 

ANSON PHELPS STOKES, Jr., Author and Educator. Secretary 
Yale University. 

CYNTHIA WESTOVER ALDEN, Author, Editor. Founder Interna- 
tional Sunshine Society. 

HOWARD PYLE, Artist-Author. Author and Illustrator of “The 
Merry Adventures of Robin Hood.” 

EDWARD KIRK RAWSON, Author. Superintendent Naval War 
Records. 

BLISS CARMAN, Journalist and Poet. 

HENRY S. PRITCHETT, President Massachusetts Institute of Tech- 
nology. 

RICHARD HENRY DANA, Lawyer, Author and Lecturer. 

ROBERT E. PEARY, Lieutenant and Civil Engineer, U. S. N. Arctic 
Explorer, Author and Inventor. 

W. P. TRENT, Professor of English Literature, Columbia University. 

ABBIE FARWELL BROWN, Author of Children’s Stories. 

EDWARD BROOKS, Author, Superintendent Public Schools of Phila- 
delphia. 

THOMAS WENTWORTH HIGGINSON, Author. 

OPIE READ, Journalist and Author. 

NATHAN H. DOLE, Writer and Translator. 





1 











\ 






























3Llbrar\> fox l^ouno {people 

ALICE’S ADVENTURES 
IN WONDERLAND 

/ P 

AND THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS 

By LEWIS CARROLL 

», rv("" ■ v 

WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY 

ABBIE FARWELL BROWN 

I L LUSTRA TED BY \ *’ *’-•’*>* ’ V 

SIR JOHN TENNIEL AND BEATRICE STEVENS 



NEW YORK 

P. F. COLLIER fc? SON 


1903 


/ 


THE LIBRARY OF 
CONGRESS, 

Two Copies Received 

JUL 29 1903 

Copyright Entry 
(Zoccj. /. / y o 3 
CLASS OJ XXc. No. 

6 6 o£~<? 

COPY B. 



Copyright 1903 

By P. F. COLLIER & SON 


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I 


INTRODUCTION 


F the countless volumes which have been 
written since the world began, few have 
given pleasure to so many children as 
have Lewis Carroll’s “Alice” books. 
What a joy it must have been to that fond child-lover 
to know this, if, indeed, in his modesty he guessed the 
truth. For this prince of story-tellers was himself 
but a simple-hearted child, whose chief desire was to 
make some one happy in the way which was his own. 
His way was different from that of every one else. 
Like Columbus, he was the discoverer of new lands. 
He filled his little boat with children and sailed away 
to find something new for their pleasure. What he 
found was the Wonderland, Alice’s Wonderland. 
Alice herself was the first to land upon that quaint 
shore, but now every child may make a voyage there. 
Every child knows it better than the blue and red 
and green countries on the schoolroom maps. To 
the children Lewis Carroll gave their Wonderland, 
and no one can ever take it away. 

This bold Discoverer, who made his voyage for 
the sake of children, had no wish to be followed and 
questioned by grown-ups. So he chose a different 

i 



Vol. 3 


Introduction 


name for himself as Captain, a special name dear to 
his childish friends. While the Rev. Charles L. 
Dodgson was going gravely about the grounds of Ox- 
ford University among the other serious dons, the 
world learned that “Lewis Carroll” had discovered 
Wonderland. Children were shouting this joyful 
news everywhere. Who was this Lewis Carroll? 
No one knew. Still Mr. Dodgson went on perform- 
ing wonderful mathematical gymnastics, growing 
every day more famous for his learning. Lewis Car- 
roll, too, continued his voyages of wonderful discov- 
ery, and was more famous than Mr. Dodgson. But 
the grown folk could never find him when they 
wished to talk about his Wonderland and to learn 
the way thither. It was the inscription upon his 
monument which, after his death, made the whole 
world to know that the children’s best friend, the rol- 
licking story-teller and the learned Oxford scholar 
were one and the same person. Then the chronicle 
of Mr. Dodgson’s quiet life was written; and side by 
side with this was read the pleasant story of Lewis 
Carroll’s Wonderland existence among the children 
whom he loved. 

Charles Lutwidge Dodgson was born at Dares- 
bury, a tiny parish in Lancashire, England, of which 
his father was Rector. No wonder that he loved 
children and understood them so well. He grew up 
with ten little brothers and sisters of his own, for 
whom, even in those early days, he made a Wonder- 


Introduction 


land of their secluded village. He invented splen- 
did games; he had queer insects and little animals for 
pets, and made them do funny things. Many of 
these same creatures afterward appeared as quaint 
companions of Alice’s Adventures. He was espe- 
cially fond of acting little plays in a tiny theatre with 
marionettes of his own making, and he was a clever 
conjurer with his magic tricks. He was a thorough 
boy, full of fun, fond of adventure and active life. 
The eleven must have passed a very happy childhood 
at the Rectory. When twelve years old he was sent 
away to school at Richmond, and two years later he 
entered the famous Rugby school, where he was a 
fine scholar, especially at mathematics, and won many 
prizes. During the holidays he published little 
magazines at the Rectory, in which appeared his 
earliest pictures and rhymes, the queerest pictures 
and the quaintest rhymes, already showing the inimi- 
table fun of Lewis Carroll. In time he went to 
Christ Church, Oxford, where he was graduated 
with honors in 1855. After he had taken a master’s 
degree he settled in Oxford as a teacher and lecturer. 
Later he was ordained a Deacon, but he never be- 
came a Priest. At Christ Church he lived alone all 
the rest of his calm, uneventful life, known to the 
world as a very quiet, grave gentleman who, in spite 
of a slight impediment in his speech, preached excel- 
lent sermons and told excellent stories, and was a 
prodigy in mathematics. But the children knew him 
3 


Introduction 


better, though he never had any of his own. His 
other name, Lewis Carroll, was dear to them, and he 
was their jolly, fun-loving friend, ever ready to tell 
a wonderful tale or invent a brand-new game for 
their delight. 

He had hundreds of childish friends to whom he 
was devoted. Little girls were his especial pets. He 
wrote them beautiful letters, sent them presents of 
books, took them to entertainments, invited them to 
visit him, and gave them the happiest possible time. 
He kept in his old bachelor rooms all kinds of games 
and puzzles, mechanical toys which would “go” 
when wound up, and wonderful music boxes which 
played tune after tune such as children love. In his 
leisure hours he liked to go where he might find many 
children and make new friends from among them. 
He was quite at home with them and knew exactly 
what to do or say to win their confidence. Many of 
his acquaintances were made on journeys in railway 
carriages, many at that children’s Paradise, the 
beach. He always carried a supply of safety-pins 
for the benefit of little girls who wished to fasten up 
their skirts and go in wading; and his grave present 
of a pin to some eager little damsel was often the be- 
ginning of a dear friendship. He was very fond of 
boating and of walking in the country, especially 
with some little girl as his companion, when he 
would tell her the most delightful stories all the way. 

In this manner he made that first famous voyage 
4 


Introduction 


of discovery. It was on July 4, 1862, when he took 
his three little friends, Alice — the original Alice — 
Edith, and Lorina Liddell, and rowed away up the 
river. On that memorable afternoon, when the sun 
grew warm, they landed at a shady spot behind a 
hayrick; and there they found Wonderland. The 
White Rabbit, the Hatter, the Dormouse, the Duch- 
ess and the other delightful creatures now familiar to 
us all came to meet them, and Lewis Carroll drew 
their pictures for Alice and her sisters. He began to 
tell to the “cruel three,” who continually begged for 
more, a wonder-tale which was continued on succes- 
sive days, until Alice’s Adventures were finished as 
we know them. There was no thought then of mak- 
ing the story into a book. It was Alice’s own recited 
tale, and for some time it was not even written down 
for Alice to read. Then others heard the story, and 
they loved it so much that they begged Lewis Car- 
roll to let the children everywhere know about Won- 
derland. So at last it was published as a book, in 
1865, with Sir John Tenniel’s famous pictures. Since 
then it has been translated into French, German, 
Italian, and Dutch; has gone into every corner of the 
world; and has been bought by so many persons that 
Lewis Carroll might have been a rich man had he not 
chosen to give away in charities the greater part of 
the money which Alice brought him from Wonder- 
land. In 1871 came the second “Alice” book, 
“Through the Looking-Glass,” which was almost 
5 


Introduction 

as popular as the former story, of which it is a con- 
tinuation. 

During the next thirty years Mr. Dodgson lived 
very simply a life of ceaseless labor and duty. He 
published many learned books on mathematics, 
which are famous in their way. But to the children 
this seems one of Lewis Carroll’s jokes. They care 
little for his mathematics, but much for his fun; and 
after all, it is by his fun that the world will longest 
remember him. Side by side with his mathematical 
pamphlets, under his other name Mr. Dodgson pub- 
lished several books for children, each excellent in its 
own peculiar way, each a classic never to be forgot- 
ten ; yet none so dear to the hearts of children as those 
first stories of the Alice whom Lewis Carroll loved. 
Mr. Dodgson was deeply religious, but not sentimen- 
tally so. If, in his intercourse with children, he was 
sometimes inclined to puzzle themwith mathematical 
problems, he never took advantage of their friend- 
ship to “preach” at them. In their sympathy and 
confidence he found the chief pleasure of his quiet, 
lonely life. It was because Lewis Carroll never 
quite outgrew his own childhood that many of his 
little friends ceased to interest him when they were 
no longer children. They had passed him on the 
road of worldliness, a road which he never travelled 
far. With some few he retained a life-long friend- 
ship, and continued a correspondence of rare inter- 
est and charm, But most of the little friends grew 
6 


Introduction 


up before him, and left him in his perennial youth- 
fulness of mind to a new generation of children, of 
whom there was ever a fresh company to play with 
him in his Wonderland. But the fortunate children 
who had shared his personal friendship, and the thou- 
sands of other children who had known him only in 
his books, never forgot the magic charm of that Won- 
derland which he gave them. And when, on Janu- 
ary 14, 1898, the news went abroad that Lewis Car- 
roll had gone away to live forever in the best of Won- 
derlands, a whole worldful of children wept, and 
could not be comforted. 

In a sermon preached after his death Dean Paget 
dwelt upon the crowning characteristic of the man — 
“That almost curious simplicity, at times, that real 
and touching childlikeness that marked him in all 
fields of thought, appearing in his love of children 
and in their love of him, in his dread of giving pain 
to any living creature, in a certain disproportion, now 
and then, of the view he took of things — yes, and also 
in that deepest life, where the pure in heart and those 
who become as little children see the very truth and 
walk in the love and fear of God.” 

Lewis Carroll was fortunate among many. A 
magic gift, from some blest Wonderland, kept him 
ever a child at heart, and all his sweet life he spent in 
making happy his friends, the little children. Of 
such is the kingdom of heaven. 

Abbie Farwell Brown, 

7 


Introduction 


“LEWIS CARROLL” 

This was that brave Adventurer 
Upon an unknown sea, 

Who found the far, fair Wonderland, 
His galleon by an eager band 
Of little children featly manned, 

All laughing out in glee. 

Far, far away the vessel sailed 
Throughout a single night, 
Until they reached that magic shore 
No man had ever seen before — 

The Children’s Land forevermore 
He gave them as their right. 

And since that voyage venturesome, 
On every night and day, 

That Pilot with a shipful new 
Of happy children for his crew — 

Of grown-up folks a favored few — 
Has sailed the Wonder Way. 


And if upon to-morrow’s ship 
No Pilot should appear, 

So many children everywhere 
Have learned from him the thoroughfare 
To Wonderland, they still will dare 
To sail without a fear. 


But oh! their little hearts will ache, 

And oh! their eyes will dim; 

And as the ship sails, mile by mile, 

Each child will sit a little while, 

And thinking, will forget to smile — 

For sailing without him. 

— Abbie Farwell Brown 


St. Nicholas , March, 1898 


(Reprinted by permission of The Century Co.) 


8 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN 
WONDERLAND 



t 


CONTENTS 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


CHAP. 



PAGE 

I. 

DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

• • 

. . . 1 7 

II. 

THE POOL OF TEARS 

• • 

. . . 27 

III. 

A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

• 37 

IV. 

THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE 

BILL . 

• © • 4"6 

V. 

ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

• • 

• 

• 

• 

^r\ 

00 

VI. 

PIG AND PEPPER 

• © 

. . . 70 

VII. 

i 

A MAD TEA-PARTY 

• • 

OO 

• 

• 

• 

VIII. 

THE QUEEN’S CROQUET GROUND 

• • 

. . . 96 

IX. 

THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY . 

• • 

. . . 1 10 

X. 

THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

• 0 

. . . 1 22 

XI. 

WHO STOLE THE TARTS ? 

o O 

• 1 33 

XII. 

Alice’s evidence 

• • 

. 0 . 143 


JI 



All in the golden afternoon 
Full leisurely we glide ; 

For both our oars, with little skill. 

By little arms are plied. 

While little hands make vain pretence 
Our wanderings to guide. 

Ah, cruel Three! In such an hour. 
Beneath such dreamy weather. 

To beg a tale of breath too weak 
To stir the tiniest feather! 

Y et what can one poor voice avail 
Against three tongues together ? 

Imperious Prima flashes forth 
Her edict “ to begin it 99 : 

In gentler tones Secunda hopes 
“ There will be nonsense in it! ** 
While Tertia interrupts the tale 
Not more than once a minute. 

Anon, to sudden silence won. 

In fancy they pursue 
The dream-child moving through a land 
Of wonders wild and new. 

In friendly chat with bird or beast — 
And half believe it true. 


*3 







And ever, as the story drained 
The wells of fancy dry. 

And faintly strove that weary one 
To put the subject by, 

<* The rest next time — ” “ It is next time! ” 
The happy voices cry. 

Thus grew the tale of Wonderland: 

Thus slowly, one by one, 

Its quaint events were hammered out — 

And now the tale is done. 

And home we steer, a merry crew. 

Beneath the setting sun. 

Alice! A childish story take. 

And, with a gentle hand, 

Lay it where Childhood’s dreams are twined 
In Memory’s mystic band. 

Like pilgrim’s wither’d wreath of flowers 
Pluck’d in a far-off land. 


14 


CHRISTMAS GREETINGS 

[from a fairy to a child] 

Lady dear, if Fairies may 
For a moment lay aside 
Cunning tricks and elfish play, 

’Tis at happy Christmas-tide. 

We have heard the children say — 
Gentle children, whom we love — 
Long ago, on Christmas Day, 

Came a message from above. 

Still, as Christmas-tide comes round, 
They remember it again — 

Echo still the joyful sound 
“ Peace on earth, good-will to men! ** 

Yet the hearts must childlike be 
Where such heavenly guests abide; 
Unto children, in their glee, 

All the year is Christmas-tide ! 

Thus, forgetting tricks and play 
For a moment, Lady dear, 

We would wish you, if we may, 

Merry Christmas, glad New Year! 


Christmas , 1867 



CHAPTER I 

DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

A LICE was beginning to get very tired of sitting 
by her sister on the bank, and of having noth- 
ing to do : once or twice she had peeped into 
the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures 
or conversations in it, cc and what is the use of a book,” 
thought Alice, “ without pictures or converstions ? ” 

So she was considering, in her own mind (as well as 
she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and 

1 7 


Vol. 3 


2 





Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain 
would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking 
the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink 
eyes ran close by her. 

There was nothing so very remarkable in that ; nor 
did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear 
the Rabbit say to itself “ Oh dear ! Oh dear ! I shall 
be too late ! ” (when she thought it over afterward, it 
occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, 
but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but, when 
the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket , 
and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to 
her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never 
before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a 
watch to take out of it, and, burning with curiosity, 
she ran across the field after it, and was just in time to 
see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. 

In another moment down went Alice after it, never 
once considering how in the world she was to get out 
again. 

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel Tor 
some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly 
that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping 
herself before she found herself falling down what seemed 
to be a very deep well. 

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, 
for she had plenty of time as she went down to look 
about her, and to wonder what was going to happen next. 
First, she tried to look down and make out what she 
18 


Down the Rabbit-Hole 


was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything : then 
she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they 
were filled with cupboards and book-shelves : here and 
there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She 
took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed : 
it was labeled “ ORANGE MARMALADE,” but to 
her great disappointment it was empty : she did not like 
to drop the jar, for fear of killing somebody underneath, 
so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she 
fell past it. 

“ Well !” thought Alice to herself. “After such a 
fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down- 
stairs ! H ow brave they’ll all think me at home ! Why, 
I wouldn’t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top 
of the house ! ” (Which was very likely true.) 

Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to 
an end? “I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this 
time ? ” she said aloud. cc I must be getting somewhere 
near the centre of the earth. Let me see : that would 
be four thousand miles down, I think — ” (for, you see, 
Alice had learned several things of this sort in her lessons 
in the school-room, and though this was not a very good 
opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was 
on one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it 
over) “ — yes, that’s about the right distance — but then I 
wonder what Latitude or Longitude I’ve got to ? ” (Alice 
had not the slightest idea what Latitude was, or Longi- 
tude either, but she thought they were nice grand words 
to say). 


l 9 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


Presently she began again. “ I wonder if I shall fall 
right through the earth ! How funny it’ll seem to come 
out among the people that walk with their heads down- 
ward ! The antipathies, I think — ” (she was rather glad 
there was no one listening, this time, as it didn’t sound 
at all the right word) “ — but I shall have to ask them 
what the name of the country is, you know. Please, 
Ma’am, is this New Zealand? Or Australia?” (and she 
tried to curtsey as she spoke — fancy, curtseying as you’re 
falling through the air ! Do you think you could manage 
it?) “And what an ignorant little girl she’ll think me 
for asking! No, it’ll never do to ask: perhaps I shall 
see it written up somewhere.” 

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, 
so Alice soon began talking again. “ Dinah’ll miss me 
very much to-night, I should think ! ” (Dinah was the 
cat.) “ I hope they’ll remember her saucer of milk at 
tea-time. Dinah, my dear ! I wish you were down here 
with me ! There are no mice in the air. I’m afraid, but 
you might catch a bat, and that’s very like a mouse, you 
know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder ? ” And here 
Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to 
herself, in a dreamy sort of way, “ Do cats eat bats ? Do 
cats eat bats ? ” and sometimes “ Do bats eat cats ? ” for, 
you see, as she couldn’t answer either question, it didn’t 
much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was 
dozing off, and had just began to dream that she was 
walking hand in hand with Dinah, and was saying to her, 
very earnestly, “ Now, Dinah, tell me the truth : did you 
20 


Down the Rabbit-Hole 


ever eat a bat ? ” when suddenly, thump ! thump ! down 
she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the 
fall was over. 

Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her 
feet in a moment : she looked up, but it was all dark 
overhead : before her was another long passage, and the 
White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. There 
was not a moment to be lost : away went Alice like the 
wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a 
corner, “ Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it’s getting ! ” 
She was close behind it when she turned the corner, but 
the Rabbit was no longer to be seen : she found herself 
in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps 
hanging from the roof. 

There were doors all round the hall, but they were all 
locked ; and when Alice had been all the way down one 
side and up the other, trying every door, she walked 
sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to 
get out again. 

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, 
all made of solid glass : there was nothing on it but a 
tiny golden key, and Alice’s first idea was that this might 
belong to one of the doors of the hall ; but alas ! either 
the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but 
at any rate it would not open any of them. However, 
on the second time round, she came upon a low curtain 
she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door 
about fifteen inches high : she tried the little golden key 
in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted ! 

21 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


Alice opened the door and found that it led into a 
small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole : she knelt 
down and looked along the passage into the loveliest 
garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that 
dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright 
flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even 
get her head through the doorway ; “ and even if my 



head would go through,” thought poor Alice, “ it would 
be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I 
wish I could shut up like a telescope ! I think I could, 
if I only knew how to begin.” For, you see, so many 
out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice 
had begun to think that very few things indeed were 
really impossible. 

There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little 
door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she 

23 


Down the Rabbit-Hole 

might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of 
rules for shutting people up like telescopes : this time 
she found a little bottle on it (“ which certainly was not 
here before/' said Alice), and tied round the neck of the 
bottle was a paper label, with the words “ DRINK 
ME” beautifully printed on it in large letters. 

It was all very well to 
say <c Drink me,” but the 
wise little Alice was not 
going to do that in a 
hurry. “No, I’ll look 
first,” she said, “ and see 
whether it's marked 
‘ poison ’ or not ” ; for she 
had read several nice little 
stories about children who 
had got burned, and eaten 
up by wild beasts, and 
other unpleasant things, 
all because they would not 
remember the simple rules 
their friends had taught 
them : such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if you 
hold it too long ; and that, if you cut your finger very 
deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds ; and she had 
never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle 
marked “ poison,” it is almost certain to disagree with 
you, sooner or later. 

However, this bottle was not marked “poison,” so 

23 



Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


Alice ventured to taste it, and, finding it very nice (it 
had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavor of cherry-tart, custard, 
pine-apple, roast turkey, toffy, and hot buttered toast), 
she very soon finished it off. 

* * * * * H* 


# * ❖ % 

* * * * * * 

“ What a curious feeling ! ” said Alice. “ I must be 
shutting up like a telescope ! ” 

And so it was indeed : she was now only ten inches 
high, and her face brightened up at the thought that she 
was now the right size for going through the little door 
into that lovely garden. First, however, she waited for 
a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any fur- 
ther : she felt a little nervous about this ; “ for it might 
end, you know,” said Alice to herself, “in my going out 
altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be 
like then ? ” And she tried to fancy what the flame of a 
candle looks like after the candle is blown out, for she 
could not remember ever having seen such a thing. 

After a while, finding that nothing more happened, 
she decided on going into the garden at once ; but, alas 
for poor Alice ! when she got to the door, she found she 
had forgotten the little golden key, and when she went 
back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly 
reach it : she could see it quite plainly through the glass, 
and she tried her best to climb up one of the legs of the 
table, but it was too slippery ; and when she had tired 
24 


Down the Rabbit-Hole 

herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and 
cried. 

“ Come, there’s no use in crying like that ! ” said 
Alice to herself rather sharply. “ I advise you to leave 
off this minute ! ” She generally gave herself very good 
advice (though she very seldom followed it), and some- 
times she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears 
into her eyes ; and once she remembered trying to box 
her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of 
croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious 
child was very fond of pretending to be two people. 
“ But it’s no use now,” thought poor Alice, “ to pretend 
to be two people ! Why, there’s hardly enough of me 
left to make one respectable person ! ” 

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying 
under the table : she opened it, and found in it a very small 
cake, on which the words “ EAT ME” were beautifully 
marked in currants. “ Well, I’ll eat it,” said Alice, “ and 
if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key ; and if 
it makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door : 
so either way I’ll get into the garden, and I don’t care 
which happens ! ” 

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 
“ Which way ? Which way ? ” holding her hand on the 
top of her head to feel which way it was growing ; and 
she was quite surprised to find that she remained the 
same size. To be sure, this is what generally happens 
when one eats cake ; but Alice had got so much into the 
way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to 
2 5 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go 
on in the common way. 

So she set to work, and very soon finished off the 
cake. 


26 


CHAPTER II 


THE POOL OF TEARS 

“/^URIOUSER and 
curiouser ! ” cried 
Alice (she was so much sur- 
prised, that for the moment 
she quite forgot how to 
speak good English). “Now 
I’m opening out like the 
largest telescope that ever 
was ! Good-by, feet ! ” (for 
when she looked down at 
her feet, they seemed to be 
almost out of sight, they 
were getting so far off). 
“ Oh, my poor little feet, I 
wonder who will put on 
your shoes and stockings 
for you now, dears? I’m 
sure I shan’t be able ! I 
shall be a great deal too far 
off to trouble myself about 
you : you must manage the 
best way you can — but I 



2 7 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


must be kind to them,” thought Alice, “ or perhaps they 
won’t walk the way I want to go ! Let me see. I’ll give 
them a new pair of boots every Christmas.” 

And she went on planning to herself how she would 
manage it. “ They must go by the carrier,” she thought ; 
“and how funny it’ll seem, sending presents to one’s 
own feet ! And how odd the directions will look ! 

Alice s Right Foot , Esq., 

Hearthrug , 

near the Fender , 

(with Alice s love). 

Oh dear, what nonsense I’m talking ! ” 

Just at this moment her head struck against the roof 
of the hall : in fact she was now rather more than nine 
feet high, and she at once took up the little golden key 
and hurried off to the garden door. 

Poor Alice ! It was as much as she could do, lying 
down on one side, to look through into the garden with 
one eye ; but to get through was more hopeless than 
ever : she sat down and began to cry again. 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said Alice, 
“ a great girl like you” (she might well say this), “ to 
go on crying in this way ! Stop this moment, I tell 
you ! ” But she went on all the same, shedding gallons 
of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about 
four inches deep, and reaching half down the hall. 

After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the 
distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was 
28 


The Pool of Tears 


coming. It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly 
dressed, with a pair of white kid-gloves in one hand and 
a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a 



great hurry, muttering to himself, as he came, c< Oh ! 
The Duchess, the Duchess ! Oh ! Won't she be savage if 
I’ve kept her waiting ! ” Alice felt so desperate that she 
was ready to ask help of any one ; so, when the Rabbit 
29 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, “ If you 
please, Sir — ” The Rabbit started violently, dropped 
the white kid-gloves and the fan, and skurried away into 
the darkness as hard as he could go. 

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was 
very hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went 
on talking. “ Dear, dear ! How queer everything is 
to-day ! And yesterday things went on just as usual. 
I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me 
think : was I the same when I got up this morning ? I 
almost think I can remember feeling a little different. 
But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in 
the world am I?’ Ah, that's the great puzzle ! ” And 
she began thinking over all the children she knew that 
were of the same age as herself, to see if she could have 
been changed for any of them. 

“ I’m sure I’m not Ada,” she said, “ for her hair 
goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn’t go in ring- 
lets at all ; and I’m sure I can’t be Mabel, for I know 
all sorts of things, and she, oh, she knows such a very 
little ! Besides, she s she, and I'm I, and — oh dear, how 
puzzling it all is ! I’ll try if I know all the things I used 
to know. Let me see : four times five is twelve, and 
four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is — oh 
dear ! I shall never get to twenty at that rate ! How- 
ever, the Multiplication-Table doesn’t signify : let’s try 
Geography. London is the capital of Paris, and Paris 
is the capital of Rome, and Rome — no, that's all wrong, 
I’m certain ! I must have been changed for Mabel ! 
30 


The Pool of Tears 


I’ll try and say £ How doth the little — ’,” and she crossed 
her hands on her lap, as if she were saying lessons, and 
began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and 
strange, and the words did not come the same as they 
used to do : — 

ft How doth the little crocodile 
Improve his shining tail. 

And pour the waters of the Nile 
On every golden scale / 

“ How cheerfully he seems to grin. 

How neatly spreads his claws. 

And welcomes little fishes in 
With gently smiling jaws ! * ’ 

cc I’m sure those are not the right words,” said poor 
Alice, and her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, 
“ I must be Mabel after all, and I shall have to go and 
live in that poky little house, and have next to no toys 
to play with, and oh, ever so many lessons to learn ! No, 
I’ve made up my mind about it : if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay 
down here ! It’ll be no use their putting their heads 
down and saying, c Come up again, dear ! ’ I shall only 
look up and say, c Who am I, then ? Tell me that first, 
and then, if I like being that person, I’ll come up: if 
not, I’ll stay down here till I’m somebody else’ — but, oh 
dear ! ” cried Alice, with a sudden burst of tears, “ I do 
wish they would put their heads down ! I am so very 
tired of being all alone here ! ” 

As she said this she looked down at her hands, and 
3i 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


was surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rab- 
bit’s little white kid-gloves while she was talking. “ How 
can I have done that ? ” she thought. “ I must be grow- 
ing small again.” She got up and went to the table to 
measure herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she 
could guess, she was now about two feet high, and was 
going on shrinking rapidly : she soon found out that the 
cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped 
it hastily, just in time to save herself from shrinking away 
altogether. 

“ That was a narrow escape ! ” said Alice, a good deal 
frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find 
herself still in existence. “ And now for the garden ! ” 
And she ran with all speed back to the little door ; but, 
alas ! the little door was shut again, and the little golden 
key was lying on the glass table as before, “ and things 
are worse than ever,” thought the poor child, “ for I 
never was so small as this before, never ! And I declare 
it’s too bad, that it is ! ” 

As she said these words her foot slipped, and in 
another moment, splash ! she was up to her chin in salt- 
water. Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen 
into the sea, “ and in that case I can go back by railway,” 
she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once 
in her life, and had come to the general conclusion that, 
wherever you go to on the English coast, you find a 
number of bathing machines in the sea, some children 
digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row 
of lodging-houses, and behind them a railway station.) 

32 


The Pool of Tears 


However, she soon made out that she was in the pool of 
tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high. 

“ I wish I hadn’t cried so much ! ” said Alice, as she 
swam about, trying to find her way out. “ I shall be 
punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my 
own tears ! That will be a queer thing, to be sure ! 
However, everything is queer to-day.” 

Just then she heard something splashing about in the 
pool a little way off, and she swam nearer to make out 



what it was : at first she thought it must be a walrus or 
hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small she 
was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse 
that had slipped in like herself. 

<c Would it be of any use, now,” thought Alice, “ to 
speak to this mouse ? Everything is so out-of-the-way 
down here, that I should think very likely it can talk : 
at any rate, there’s no harm in trying.” So she began : 
“ O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool ? I 
33 


Vol. 3 


3 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse ! ” 
(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to 
a mouse : she had never done such a thing before, but 
she remembered having seen, in her brother’s Latin 
Grammar, “A mouse — of a mouse — to a mouse — a 
mouse — O mouse ! ” The mouse looked at her rather 
inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its 
little eyes, but it said nothing. 

cc Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” thought 
Alice. u I daresay it’s a French mouse, come over with 
William the Conqueror.” (For with all her knowledge 
of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago 
anything had happened.) So she began again : “ Ou est 
ma chatte ? ” which was the first sentence in her French 
lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the 
water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. “ Oh, 
I beg your pardon ! ” cried Alice hastily, afraid that she 
had hurt the poor animal’s feelings. “ I quite forgot 
you didn’t like cats.” 

“ Not like cats ! ” cried the Mouse in a shrill, pas- 
sionate voice. “ Would you like cats, if you were me ? ” 

“ Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a soothing tone: 
“ don’t be angry about it. And yet I wish I could show 
you our cat Dinah, I think you’d take a fancy to cats, 
if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet 
thing,” Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily 
about in the pool, “ and she sits purring so nicely by the 
fire, licking her paws and washing her face — and she is 
such a nice soft thing to nurse — and she’s such a capital 
34 


The Pool of Tears 


one for catching mice — oh, I beg your pardon ! " cried 
Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all 
over, and she felt certain it must be really offended. 
a We won't talk about her any more, if you'd rather 
not." 

“ We, indeed!" cried the Mouse, who was trem- 
bling down to the end of its tail. “ As if I would talk 



on such a subject ! Our family always hated cats : nasty, 
low, vulgar things ! Don't let me hear the name 
again ! 

“ I won’t indeed ! " said Alice, in a great hurry to 
change the subject of conversation. “ Are you — are you 
fond — of — of dogs ? " The Mouse did not answer, so Alice 
went on eagerly : “ There is such a nice little dog, near 
our house, I should like to show you ! A little bright- 
eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly brown 

35 



Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


hair ! And it’ll fetch things when you throw them, and 
it’ll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things 
— I can’t remember half of them — and it belongs to a 
farmer, you know, and he says it’s so useful, it’s worth 
a hundred pounds ! He says it kills all the rats, and — 
oh dear!” cried Alice in a sorrowful tone. <c I’m afraid 
I’ve offended it again ! ” For the Mouse was swimming 
away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite 
a commotion in the pool as it went. 

So she called softly after it, “ Mouse dear ! Do come 
back again, and we won’t talk about cats, or dogs either, 
if you don’t like them ! ” When the Mouse heard this, 
it turned round and swam slowly back to her : its face 
was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said, 
in a low trembling voice, “ Let us get to the shore, and 
then I’ll tell you my history, and you’ll understand why 
it is I hate cats and dogs.” 

It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite 
crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen into 
it : there was a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, 
and several other curious creatures. Alice led the way, 
and the whole party swam to the shore. 


3b 



CHAPTER III 

A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

T HEY were, indeed, a queer-looking party that 
assembled on the bank — the birds with drag- 
gled feathers, the animals with their fur cling- 
ing close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and 
uncomfortable. 

The first question of course was, how to get dry again : 
they had a consultation about this, and after a few min- 

37 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


utes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talk- 
ing familiarly with them, as if she had known them all 
her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with 
the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say 
<c I’m older than you, and must know better.” And this 
Alice would not allow, without knowing how old it was, 
and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there 
was no more to be said. 

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of 
some authority among them, called out, “ Sit down, all 
of you, and listen to me ! I'll soon make you dry 
enough ! ” They all sat down at once, in a large ring, 
with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anx- 
iously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad 
cold if she did not get dry very soon. 

“ Ahem ! ” said the Mouse with an important air. 
“ Are you all ready ? This is the driest thing I know. 
Silence all round, if you please ! c William the Con- 
queror, whose cause was favored by the pope, was soon 
submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and 
had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and 
conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and 
Northumbria — ’ ” 

“ Ugh ! ” said the Lory, with a shiver. 

“ I beg your pardon ! ” said the Mouse, frowning, 
but very politely. “ Did you speak ? ” 

“ Not I ! ” said the Lory, hastily. 

“ I thought you did,” said the Mouse. “ I proceed. 
£ Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northum- 
3 * 


A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale 

bria, declared for him ; and even Stigand, the patriotic 
archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable — ’ ” 

“ Found what ? ” said the Duck. 

“ Found ity” the Mouse replied, rather crossly : “of 
course you know what c it ’ means.” 

“ I know what c it * means well enough, when I find a 
thing,” said the Duck ; “ it’s generally a frog, or a worm. 
The question is, what did the archbishop find ? ” 

The Mouse did not notice this question, but hur- 
riedly went on, “ c — found it advisable to go with Edgar 
Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown. 
William's conduct at first was moderate. But the 
insolence of his Normans — ’ How are you getting 
on now, my dear ? ” it continued, turning to Alice as it 
spoke. 

“ As wet as ever,” said Alice, in a melancholy tone : 
“ it doesn't seem to dry me at all.” 

“In that case,” said the Dodo, solemnly, rising to its 
feet, “ I move that the meeting adjourn, for the imme- 
diate adoption of more energetic remedies — ” 

“ Speak English !” said the Eaglet. “ I don’t know 
the meaning of half those long words, and, what’s more, 
I don't believe you do either ! ” And the Eaglet bent 
down its head to hide a smile : some of the other birds 
tittered audibly. 

“ What I was going to say,” said the Dodo in an 
offended tone, “ was, that the best thing to get us dry 
would be a Caucus-race.” 

“ What is a Caucus-race ? ” said Alice ; not that she 
39 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


much wanted to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it 
thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one else 
seemed inclined to say anything. 

“ Why,” said the Dodo, <c the best way to explain it 
is to do it.” (And, as you might like to try the thing 
yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo 
managed it.) 

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle 
(“ the exact shape doesn’t matter,” it said), and then all 
the party were placed along the course, here and there. 
There was no “ One, two, three, and away ! ” but they 
began running when they * liked, and left off when 
they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the 
race was over. However, when they had been run- 
ning half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the 
Dodo suddenly called out “ The race is over ! ” and 
they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, “ But 
who has won ? ” 

This question the Dodo could not answer without 
a great deal of thought, and it stood for a long time 
with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position 
in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures 
of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last 
the Dodo said, “ Everybody has won, and all must have 
prizes.” 

“ But who is to give the prizes ? ” quite a chorus of 
voices asked. 

“ Why, she , of course,” said the Dodo, pointing to 
Alice with one finger ; and the whole party at once crowded 
40 


A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale 

round her, calling out, in a confused way, <c Prizes ! 
Prizes ! ” 

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put 
her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits 
(luckily the salt water had not got into it), and handed 



them round as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece, 
all round. 

“ But she must have a prize herself, you know,” said 
the Mouse. 


4i 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ Of course/’ the Dodo replied very gravely. “ What 
else have you got in your pocket ? ” it went on, turning 
to Alice. 

cc Only a thimble,” said Alice sadly. 

“ Hand it over here,” said the Dodo. 

Then they all crowded round her once more, while 
the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying, 
“We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble”; 
and, when it had finished this short speech, they all 
cheered. 

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they 
all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh ; and, 
as she could not think of anything to say, she simply 
bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she 
could. 

The next thing was to eat the comfits : this caused 
some noise and confusion, as the large birds complained 
that they could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked 
and had to be patted on the back. However, it was over 
at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the 
Mouse to tell them something more. 

“You promised to tell me your history, you know,” 
said Alice, “and why it is you hate — C and D,” she 
added in a whisper, half afraid that it would be offended 
again. 

“ Mine is a long and a sad tale ! ” said the Mouse, 
turning to Alice, and sighing. 

“It is a long tail, certainly,” said Alice, looking down 
with wonder at the Mouse’s tail ; “ but why do you call 
42 


A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale 


it sad ? ” And she kept on puzzling about it while the 
Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was 
something like this : 


“Fury said to 
a mouse, That 

he met in the 


house, ‘Let 
us both go 
to law : / ' 
will prose- 
cute you . — 
Come, I’ll 
take no de- 
nial: We 
must have 


the trial ; 
For really 
this morn- 
ing I’ve 
nothing 
to do.’ 

Said the 
mouse to 
the cur, 

* Such a 
trial, dear 
sir. With 
oo jury 
or judge, 
would 
be wast- 
ing our 
breath.’ 

•I’ll be 
judge, 
ni be 
Jury, 1 
eaid 
cun- 
ning 
old 
Fury; 

•I II 
try 
the 
whole 
canto, 

• ad 

con- 
demn 
yon to 

4*»tb . 


43 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

“You are not attending!” said the Mouse to Alice, 
severely. “ What are you thinking of? ” 

“ I beg your pardon,” said Alice very humbly : “ you 
had got to the fifth bend, I think ? ” 

“I had not l ” cried the Mouse, sharply and very 
angrily. 

“ A knot ! ” said Alice, always ready to make herself 
useful, and looking anxiously about her. “ Oh, do let 
me help to undo it ! ” 

“ I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the Mouse, 
getting up and walking away. “You insult me by talk- 
ing such nonsense ! ” 

“ I didn’t mean it ! ” pleaded poor Alice. “ But 
you’re so easily offended, you know ! ” 

The Mouse only growled in reply. 

“ Please come back, and finish your story ! ” Alice 
called after it. And the others all joined in chorus, 
“ Yes, please do ! ” But the Mouse only shook its head 
impatiently, and walked a little quicker. 

“ What a pity it wouldn’t stay ! ” sighed the Lory, 
as soon as it was quite out of sight. And an old Crab 
took the opportunity of saying to her daughter, “ Ah, 
my dear ! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose 
your temper ! ” “ Hold your tongue, Ma ! ” said the 

young Crab, a little snappishly. “ You’re enough to try 
the patience of an oyster !” 

“ I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do ! ” said 
Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular. “ Shed 
soon fetch it back ! ” 


44 


A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale 

“ And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the 
question ? ” said the Lory. 

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk 
about her pet : “ Dinah’s our cat. And she’s such a 
capital one for catching mice, you can’t think ! And oh, 
I wish you could see her after the birds ! Why, she’ll 
eat a little bird as soon as look at it ! ” 

This speech caused a remarkable sensation among 
the party. Some of the birds hurried off at once : one 
old Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully, re- 
marking, “ I really must be getting home : the night-air 
doesn’t suit my throat ! ” And a Canary called out in a 
trembling voice, to its children, “ Come away, my dears ! 
It’s high time you were all in bed ! ” On various pre- 
texts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone. 

“ I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah ! ” she said to 
herself in a melancholy tone. “ Nobody seems to like 
her, down here, and I’m sure she’s the best cat in the 
world ! Oh, my dear Dinah ! I wonder if I shall ever 
see you any more ! ” And here poor Alice began to cry 
again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a 
little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of 
footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half 
hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was 
coming back to finish his story. 


45 


CHAPTER IV 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 

I T WAS the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, 
and looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had 
lost something ; and she heard it muttering to it- 
self, “ The Duchess ! The Duchess ! Oh my dear paws ! 
Oh my fur and whiskers ! She’ll get me executed, as sure 
as ferrets are ferrets ! Where can I have dropped them, 
I wonder ? ” Alice guessed in a moment that it was look- 
ing for the fan and the pair of white kid-gloves, and she 
very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but 
they were nowhere to be seen — everything seemed to have 
changed since her swim in the pool ; and the great hall, 
with the glass table and the little door, had vanished 
completely. 

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went 
hunting about, and called out to her, in an angry tone, 
<c Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here ? Run 
home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a 
fan ! Quick, now ! ” And Alice was so much frightened 
that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, 
without trying to explain the mistake that it had made. 

“ He took me for his housemaid,” she said to herself 
as she ran. “ How surprised he’ll be when he finds out 
46 


The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 


who I am ! But I’d better take him his fan and gloves 
— that is, if I can find them.” As she said this, she came 
upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright 
brass plate with the name “ W. RABBIT” engraved 
upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried 
upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary 
Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found 
the fan and gloves. 

“ How queer it seems,” Alice said to herself, “to be 
going messages for a rabbit ! I suppose Dinah ’ll be send- 
ing me on messages next ! ” And she began fancying the 
sort of thing that would happen : “ c Miss Alice ! Come 
here directly, and get ready for your walk ! ’ c Coming in 
a minute, nurse ! But I’ve got to watch this mouse-hole 
till Dinah comes back, and see that the mouse doesn’t 
get out.’ Only I don’t think,” Alice went on, “ that 
they’d let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering 
people about like that ! ” 

By this time she had found her way into a tidy little 
room with a table in the window, and on it (as she had 
hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid 
gloves : she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, 
and was just going to leave the room, when her eye 
fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking 
glass. There was no label this time with the words, 
“ DRINK ME,” but nevertheless she uncorked it and 
put it to her lips. “ I know something interesting is sure 
to happen,” she said to herself, “ whenever I eat or drink 
anything : so I’ll just see what this bottle does. I do 
47 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


hope it’ll make me grow large again, for really I’m quite 
tired of being such a tiny little thing ! ” 

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had ex- 
pected : before she had drunk half the bottle, she found 
her head pressing against the ceiling, and had to stoop to 
save her neck from being broken. She hastily put down 
the bottle, saying to herself “That’s quite enough — I hope 



I shan’t grow any more — As it is, l can’t get out at the 
door — I do wish I hadn’t drunk quite so much ! ” 

Alas ! It was too late to wish that ! She went on 
growing, and growing, and very soon had to kneel down 
on the floor : in another minute there was not even room 
for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with one 
elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round 
her head. Still she went on growing, and, as a last re- 
48 


The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 


source, she put one arm out of the window, and one foot 
up the chimney, and said to herself, “ Now I can do no 
more, whatever happens. What will become of me ? ” 

Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had 
its full effect, and she grew no larger : still it was very 
uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of 
chance of her ever getting out of the room again, no 
wonder she felt unhappy. 

“ It was much pleasanter at home, ,, thought poor 
Alice, “ when one wasn't always growing larger and 
smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits. 
I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole — and 
yet — and yet — it's rather curious, you know, this sort 
of life ! I do wonder what can have happened to me 1 
When I used to read fairy tales, I fancied that kind of 
thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle 
of one ! There ought to be a book written about me, 
that there ought ! And when I grow up I'll write one — 
but I’m grown up now,” she added in a sorrowful tone : 
“ at least there's no room to grow up any more here .” 

“But then,” thought Alice, “shall I never get any 
older than I am now ? That’ll be a comfort, one way — 
never to be an old woman — but then — always to have 
lessons to learn ! Oh, I shouldn’t like that ! ” 

“ Oh, you foolish Alice ! ” she answered herself. 
“ How can you learn lessons in here ? Why, there's 
hardly room for you , and no room at all for any lesson- 
books ! ” 

And so she went on, taking first one side and then 

49 


Vol. 3 


4 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


the other, and making quite a conversation of it alto- 
gether ; but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside, 
and stopped to listen. 

“ Mary Ann ! Mary Ann ! ” said the voice. “ Fetch 
me my gloves this moment ! ” Then came a little pat- 
tering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rab- 
bit coming to look for 
her, and she trembled till 
she shook the house, 
quite forgetting that she 
was now about a thou- 
sand times as large as the 
Rabbit, and had no rea- 
son to be afraid of it. 

Presently the Rabbit 
came up to the door, and 
tried to open it ; but, as 
the door opened inward, 
and Alice’s elbow was 
pressed hard against it, 
that attempt proved a 
failure. Alice heard it 
say to itself, “Then I’ll 
go round and get in at the window.” 

“ That you won’t ! ” thought Alice, and, after waiting 
till she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the win- 
dow, she suddenly spread out her hand, and made a 
snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything, but 
she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken 
50 



The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 

glass, from which she concluded that it was just possible 
it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something of the 
sort. 

Next came an angry voice — the Rabbit’s — “Pat! 
Pat ! Where are you ? ” And then a voice she had 
never heard before, “ Sure then I’m here ! Digging for 
apples, yer honor ! ” 

“ Digging for apples, indeed ! ” said the Rabbit, 
angrily. “Here! Come and help me out of this!” 
(Sounds of more broken glass.) 

“Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the window?” 

“ Sure, it’s an arm, yer honor ! ” (He pronounced 
it “ arrum.”) 

“ An arm, you goose ! Who ever saw one that size ? 
Why, it fills the whole window ! ” 

“ Sure, it does, yer honor : but it’s an arm for all that.” 

“ Well, it’s got no business there, at any rate : go 
and take it away ! ” 

There was a long silence after this, and Alice could 
only hear whispers now and then ; such as “ Sure, I 
don’t like it, yer honor, at all, at all ! ” “ Do as I tell 

you, you coward ! ” and at last she spread out her hand 
again, and made another snatch in the air. This time 
there were two little shrieks, and more sounds of broken 
glass. “ What a number of cucumber-frames there must 
be ! ” thought Alice. “ I wonder what they’ll do next ! 
As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they 
could ! Pm sure I don’t want to stay in here any 
longer ! ” 


5i 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


She waited for some time without hearing anything 
more : at last came a rumbling of little cart-wheels, and 
the sound of a good many voices all talking together : 
she made out the words : <c Where’s the other ladder ? — 
Why, I hadn’t to bring but one. Bill’s got the other — 
Bill ! Fetch it here, lad ! — Here, put ’em up at this 
corner — No, tie ’em together first — they don’t reach half 
high enough yet — Oh, they’ll do well enough. Don’t 
be particular — Here, Bill ! Catch hold of this rope — 
Will the roof bear ? — Mind that loose slate — Oh, it’s 
coming down ! Heads below ! ” (a loud crash) — cc Now, 
who did that ? — It was Bill, I fancy — Who’s to go down 
the chimney? — Nay, / shan’t! You do it! — That I 
won’t, then ! — Bill’s got to go down — Here, Bill ! The 
master says you’ve got to go down the chimney ! ” 

“ Oh ! So Bill’s got to come down the chimney, has 
he ? ” said Alice to herself. “ Why, they seem to put 
everything upon Bill ! I wouldn’t be in Bill’s place for 
a good deal : this fireplace is narrow, to be sure ; but I 
think I can kick a little ! ” 

She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she 
could, and waited till she heard a little animal (she 
couldn’t guess of what sort it was) scratching and scram- 
bling about in the chimney close above her : then, saying 
to herself, cc This is Bill,” she gave one sharp kick, and 
waited to see what would happen next. 

The first thing she heard was a general chorus of, 

“ There goes Bill ! ” then the Rabbit’s voice alone 

“ Catch him, you by the hedge ! ” then silence, and then 
52 


The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 


another confusion of voices — c< Hold up his head — 
Brandy now — Don’t choke him — How was it, old 
fellow ? What happened to you ? Tell us all about it ! ” 


Last came a little feeble, 
squeaking voice (“ That’s 
Bill,” thought Alice), “ Well, 
I hardly know — No more, 
thank ye ; I’m better now — 
but I’m a deal too flustered 
to tell you — all I know is, 
something comes at me like 
a Jack-in-the-box, and up I 
goes like a sky-rocket ! ” 

“ So you did, old fellow ! ” 
said the others. 

“ We must burn the 
house down ! ” said the Rab- 
bit’s voice. And Alice called 
out, as loud as she could, 
“If you do. I’ll set Dinah 
at you ! ” 

There was a dead silence 
instantly, and Alice thought 
to herself, “ I wonder what 
they will do next ! If they 
had any sense, they’d take 
the roof off.” After a min- 
ute or two, they began mov- 
ing about again, and Alice 
53 



Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


heard the Rabbit say, “ A barrowful will do, to begin 
with.” 

“ A barrowful of what ? ” thought Alice. But she 
had not long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of 
little pebbles came rattling in at the window, and some 
of them hit her in the face. “ I'll put a stop to this,” 
she said to herself, and shouted out, “ You’d better not 
do that again ! ” which produced another dead silence. 

Alice noticed, with some surprise, that the pebbles 
were all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, 
and a bright idea came into her head. “ If I eat one of 
these cakes,” she thought, cc it’s sure to make some change 
in my size ; and, as it cai^’t possibly make me larger, it 
must make me smaller, I suppose.” 

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted 
to find that she began shrinking directly. As soon as 
she was small enough to get through the door, she ran 
out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little animals 
and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, 
was in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, 
who were giving it something out of a bottle. They all 
made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared ; but she 
ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe 
in a thick wood. 

“ The first thing I’ve got to do,” said Alice to her- 
self, as she wandered about in the wood, “ is to grow to 
my right size again ; and the second thing is to find my 
way into that lovely garden. I think that will be the 
best plan.” 


54 


The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 


It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very 
neatly and simply arranged : the only difficulty was, that 
she had not the smallest idea how to set about it; and, 



while she was peering about anxiously among the trees, a 
little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in 
a great hurry. 

An enormous puppy was looking down at her with 
55 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


large round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, try- 
ing to touch her. “ Poor little thing ! ” said Alice, in a 
coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it ; but she 
was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it 
might be hungry, in which case it would be very likely 
to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing. 

Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little 
bit of stick, and held it out to the puppy : whereupon 
the puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once, 
with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick, and made 
believe to worry it: then Alice dodged behind a great 
thistle, to keep herself from being run over ; and, the 
moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy made 
another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in 
its hurry to get hold of it : then Alice, thinking it was 
very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and 
expecting every moment to be trampled under its feet, 
ran round the thistle again : then the puppy began a 
series of short charges at the stick, running a very little 
way forward each time and a long way back, and barking 
hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat down a good way 
off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its mouth, 
and its great eyes half shut. 

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making 
her escape : so she set off at once, and ran till she was 
quite tired and out of breath, and till the puppy’s bark 
sounded quite faint in the distance. 

“ And yet what a dear little puppy it was ! ” said 
Alice, as she leaned against a buttercup to rest herself, and 
56 


The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 


fanned herself with one of the leaves. “ I should have 
liked teaching it tricks very much, if — if I’d only been 
the right size to do it ! Oh dear ! I’d nearly forgotten 
that I've got to grow up again ! Let me see — how is it 
to be managed ? I suppose I ought to eat or drink 
something or other ; but the great question is, c What ? * ” 

The great question certainly was <c What ? ” Alice 
looked all round her at the flowers and the blades of 
grass, but she could not see anything that looked like 
the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances. 
There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the 
same height as herself ; and, when she had looked under 
it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to 
her that she might as well look and see what was on the 
top of it. 

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over 
the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met 
those of a large blue caterpillar, that was sitting on the 
top, with his arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, 
and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything 
else. 


57 



CHAPTER V 

ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

T HE Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for 
some time in silence : at last the Caterpillar took 
the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her 
in a languid, sleepy voice. 

“ Who are you? ” said the Caterpillar. 

58 


Advice From a Caterpillar 

This was not an encouraging opening for a conver- 
sation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “ I — I hardly know, 
Sir, just at present — at least J know who I was when I 
got up this morning, but I think I must have been 
changed several times since then.” 

“ What do you mean by that ? ” said the Caterpillar, 
sternly. “ Explain yourself! ” 

“ I can’t explain myself \ I’m afraid, Sir,” said Alice, 
“ because I’m not myself, you see.” 

“ I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly,” Alice replied, 
very politely, “ for I can’t understand it myself, to begin 
with ; and being so many different sizes in a day is very 
confusing.” 

“ It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” said 
Alice ; “ but when you have to turn into a chrysalis — 
you will some day, you know — and then after that into 
a butterfly, I should think you’ll feel it a little queer, 
won’t you ? ” 

“ Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar. 

"Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,” 
said Alice : “ all I know is, it would feel very queer 
to me .” 

“ You ! ” said the Caterpillar contemptuously. “ Who 
are you ? ” 

Which brought them back again to the beginning 
of the conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the 
Caterpillar’s making such very short remarks, and she 
59 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

drew herself up and said, very gravely, “ I think you 
ought to tell me who you are, first.” 

“ Why ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

Here was another puzzling question ; and, as Alice 
could not think of any good reason, and the Caterpillar 
seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she 
turned away. 

“ Come back ! ” the Caterpillar called after her. “ I've 
something important to say ! ” 

This sounded promising, certainly. Alice turned 
and came back again. 

“ Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Is that all ? ” said Alice, swallowing down her anger 
as well as she could. 

“ No 0 ” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had noth- 
ing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her 
something worth hearing. For some minutes it puffed 
away without speaking ; but at last it unfolded its arms, 
took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, “ So 
you think you’re changed, do you ? ” 

“ I’m afraid I am, Sir,” said Alice. “ I can’t remem- 
ber things as I used — and I don’t keep the same size for 
ten minutes together ! ” 

“ Can’t remember what things ? ” said the Cater- 
pillar. 

“ Well, I’ve tried to say, c How doth the little busy bee ,’ 
but it all came different ! ” Alice replied in a very melan- 
choly voice. 


60 


Advice From a Caterpillar 

“ Repeat, c You are old , Father William ,’ ” said the 
Caterpillar. 

Alice folded her hands, and began : 



*< You are old. Father William” the young man said, 

* ‘ And your hair has become very white ; 

And yet you incessantly stand on your head — 

Do you think , at your age , it is right ? 1 y 

“In my youth” Father William replied to his son , 

“ I feared it might injure the brain ; 

But , now that I y m perfectly sure 1 have none , 

Why , I do it again and again ” 

<< You are old,” said the youth, “ as 1 mentioned before. 
And have grown most uncommonly fat ; 

6i 



Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 



Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door — 

Pray, what is the reason of that ? * * 

“ In my youth ,” said the sage , as he shook his gray locks , 

“ I kept all my limbs very supple 

By the use of this ointment — one shilling the box — 

Allow me to sell you a couple ? ’ * 

“ You are old,” said the youth, “ and your jaws are too weak 
For anything tougher than suet ; 

Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak — 
Pray, how did you manage to do it? ” 

“ In my youth,” said his father, “ I took to the law. 

And argued each case with my wife ; 

And the muscular strength , which it gave to my jaw 
Has lasted the rest of my life ” 



Advice From a Caterpillar 





Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ You are old” said the youth y i{ one would hardly suppose 
That your eye was as steady as ever ; 

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — 

What made you so awfully clever P * * 

“ I have answered three questions , and that is enough 
Said his father. “ Don* t give yourself airs ! 

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff P 
Be offy or V ll kick you down-stairs ! ” 

“ That is not said right,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Not quite right, I’m afraid,” said Alice, timidly: 
“ some of the words have got altered.” 

“ It is wrong from beginning to end,” said the Cater- 
pillar, decidedly ; and there was silence for some minutes. 

The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 

“ What size do you want to be ? ” it asked. 

“ Oh, I’m not particular as to size,” Alice hastily re- 
plied; “only one doesn’t like changing so often, you 
know.” 

“ I don't know,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice said nothing : she had never been so much 
contradicted in all her life before, and she felt that she 
was losing her temper. 

“ Are you content now ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

“Well, I should like to be a little larger, Sir, if you 
wouldn’t mind,” said Alice : “ three inches is such a 
wretched height to be.” 

“ It is a very good height indeed ! ” said the Cater- 
pillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was 
exactly three inches high). 

64 


Advice From a Caterpillar 

“ But I’m not used to it ! ” pleaded poor Alice in a 
piteous tone. And she thought to herself, cc I wish the 
creatures wouldn't be so easily offended ! ” 

You’ll get used to it in time,” said the Caterpillar; 
and it put the hookah into its mouth, and began smoking 
again. 

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to 
speak again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took 
the hookah out of its mouth, and yawned once or twice, 
and shook itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, 
and crawled away into the grass, merely remarking, as it 
went, “ One side will make you grow taller, and the other 
side will make you grow shorter.” 

“One side of what ? The other side of what?" 
thought Alice to herself. 

“ Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just as if 
she had asked it aloud ; and in another moment it was out 
of sight. 

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom 
for a minute, trying to make out which were the two 
sides of it ; and, as it was perfectly round, she found this 
a very difficult question. However, at last she stretched 
her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off 
a bit of the edge with each hand. 

“And now which is which ? ” she said to herself, and 
nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect. 
The next moment she felt a violent blow underneath 
her chin : it had struck her foot ! 

She was a good deal frightened bv this very sudden 

65 


Vol. 3 


5 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

change, but she felt that there was no time to be lost, as 
she was shrinking rapidly : so she set to work at once 
to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed so 
closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to 
open her mouth ; but she did it at last, and managed to 
swallow a morsel of the left-hand bit. 

* * ❖ * * ❖ 

* * * * * 

$ * * $ $ $ 

<c Come, my head’s free at last ! ” said Alice in a tone 
of delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, 
when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be 
found : all she could see, when she looked down, was an 
immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk 
out a sea of green leaves that lay far below her. 

tc What can all that green stuff be ? ” said Alice. 
“ And where have my shoulders got to ? And oh, my 
poor hands, how is it I can’t see you ? ” She was mov- 
ing them about, as she spoke, but no result seemed to 
follow, except a little shaking among the distant green 
leaves. 

As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands 
up to her head, she tried to get her head down to them , 
and was delighted to find that her neck would bend 
about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had 
just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, 
and was going to dive in among the leaves, which she 
found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which 
66 


Advice From a Caterpillar 

she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her 
draw back in a hurry : a large pigeon had flown into her 
face, and was beating her violently with its wings. 

“ Serpent ! ” screamed the Pigeon. 

“ I’m not a serpent ! ” said Alice indignantly. “ Let 
me alone ! ” 

“ Serpent, I say again ! ” repeated the Pigeon, but in 
a more subdued tone, and added, with a kind of sob, 
“ I’ve tried every way, but nothing seems to suit them ! ” 

“ I haven’t the least idea what you’re talking about,” 
said Alice. 

“ I’ve tried the roots of trees, and I’ve tried banks, and 
I’ve tried hedges,” the Pigeon went on, without attend- 
ing to her ; “ but those serpents ! There’s no pleasing 
them ! ” 

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought 
there was no use in saying anything more till the Pigeon 
had finished. 

“ As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching the eggs,” 
said the Pigeon ; “ but I must be on the lookout for ser- 
pents, night and day ! Why, I haven’t had a wink of 
sleep these three weeks ! ” 

“ I’m very sorry you’ve been annoyed,” said Alice, 
who was beginning to see its meaning. 

“ And just as I’d taken the highest tree in the 
wood,” continued the Pigeon, raising its voice to a 
shriek, “ and just as I was thinking I should be free 
of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down 
from the sky ! Ugh, Serpent ! ” 

6 7 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ But I’m not a serpent, I tell you ! ” said Alice. 
“ I’m a — I’m a — ” 

tc Well ! What are you?” said the Pigeon. “ I can 
see you're trying to invent something ! ” 

“ I — I’m a little girl,” said Alice, rather doubtfully, 
as she remembered the number of changes she had gone 
through, that day. 

“ A likely story indeed ! ” said the Pigeon, in a tone 
of the deepest contempt. <c I’ve seen a good many little 
girls in my time, but never one with such a neck as that ! 
No, no ! You're a serpent ; and there's no use denying 
it. I suppose you’ll be telling me next that you never 
tasted an egg ! ” 

“ I have tasted eggs, certainly,” said Alice, who was 
a very truthful child ; “ but little girls eat eggs quite as 
much as serpents do, you know.” 

“ I don't believe it,” said the Pigeon ; “ but if they do, 
why, then they're a kind of serpent : that's all I can 
say.” 

This was such a new idea to Alice that she was quite 
silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the 
opportunity of adding, “You're looking for eggs, I 
know that well enough ; and what does it matter to me 
whether you're a little girl or a serpent ? ” 

“ It matters a good deal to me” said Alice, hastily ; 
“ but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens ; and, if I 
was, I shouldn't want yours: I don’t like them raw.” 

4< Well, be off, then ! ” said the Pigeon in a sulky 
tone, as it settled down again into its nest. Alice 
68 


Advice From a Caterpillar 

crouched down among the trees as well as she could, for 
her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, 
and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. 
After a while she remembered that she still held the 
pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work 
very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, 
and growing sometimes taller, and sometimes shorter, 
until she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her 
usual height. 

It was so long since she had been anything near the 
right size that it felt quite strange at first ; but she got 
used to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, 
as usual, “ Come, there’s half my plan done now ! How 
puzzling all these changes are ! I’m never sure what I’m 
going to be, from one minute to another ! However, 
I’ve got back to my right size : the next thing is, to get 
into that beautiful garden — how is that to be done, I 
wonder ? ” As she said this, she came suddenly upon 
an open place, with a little house in it about four feet 
high. “ Whoever lives there,” thought Alice, “ it’ll 
never do to come upon them this size : why, I should 
frighten them out of their wits ! ” So she began nib- 
bling at the right-hand bit again, and did not venture to 
go near the house till she had brought herself down to 
nine inches high. 


69 


CHAPTER VI 


PIG AND PEPPER 

F OR a minute or two she stood looking at the 
house, and wondering what to do next, when sud- 
denly a footman in livery came running out of the 
wood — (she considered him to be a footman because he 
was in livery : otherwise, judging by his face only, she 
would have called him a fish) — and rapped loudly at the 
door with his knuckles. It was opened by another foot- 
man in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a 
frog ; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered 
hair that curled all over their heads. She felt very curi- 
ous to know what it was all about, and crept a little way 
out of the wood to listen. 

The Fish-Footman began by producing from under 
his arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this 
he handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, 
“ For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to 
play croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same 
solemn tone, only changing the order of the words a 
little, “ From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess 
to play croquet.” 

Then they both bowed low, and their curls got 
entangled together. 


70 


Pig and Pepper 

Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run 
back into the wood for fear of their hearing her ; and, 
when she next peeped out, the Fish-Footman was gone, 



and the other was sitting on the ground near the door, 
staring stupidly up into the sky. 

Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. 

“ There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said the Foot- 
man, “ and that for two reasons. First, because I’m on 
the same side of the door as you are : secondly, because 

7i 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly 
hear you.” And certainly there was a most extraordinary 
noise going on within — a constant howling and sneezing, 
and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or 
kettle had been broken to pieces. 

“ Please, then,” said Alice, “ how am I to get in ? ” 

“ There might be some sense in your knocking,” the 
Footman went on, without attending to her, “if we had 
the door between us. For instance, if you were inside , 
you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.” 
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speak- 
ing, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. “ But per- 
haps he can’t help it,” she said to herself ; “ his eyes are 
so very nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he 
might answer questions — How am I to get in ? ” she 
repeated, aloud. 

“I shall sit here,” the Footman remarked, “till to- 
morrow — ” 

At this moment the door of the house opened, and 
a large plate came skimming out, straight at the Foot- 
man’s head : it just grazed his nose, and broke to pieces 
against one of the trees behind him. 

“ — or next day, maybe,” the Footman continued in 
the same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened. 

“ How am I to get in ? ” asked Alice again, in a 
louder tone. 

“Are you to get in at all ? ” said the Footman. “ That’s 
the first question, you know.” 

It was, no doubt : only Alice did not like to be told 
72 


Pig and Pepper 

so. “ It’s really dreadful,” she muttered to herself, “the 
way all the creatures argue. It’s enough to drive one 
crazy ! ” 

The Footman seemed to think this a good opportu- 
nity for repeating his remark, with variations. “ I shall 
sit here,” he said, “ on and off, for days and days.” 

“ But what am / to do ? ” said Alice. 

“ Anything you like,” said the Footman, and began 
whistling. 

“ Oh, there’s no use in talking to him,” said Alice 
desperately : “ he’s perfectly idiotic ! ” And she opened 
the door and went in. 

The door led right into a large kitchen, which was 
full of smoke from one end to the other : the Duchess 
was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing 
a baby : the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a 
large caldron which seemed to be full of soup. 

“There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup ! ” 
Alice said to herself, ajs well as she could for sneezing. 

There was certainly too much of it in the air . Even 
the Duchess sneezed occasionally ; and as for the baby, 
it was sneezing and howling alternately without a 
moment’s pause. The only two creatures in the kitchen, 
that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat, which 
was lying on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear. 

“ Please would you tell me,” said Alice, a little 
timidly, for she was not quite sure whether it was good 
manners for her to speak first, “ why your cat grins like 
that?” 


73 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

c< It's a Cheshire-Cat,” said the Duchess, “ and that’s 
why. Pig ! ” 

She said the last word with such sudden violence 
that Alice quite jumped ; but she saw in another moment 
that it was addressed to the baby, and not to her, so she 
took courage, and went on again : 



“ I didn’t know that Cheshire-Cats always grinned ; 
in fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin.” 

“ They all can,” said the Duchess ; “ and most of 
’em do.” 

“ I don’t know of any that do,” Alice said, very 
politely, feeling quite pleased to have got into a con- 
versation. 


74 


Pig and Pepper 

“ You don’t know much,” said the Duchess ; “and 
that’s a fact.” 

Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and 
thought it would be as well to introduce some other sub- 
ject of conversation. While she was trying to fix on 
one, the cook took the caldron of soup off* the fire, and 
at once set to work throwing everything within her reach 
at the Duchess and the baby — the fire-irons came first ; 
then followed a shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. 
The Duchess took no notice of them even when they 
hit her ; and the baby was howling so much already, that 
it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it 
or not. 

“ Oh, please mind what you’re doing ! ” cried Alice, 
jumping up and down in an agony of terror. “ Oh, 
there goes his precious nose ! ” as an unusually large 
saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off. 

“ If everybody minded their own business,” the 
Duchess said, in a hoarse growl, “ the world would go 
round a deal faster than it does.” 

“ Which would not be an advantage,” said Alice, who 
felt very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little 
of her knowledge. “Just think what work it would 
make with the day and night ! You see the earth takes 
twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis — ” 

“Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “chop off her 
head ! ” 

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if 
she meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily 

75 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


stirring the soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she 
went on again: “ Twenty-four hours, l think; or is it 
twelve ? I — ” 

“ Oh, don’t bother me ! ” said the Duchess. “ I never 
could abide figures ! ” And with that she began nursing 
her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did 
so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every 
line : — 

“ Speak roughly to your little boy , 

And beat him when he sneezes : 

He only does it to annoy , 

Because he knows it teases 

Chorus 

(in which the cook and the baby joined) : 

“ Wow / wow l wow ! 9 9 

While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, 
she kept tossing the baby violently up and down, and the 
poor little thing howled so, that Alice could hardly hear 
the words : 

“ I speak severely to my boy , 

I beat him when he sneezes ; 

For he can thoroughly enjoy 
The pepper when he pleases ! 99 

Chorus 

“ Wow! wow ! wow ! 99 

fC Here ! You may nurse it a bit, if you like ! ” the 
Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she 
76 


Pig and Pepper 

spoke. “ I must go and get ready to play croquet with 
the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room. The cook 
threw a frying-pan after her as she went, but it just missed 
her. 

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a 
queer-shaped little creature, and held out its arms and 
legs in all directions, “ just like a star fish,” thought Alice. 
The poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine 
when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and 
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the 
first minute or two, it was as much as she could do to 
hold it. 

As soon as she had made out the proper way of nurs- 
ing it (which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and 
then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to 
prevent its undoing itself), she carried it out into the 
open air. “ If I don’t take this child away with me,” 
thought Alice, “ they’re sure to kill it in a day or two. 
Wouldn’t it be murder to leave it behind? ” She said the 
last words out loud, and the little thing grunted in reply 
(it had left off sneezing by this time). <c Don’t grunt,” 
said Alice ; “ that’s not at all a proper way of expressing 
yourself.” 

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very 
anxiously into its face to see what was the matter with it. 
There could be no doubt that it had a very turn-up nose, 
much more like a snout than a real nose : also its eyes 
were getting extremely small for a baby : altogether Alice 
did not like the look of the thing at all. “ But perhaps 
77 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

it was only sobbing,” she thought, and looked into its 
eyes again, to see if there were any tears. 

No, there were no tears. “ If you’re going to turn 
into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seriously, “ I’ll have 
nothing more to do with you. Mind now ! ” The poor 

little thing sobbed again 
(or grunted, it was im- 
possible to say which), 
and they went on for 
some while in silence. 

Alice was just begin- 
ning to think to herself, 
“ Now, what am I to 
do with this creature, 
when I get it home ? ” 
when it grunted again, 
so violently, that she 
looked down into its 
face in some alarm. 
This time there could 
be no mistake about it : 
it was neither more nor 
less than a pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd 
for her to carry it any further. 

So she set the little creature down, and felt quite re- 
lieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood. c< If it 
had grown up,” she said to herself, “ it would have made 
a dreadfully ugly child : but it makes rather a handsome 
pig, I think.” And she began thinking over other 

78 



Pig and Pepper 

children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and 
was just saying to herself, “ if one only knew the right 
way to change them — ” when she was a little startled by 
seeing the Cheshire-Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a 
few yards off. 

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked 
good-natured, she thought : still it had very long claws 
and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be 
treated with respect. 

“ Cheshire- Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she 
did not at all know whether it would like the name : 
however, it only grinned a little wider. “ Come, it’s 
pleased so far,” thought Alice, and she went on. 
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go 
from here ? ” 

“ That depends a good deal on where you want to 
get to,” said the Cat. 

“ I don’t much care where — ” said Alice. 

“ Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the 
Cat. 

“ — so long as I get somewhere ,” Alice added as an 
explanation. 

“ Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “ if you 
only walk long enough.” 

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried 
another question. “What sort of people live about 
here ? ” 

“In that direction,” the Cat said, waving its right 
paw round, “lives a Hatter: and in that direction,” wav- 
79 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 



ing the other paw, “ lives 
a March Hare. Visit 
either you like : they’re 
both mad.” 

“ But I don’t want to 
go among mad people,” 
Alice remarked. 

“ Oh, you can’t help 
that,” said the Cat : “ we’re 
all mad here. I’m mad. 
You’re mad.” 

“ How do you know 
I’m mad? ” said Alice. 
“You must be,” said 
the Cat, “ or you wouldn’t have come here.” 

Alice didn’t think that proved it at all : however, she 
went on : “ And how do you know that you’re mad ? ” 

80 


Pig and Pepper 

“To begin with,” said the Cat, “a dog’s not mad. 
You grant that ? ” 

“ I suppose so,” said Alice. 

“Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see a dog 
growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s 
pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my 
tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.” 

“/ call it purring, not growling,” said Alice. 



“ Call it what you like,” said the Cat. “ Do you 
play croquet with the Queen to-day ? ” 

“ I should like it very much,” said Alice, “ but I 
haven’t been invited yet.” 

“ You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and vanished. 
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting 
so well used to queer things happening. While she was 
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Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


still looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly 
appeared again. 

“ By the by, what became of the baby ? ” said the 
Cat. “ I’d nearly forgotten to ask.” 

“ It turned into a pig,” Alice answered very quietly, 
just as if the Cat had come back in a natural way. 

“ I thought it would,” said the Cat, and vanished 
again. 

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but 
it did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked 
on in the direction in which the March Hare was said 
to live. <c I’ve seen hatters before,” she said to herself : 
“ the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and 
perhaps, as this is May, it won’t be raving mad — at least 
not so mad as it was in March.” As she said this, she 
looked up, and there was the Cat again sitting on a 
branch of a tree. 

“ Did you say ‘ pig,’ or c fig ’ ? ” said the Cat. 

“ I said c pig/ ” replied Alice ; cc and I wish you 
wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly : 
you make one quite giddy ! ” 

“ All right,” said the Cat ; and this time it vanished 
quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tjpil, and end- 
ing with the grin, which remained some time after the 
rest of it had gone. 

“ Well ! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought 
Alice ; “ but a grin without a cat ! It’s the most curious 
thing I ever saw in all my life ! ” 

She had not gone much further before she came in 
82 


Pig and Pepper 

sight of the house of the March Hare : she thought it 
must be the right house, because the chimneys were 
shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It 
was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer 
till she had nibbled some more of the left-hand bit of 
mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high : 
even then she walked up toward it rather timidly, saying 
to herself, “ Suppose it should be raving mad after all ! 
I almost wish I’d gone to see the Hatter instead ! ” 


¥ 


83 


CHAPTER VII 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 

T HERE was a table set out under a tree in front 
of the house, and the March Hare and the Hat- 
ter were having tea at it : a Dormouse was sitting 
between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using 
it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking 
over its head. “ Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,” 
thought Alice ; “ only as it’s asleep, I suppose it doesn’t 
mind.” 

The table was a large one, but the three were all 
crowded together at one corner of it. “ No room ! No 
room ! ” they cried out when they saw Alice coming. 
“ There’s plenty of room ! ” said Alice indignantly, and 
she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table. 

“ Have some wine,” the March Hare said in an en- 
couraging tone. 

Alice looked all round the table, but there was 
nothing on it* but tea. “ I don’t see any wine,” she 
remarked. 

“ There isn’t any,” said the March Hare. 

“ Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” said 
Alice, angrily. 


84 


A Mad Tea-Party 

“ It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without 
being invited,” said the March Hare. 

“ I didn’t know it was your table,” said Alice : “ it’s 
laid for a great many more than three.” 

“Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. He 



had been looking at Alice for some time with great 
curiosity, and this was his first speech. 

“ You should learn not to make personal remarks,” 
Alice said with some severity : “ it’s very rude.” 

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing 
this ; but all he said was, “ Why is a raven like a writing- 
desk?” 

“ Come, we shall have some fun now!” thought 

85 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

Alice. “ I’m glad they’ve begun asking riddles — I be-* 
lieve I can guess that,” she added, aloud. 

“ Do you mean that you think you can find out the 
answer to it ? ” said the March Hare. 

“ Exactly so,” said Alice. 

“ Then you should say what you mean,” the March 
Hare went on. 

“ I do,” Alice hastily replied ; “ at least — at least I 
mean what I say — that’s the same thing, you know.” 

“Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter. 
“ Why, you might just as well say that c I see what I 
eat ’ is the same thing as c I eat what I see ’ ! ” 

“You might just as well say,” added the March 
Hare, “ that c I like what I get ’ is the same thing as c I 
get what I like ’ ! ” 

“You might just as well say,” added the Dormouse, 
which seemed to be talking in its sleep, “ that c I breathe 
when I sleep ’ is the same thing as c I sleep when I 
breathe ’ ! ” 

“It is the same thing with you,” said the Hatter, 
and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat 
silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could 
remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t 
much. 

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. “ What 
day of the month is it ? ” he said, turning to Alice : he 
had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking 
at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and hold- 
ing it to his ear. 


r 


86 


A Mad Tea-Party 

Alice considered a little, and then said, “ The 
fourth." 

“ Two days wrong ! ” sighed the Hatter. “ I told 
you butter wouldn't suit the works ! ” he added, looking 
angrily at the March Hare. 

“ It was the best butter," the March Hare meekly 
replied. 

“ Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well," 
the Hatter grumbled : cc you shouldn't have put it in 
with the bread-knife." 

The March Hare took the watch and looked at it 
gloomily : then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and 
looked at it again : but he could think of nothing better 
to say than his first remark, “ It was the best butter, you 
know." 

Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some 
curiosity. “ What a funny watch ! " she remarked. “ It 
tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o’clock 
it is ! " 

“Why should it?" muttered the Hatter. “Does 
your watch tell you what year it is ? " 

“ Of course not,” Alice replied very readily : “ but 
that's because it stays the same year for such a long time 
together." 

“ Which is just the case with mine” said the Hatter. 

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark 
seemed to her to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet 
it was certainly English. “ I don't quite understand you," 
she said, as politely as she could. 

87 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the Hatter, 
and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose. 

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, 
without opening its eyes, “ Of course, of course : just 
what I was going to remark myself.” 

“ Have you guessed the riddle yet? ” the Hatter said, 
turning to Alice again. 

“ No, I give it up,” Alice replied. <c What’s the 
answer ? ” 

“ I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter. 

cc Nor I,” said the March Hare. 

Alice sighed wearily. cc I think you might do some- 
thing better with the time,” she said, “ than wasting it 
in asking riddles that have no answers.” 

“ If you knew Time as well as I do,” said the Hatter, 
“you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s him .” 

“ I don’t know what you mean,” said Alice. 

“ Of course yon don’t! ” the Hatter said, tossing his 
head contemptuously. “ I dare say you never even 
spoke to Time ! ” 

“ Perhaps not,” Alice cautiously replied ; “ but I 
know I have to beat time when I learn music.” 

“ Ah ! That accounts for it,” said the Hatter. “ He 
won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good 
terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with 
the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in 
the morning, just time to begin lessons : you’d only have 
to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in 
a twinkling ! Half-past one, time for dinner ! ” 

88 


A Mad Tea-Party 

(“ I only wish it was,” the March Hare said to itself 
in a whisper.) 

“ That would be grand, certainly,” said Alice thought- 
fully ; “ but then — I shouldn't be hungry for it, you 
know.” 

“ Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter: “ but you 
could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.” 

cc Is that the way you manage ? ” Alice asked. 



The Hatter shook his head mournfully. “ Not I !” 
he replied. “We quarrelled last March — -just before he 
went mad, you know — ” (pointing with his teaspoon at 
the March Hare,) “ — it was at the great concert given 
by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing : 

* Twinkle , twinkle , little bat! 

How I wonder what you're at !* 

You know the song, perhaps.? ” 

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Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

“ I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice. 

“ It goes on, you know,” the Hatter continued, “ in 
this way : — 

( Up above the world you fly. 

Like a tea-tray in the sky. 

Twinkle, twinkle — * 99 

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing 
in its sleep, “ Twinkle, twinkle , twinkle , twinkle — ” and 
went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it 
stop. 

“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” said the 
Hatter, “when the Queen bawled out ‘ He's murdering 
the time ! Off with his head ! ’ ” 

cc How dreadfully savage ! ” exclaimed Alice. 

“ And ever since that,” the Hatter went on in a 
mournful tone, “he won’t do a thing I ask ! It’s always 
six o’clock now.” 

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “ Is that the 
reason so many tea-things are put out here ? ” she asked. 

“Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh: “it’s 
always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things 
between whiles.” 

“ Then you keep moving round, I suppose ? ” said 
Alice. 

“ Exactly so,” said the Hatter : “ as the things get 
used up.” 

“ But what happens when you come to the beginning 
again ? ” Alice ventured to ask. 

90 


A Mad Tea-Party 

“ Suppose we change the subject,” the March Hare 
interrupted, yawning. “ I’m getting tired of this. 1 
vote the young lady tells us a story.” 

“ I’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, rather 
alarmed at the proposal. 

“ Then the Dormouse shall ! ” they both cried. 
C£ Wake up, Dormouse ! ” And they pinched it on both 
sides at once. 

The Dormouse slowly opened its eyes. <c I wasn’t 
asleep,” it said in a hoarse, feeble voice, cc I heard every 
word you fellows were saying.” 

<c Tell us a story ! ” said the March Hare. 

“ Yes, please do ! ” pleaded Alice. 

“ And be quick about it,” added the Hatter, “ or 
you’ll be asleep again before it’s done.” 

“ Once upon a time there were three little sisters,” the 
Dormouse began in a great hurry ; “ and their names 
were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie ; and they lived at the bot- 
tom of a well — ” 

“ What did they live on ? ” said Alice, who always 
took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking. 

<c They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, after 
thinking a minute or two. 

“ They couldn’t have done that, you know,” Alice 
gently remarked. “ They’d have been ill.” 

“ So they were,” said the Dormouse ; “ very ill.” 

Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what such an 
extraordinary way of living would be like, but it puzzled 
her too much : so she went on : 

9i 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ But why did they live at the bottom of a well ? ” 

“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said to 
Alice, very earnestly. 

“ I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an offended 
tone : “ so I can’t take more.” 

“You mean you can’t take less” said the Hatter: 
“ it’s very easy to take more than nothing.” 

“Nobody asked your opinion,” said Alice. 

“ Who’s making personal remarks now ? ” the Hatter 
asked triumphantly. 

Alice did not quite know what to say to this : so she 
helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and 
then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her ques- 
tion. “ Why did they live at the bottom of a well ? ” 

The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think 
about it, and then said, “It was a treacle-well.” 

“ There’s no such thing ! ” Alice was beginning very 
angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare went, “ Sh ! 
Sh ! ” and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, “ If you can’t 
be civil, you’d better finish the story for yourself.” 

“ No, please go on ! ” Alice said very humbly. “ I 
won’t interrupt you again. I dare say there may be one,” 

“ One, indeed ! ” said the Dormouse indignantly. 
However, he consented to go on. “ And so these three 
little sisters — they were learning to draw, you know — ” 

“ What did they draw ? ” said Alice, quite forgetting 
her promise. 

“Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without considering 
at all, this time. 


92 


A Mad Tea-Party 

“ I want a clean cup,” interrupted the Hatter : “ let’s 
all move one place on.” 

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse fol- 
lowed him : the March Hare moved into the Dormouse’s 
place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the 
March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got 
any advantage from the change ; and Alice was a good 
deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just 
upset the milk-jug into his plate. 

Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so 
she began very cautiously : “ But I don’t understand. 
Where did they draw the treacle from ? ” 

“You can draw water out of a water-well,” said the 
Hatter ; “ so I should think you could draw treacle out 
of a treacle-well — eh, stupid ? ” 

“ But they were in the well,” Alice said to the Dor- 
mouse, not choosing to notice this last remark. 

“ Of course they were,” said the Dormouse : “ well in.” 

This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the 
Dormouse go on for some time without interrupting it. 

“ They were learning to draw,” the Dormouse went 
on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very 
sleepy ; “ and they drew all manner of things — every- 
thing that begins with an M — ” 

“ Why with an M ? ” said Alice. 

“Why not? ” said the March Hare. 

Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and 
was going off into a doze ; but, on being pinched by the 
93 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went 
on : “ — that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, 
and the moon, and memory, and muchness — you know 
you say things are ‘ much of a muchness * — did you ever 
see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness ! ” 

“ Really, now you ask me,” said Alice, very much 
confused, “ I don’t think — ” 



“Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter. 

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could 
bear : she got up in great disgust, and walked off: the 
Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others 
took the least notice of her going, though she looked 
back once or twice, half hoping that they would call 
after her: the last time she saw them, they were trying 
to put the Dormouse into the teapot. 

94 


A Mad Tea-Party 

“ At any rate I’ll never go there again ! ” said Alice, as 
she picked her way through the wood. “ It’s the stu- 
pidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life ! ” 

Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees 
had a door leading right into it. “ That’s very curious ! ” 
she thought. “ But everything’s curious to-day. I 
think I may as well go in at once.” And in she went. 

Once more she found herself in the long hall, and 
close to the little glass table. “Now, I’ll manage better 
this time,” she said to herself, and began by taking 
the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led 
into the garden. Then she set to work nibbling at the 
mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till 
she was about a foot high : then she walked down the 
little passage : and then — she found herself at last in the 
beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the 
cool fountains. 


95 


CHAPTER VIII 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET GROUND 

A LARGE rose-tree stood near the entrance of the 
garden : the roses growing on it were white, but 
there were three gardeners at it, busily painting 
them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and 
she went nearer to watch them, and, just as she came up 
to them, she heard one of them say “ Look out, now, 
Five ! Don’t go splashing paint over me like that ! ” 

<c I couldn’t help it,” said Five, in a sulky tone. 
“ Seven jogged my elbow.” 

On which Seven looked up and said, <c That’s right, 
Five ! Always lay the blame on others ! ” 

“ Youd better not talk ! ” said Five. “ I heard the 
Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded.” 
“ What for? ” said the one who had spoken first. 

“ That’s none of your business, Two ! ” said Seven. 

“ Yes, it is his business ! ” said Five. <f And I’ll tell 
him — it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of 
onions.” 

Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun, 
“ Well, of all the unjust things — ” when his eye chanced 
to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he 

96 


The Queen’s Croquet Ground 

checked himself suddenly : the others looked round also, 
and all of them bowed low. 

“ Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, a little tim- 
idly, “ why you are painting those roses ? ” 

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. 



Two began, in a low voice, “ Why, the fact is, you see, 
Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and 
we put a white one in by mistake ; and, if the Queen 
was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, 
you know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, 
afore she comes, to — ” At this moment, Five, who had 
been anxiously looking across the garden, called out, 
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Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“The Queen! The Queen !” and the three gardeners 
instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There 
was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, 
eager to see the Queen. 

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs : these were all 
shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with 
their hands and feet at the corners : next the ten cour- 
tiers : these were ornamented all over with diamonds, and 
walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these 
came the royal children : there were ten of them, and the 
little dears came jumping merrily along, hand in hand, in 
couples : they were all ornamented with hearts. Next 
came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among 
them Alice recognized the White Rabbit : it was talking 
in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at everything that 
was said, and went by without noticing her. Then fol- 
lowed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King’s crown 
on a crimson velvet cushion ; and, last of all this grand 
procession, came THE KING AND THE QUEEN 
OF HEARTS. 

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to 
lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she 
could not remember ever having heard of such a rule 
at processions ; “ and besides, what would be the use 
of a procession,” thought she, “ if people had all to lie 
down on their faces, so that they couldn’t see it ? ” 
So she stood where she was, and waited. 

When the procession came opposite to Alice, they 
all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said, se- 
98 


The Queen’s Croquet Ground 



99 


l L.cf C 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


verely, “ Who is this ? ” She said it to the Knave of 
Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply. 

cc Idiot ! ” said the Queen, tossing her head impa- 
tiently : and, turning to Alice, she went on : cc What’s 
your name, child ? ” 

“ My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,” said 
Alice very politely ; but she added, to herself, “ Why, 
they’re only a pack of cards after all. I needn’t be afraid 
of them ! ” 

“ And who are these ? ” said the Queen, pointing to 
the three gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree ; 
for, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the 
pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the 
pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or 
soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children. 

M How should I know ! ” said Alice, surprised at her 
own courage. cc It’s no business of mine.” 

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring 
at her for a moment like a wild beast, began screaming, 
“ Off with her head ! Off with — ” 

cc Nonsense ! ” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, 
and the Queen was silent. 

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly 
said, “ Consider, my dear : she is only a child ! ” 

The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said 
to the Knave, cc Turn them over ! ” 

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. 

“ Get up ! ” said the Queen in a shrill, loud voice, and 
the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing 
ioo 


The Queen’s Croquet Ground 

to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody 
else. 

“Leave off that!” screamed the Queen. “You 



make me giddy.” And then, turning to the rose-tree, 
she went on “ What have you been doing here ? ” 

“ May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in a very 

IOI 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, “ we 
were trying — ” 

“/see!” said the Queen, who had meanwhile been 
examining the roses. “ Off with their heads ! ” and the 
procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining be- 
hind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to 
Alice for protection. 

“You shan’t be beheaded!” said Alice, and she put 
them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three 
soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for 
them, and then quietly marched off after the others. 

“ Are their heads off? ” shouted the Queen. 

“ Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty ! ” 
the soldiers shouted in reply. 

“ That’s right ! ” shouted the Queen. “ Can you play 
croquet ? ” 

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the 
question was evidently meant for her. 

“ Yes ! ” shouted Alice. 

“ Come on, then ! ” roared the Queen, and Alice 
joined the procession, wondering very much what would 
happen next. 

“ It’s — it’s a very fine day ! ” said a timid voice at her 
side. She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was 
peeping anxiously into her face. 

“Very,” said Alice. “Where’s the Duchess?” 

“ Hush ! Hush ! ” said the Rabbit in a low hurried 
tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, 
and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close 
102 


The Queen’s Croquet Ground 

to her ear, and whispered, “ She’s under sentence of 
execution.” 

“ What for ? ” said Alice. 

“ Did you say, c What a pity ! ’ ? ” the Rabbit asked. 

“ No, I didn’t,” said Alice. “ I don’t think it’s at all 
a pity. I said c What for ? ’ ” 

“ She boxed the Queen’s ears — ” the Rabbit began. 
Alice gave a little scream of laughter. “ Oh, hush ! ” 
the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. cc The Queen 
will hear you ! You see she came rather late, and the 
Queen said — ” 

c< Get to your places ! ” shouted the Queen in a voice 
of thunder, and people began running about in all direc- 
tions, tumbling up against each other : however, they got 
settled down in a minute or two, and the game began. 

Alice thought she had never seen such a curious 
croquet-ground in her life : it was all ridges and furrows : 
the croquet balls were live hedgehogs, and the mallets 
live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves 
up and stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches. 

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in manag- 
ing her flamingo : she succeeded in getting its body 
tucked away comfortably enough under her arm, with its 
legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got its 
neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the 
hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round 
and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression 
that she could not help bursting out laughing ; and, when 
she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, 
103 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had un- 
rolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away : besides 
all this, there was generally a ridge or a furrow in the way 
wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as 
the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walk- 



ing off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to 
the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed. 

The players all played at once, without waiting for 
turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedge- 
hogs ; and in a very short time the Queen was in a 
furious passion, and went stamping about and shouting, 
“ OfF with his head ! ” or “ Off with her head ! ” about 
once in a minute. 


104 


The Queen’s Croquet Ground 

Alice began to feel very uneasy : to be sure she had 
not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew 
that it might happen any minute, “ and then,” thought 
she, “ what would become of me ? They’re dreadfully 
fond of beheading people here : the great wonder is that 
there’s any one left alive ! ” 

She was looking about for some way of escape, and 
wondering whether she could get away without being seen 
when she noticed a curious appearance in the air : it 
puzzled her very much at first, but after watching it a 
minute or two she made it out to be a grin, and she said 
to herself, <c It’s the Cheshire-Cat : now I shall have 
somebody to talk to.” 

“ How are you getting on ? ” said the Cat, as soon as 
there was mouth enough for it to speak with. 

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 
“ It’s no use speaking to it,” she thought, “ till its ears 
have come, or at least one of them.” In another minute 
the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her 
flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very 
glad she had some one to listen to her. The Cat seemed 
to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no 
more of it appeared. 

“ I don’t think they play at all fairly,” Alice began, 
in rather a complaining tone, “ and they all quarrel so 
dreadfully one can’t hear one’s self speak — and they don’t 
seem to have any rules in particular : at least, if there are, 
nobody attends to them — and you’ve no idea how con- 
fusing it is all the things being alive : for instance, there’s 
105 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


the arch I’ve got to go through next walking about at the 
other end of the ground — and I should have croqueted 
the Queen’s hedgehog just now, only it ran away when 
it saw mine coming ! ” 

“H ow do you like the Queen ? ” said the Cat in a low 
voice. 

“ Not at all,” said Alice : “ she’s so extremely — ” 
Just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind 
her, listening : so she went on “ — likely to win, that it’s 
hardly worth while finishing the game.” 

The Queen smiled and passed on. 

“ Who are you talking to?” said the King, coming 
up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s head with great 
curiosity. 

£C It’s a friend of mine — a Cheshire-Cat,” said Alice : 
“ allow me to introduce it.” 

“ I don’t like the look of it at all,” said the King : 
cc however, it may kiss my hand, if it likes.” 

“ I’d rather not,” the Cat remarked. 

“ Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, cc and don’t 
look at me like that ! ” He got behind Alice as he 
spoke. 

“ A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. “ I’ve read 
that in some book, but I don’t remember where.” 

“Well, it must be removed,” said the King very de- 
cidedly ; and he called to the Queen, who was passing at 
the moment, “ My dear 1 I wish you would have this cat 
removed ! ” 

The Queen had only one way of settling all difficul- 
106 


The Queen’s Croquet Ground 

ties, great or small. “ Off with his head ! ” she said with- 
out even looking round. 

“ I’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the King 
eagerly, and he hurried off. 

Alice thought she might as well go back and see how 
the game was going on, as she heard the Queen’s voice 
in the distance, screaming with passion. She had already 
heard her sentence three of the players to be executed 
for having missed their turns, and she did not like the 
look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion 
that she never knew whether it was her turn or not. So 
she went off in search of her hedgehog. 

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another 
hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent oppor- 
tunity for croqueting one of them with the other: the 
only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to 
the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it try- 
ing in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. 

By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought 
it back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were 
out of sight : “ but it doesn’t matter much,” thought 
Alice, “ as all the arches are gone from this side of the 
ground.” So she tucked it away under her arm, that it 
might not escape again, and went back to have a little 
more conversation with her friend. 

When she got back to the Cheshire-Cat, she was sur- 
prised to find quite a large crowd collected round it: 
there was a dispute going on between the executioner, the 
King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while 
107 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfor- 
table. 

The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by 
all three to settle the question, and they repeated their 



arguments to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she 
found it very hard to make out exactly what they said. 

The executioner s argument was, that you couldn’t 
cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from: 
108 


The Queen’s Croquet Ground 

that he had never had to do such a thing before, and he 
wasn’t going to begin at his time of life. 

The King’s argument was that anything that had a 
head could be beheaded, and that you weren’t to talk 
nonsense. 

The Queen’s argument was that, if something wasn’t 
done about it in less than no time, she’d have everybody 
executed, all round. (It was this last remark that had 
made the whole party look so grave and anxious.) 

Alice could think of nothing else to say but “ It be- 
longs to the Duchess : you’d better ask her about it.” 

“ She’s in prison,” the Queen said to the executioner : 
“ fetch her here.” And the executioner went off like an 
arrow. 

The Cat’s head began fading away the moment he 
was gone, and, by the time he had come back with the 
Duchess, it had entirely disappeared : so the King and the 
executioner ran wildly up and down, looking for it, while 
the rest of the party went back to the game. 


109 


CHAPTER IX 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

c< A^OU can’t think how glad I am to see you, 
again, you dear old thing ! ” said the Duch- 
ess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into 
Alice’s, and they walked off together. 

Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant 
temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only 
the pepper that had made her so savage when they met 
in the kitchen. 

“ When l y m a Duchess,” she said to herself (not in 
a very hopeful tone, though), “ I won’t have any pepper 
in my kitchen at all . Soup does very well without — 
Maybe it’s always pepper that makes people hot-tem- 
pered,” she went on, very much pleased at having found 
out a new kind of rule, “ and vinegar that makes them 
sour — and camomile that makes them bitter — and — and 
barley-sugar and such things that make children sweet- 
tempered. I only wish people knew that : then they 
wouldn’t be so stingy about it, you know — ” 

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, 
and was a little startled when she heard her voice close 
to her ear. “ You’re thinking about something, my 
dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can’t tell 
no 


The Mock Turtle’s Story 

you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall re- 
member it in a bit.” 

“ Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to remark. 

“ Tut, tut, child ! ” said the Duchess. “ Everything’s 



got a moral, if only you can find it.” And she squeezed 
herself up closer to Alice’s side as she spoke. 

Alice did not much like her keeping so close to her : 
first, because the Duchess was very ugly ; and secondly, 
because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin 
on Alice’s shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp 
hi 



Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

chin. However, she did not like to be rude : so she 
bore it as well as she could. 

“ The game’s going on rather better now,” she said, 
by way of keeping up the conversation a little. 

“ ’Tis so,” said the Duchess : “ and the moral of that 
is — ‘ Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes the world go 
round ! ’ ” 

“ Somebody said,” Alice whispered, cc that it’s done 
by everybody minding their own business ! ” 

“ Ah, well! It means much the same thing,” said 
the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice’s 
shoulder as she added, “and the moral of that is — ‘Take 
care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of them- 
selves.’ ” 

“H ow fond she is of finding morals in things ! ” 
Alice thought to herself. 

“ I dare say you’re wondering why I don’t put my 
arm round your waist,” the Duchess said, after a pause : 
“the reason is, that I’m doubtful about the temper of 
your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment ? ” 

“ He might bite,” Alice cautiously replied, not feel- 
ing at all anxious to have the experiment tried. 

“Very true,” said the Duchess: “flamingoes and 
mustard both bite. And the moral of that is — ‘ Birds 
of a feather flock together.’ ” 

“ Only mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice remarked. 

“ Right, as usual,” said the Duchess : “ what a clear 
way you have of putting things ! ” 

“ It’s a mineral, I think” said Alice. 


1 12 


The Mock Turtle’s Story 

“ Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who seemed ready 
to agree to everything that Alice said : “ there’s a large 
mustard mine near here. And the moral of that is — 
c The more there is of mine, the less there is of 
yours.’ ” 

“ Oh, I know ! ” exclaimed Alice, who had not 
attended to this last remark. “ It’s a vegetable. It 
doesn’t look like one, but it is.” 

“ I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess ; “ and 
the moral of that is — c Be what you would seem to be ’ 
— or, if you’d like it put more simply — c Never imagine 
yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to 
others that what you were or might have been was not 
otherwise than what you had been would have appeared 
to them to be otherwise.’ ” 

“ I think I should understand that better,” Alice said 
very politely, <c if I had it written down : but I can’t 
quite follow it as you say it.” 

“ That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose,” the 
Duchess replied, in a pleased tone. 

“ Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer 
than that,” said Alice. 

“ Oh, don’t talk about trouble ! ” said the Duchess. 
“ I make you a present of everything I’ve said as yet.” 

“A cheap sort of present,” thought Alice. “ I’m 
glad people don’t give birthday presents like that ! ” 
But she did not venture to say it out loud. 

“Thinking again? ” the Duchess asked, with another 
dig of her sharp little chin. 

ii3 


Vol. 3 


8 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ I’ve a right to think,” said Alice sharply, for she 
was beginning to feel a little worried. 

“Just about as much right,” said the Duchess, “as 
pigs have to fly ; and the m — ” 

But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess’s voice 
died away, even in the middle of her favorite word 
“ moral,” and the arm that was linked into hers began to 
tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen 
in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a 
thunderstorm. 

“ A fine day, your Majesty ! ” the Duchess began in 
a low, weak voice. 

“ Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the Queen, 
stamping on the ground as she spoke ; “ either you or 
your head must be off, and that in about half no time ! 
Take your choice ! ” 

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a 
moment. 

“ Let’s go on with the game,” the Queen said to 
Alice ; and Alice was too much frightened to say a word, 
but slowly followed her back to the croquet ground. 

The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen’s 
absence, and were resting in the shade : however, the 
moment they saw her they hurried back to the game, the 
Queen merely remarking that a moment’s delay would 
cost them their lives. 

All the time they were playing the Queen never left 
off quarrelling with the other players and shouting, “ Off 
with his head ! ” or “ Off with her head ! ” Those whom 

1 14 


The Mock Turtle’s Story 

she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, 
who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, 
so that, by the end of half an hour or so, there were no 
arches left, and all the players, except the King, the 
Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence 
of execution. 

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and 
said to Alice : 

“ Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet? ” 

“No,” said Alice. “ I don’t even know what a 
Mock Turtle is.” 

cc It’s the thing Mock Turtle soup is made from,” 
said the Queen. 

“ I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice. 

“ Come on, then,” said the Queen, “ and he shall tell 
you his history.” 

As they walked off together, Alice heard the King 
say in a low voice, to the company generally, “You are 
all pardoned.” “ Come, that's a good thing ! ” she said 
to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number 
of executions the Queen had ordered. 

They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast 
asleep in the sun. (If you don’t know what a Gryphon 
is, look at the picture.) “ Up, lazy thing!” said the 
Queen, “ and take this young lady to see the Mock 
Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and 
see after some executions I have ordered ; ” and she 
walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice 
did not quite like the look of the creature, but on the 

115 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with 
it as to go after that savage Queen : so she waited. 

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes : then it 
watched the Queen till she was out of sight : then 
it chuckled. 

“What fun!” said the Gryphon, half to itself, halt 
to Alice. 

“ What is the fun ? ” said Alice. 



“ Why, she" said the Gryphon. “ It’s all her fancy, 
that : they never executes nobody, you know. Come 
on!” 

“ Everybody says c come on ! ’ here, ” thought Alice, 
as she went slowly after it : “I never was so ordered 
about before, in all my life, never ! ” 

They had not gone far before they saw the Mock 

1 16 


The Mock Turtle’s Story 

Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little 
ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could 
hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She pitied 
him deeply. “ What is his sorrow ? ” she asked the 
Gryphon. And the Gryphon answered, very nearly in 
the same words as before, “ It’s all his fancy, that : he 
hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come on ! ” 

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at 
them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. 

“ This here young lady,” said the Gryphon, “ she 
wants for to know your history, she do.” 

“ I’ll tell it her,” said the Mock Turtle in a deep, 
hollow tone. “ Sit down, both of you, and don’t speak 
a word till I’ve finished.” 

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some 
minutes. Alice thought to herself “ I don’t see how 
he can ever finish, if he doesn’t begin.” But she waited 
patiently. 

“ Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep 
sigh. “ I was a real Turtle.” 

These words were followed by a very long silence, 
broken only by an occasional exclamation of “ Hjckrrh ! ” 
from the Gryphon, and the constant heavy sobbing of 
the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up 
and saying, “ Thank you, Sir, for your interesting story,” 
but she could not help thinking there must be more to 
come, so she sat still and said nothing. 

“ When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on at 
last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and 

1 1-7 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


then, <c we went to school in the sea. The master was 
an old Turtle — we use to call him Tortoise — ” 



“ Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one ? ” 
Alice asked. 

“ We called him Tortoise because he taught us," said 
the Mock Turtle angrily. “ Really you are very dull ! ” 
ii8 


The Mock Turtle’s Story 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking 
such a simple question/’ added the Gryphon ; and then 
they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt 
ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said 
to the Mock Turtle, “ Drive on, old fellow ! Don’t be 
all day about it ! ” and he went on in these words : 

“ Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you 
mayn’t believe it — ” 

<c I never said I didn’t ! ” interrupted Alice. 

<c You did,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ Hold your tongue ! ” added the Gryphon, before 
Alice could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on : 

“We had the best of educations — in fact, we went to 
school every day — ” 

“I’ve been to a day-school, too,” said Alice. “ You 
needn’t be so proud as all that.” 

“With extras?” asked the Mock Turtle, a little 
anxiously. 

“Yes,” said Alice; “ we learned French and music.” 

“ And washing ? ” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ Certainly not ! ” said Alice indignantly. 

“ Ah ! Then yours wasn’t a really good school,” 
said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. “ Now, 
at ours, they had, at the end of the bill, c French, music, 
and washing — extra.’ ” 

“You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said Alice; 
“ living at the bottom of the sea.” 

“ I couldn’t afford to learn it,” said the Mock Turtle 
with a sigh. “ I only took the regular course.” 

119 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ What was that ? ” inquired Alice. 

“ Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,” 
the Mock Turtle replied ; “ and then the different 
branches of Arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglifi- 
cation, and Derision.” 

“ I never heard of c Uglification,’ ” Alice ventured to 
say. “What is it?” 

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 
“ Never heard of uglifying ! ” it exclaimed. “ You know 
what to beautify is, I suppose ? ” 

“Yes,” said Alice doubtfully: “it means — to — make 
— anything — prettier.” 

“Well, then,” the Gryphon went on, “if you don’t 
know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton.” 

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more ques- 
tions about it: so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and 
said, “ What else had you to learn ? ” 

“Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle re- 
plied, counting off the subjects on his flappers — “ Mys- 
tery, ancient and modern, with Seaography : then Drawl- 
ing — the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that 
used to come once a week : he taught us Drawling, 
Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.” 

“ What was that like ? ” said Alice. 

“Well, 1 can’t show it you, myself,” the Mock 
Turtle said: “I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon never 
learned it.” 

“ Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon : “ I went to the 
Classical master, though. He was an old crab, he was.” 

120 


The Mock Turtle’s Story 

<c I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said with 
a sigh. “He taught Laughing and Grief, they used to 
say.” 

“ So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, sighing in 
his turn ; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws. 

“ And how many hours a day did you do lessons ? ” 
said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. 

“Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: 
“ nine the next, and so on.” 

“ What a curious plan ! ” exclaimed Alice. 

“ That's the reason they're called lessons,” the Gry- 
phon remarked : “ because they lessen from day to day.” 

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought 
it over a little before she made her next remark. “ Then 
the eleventh day must have been a holiday ? ” 

“ Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ And how did you manage on the twelfth ? ” Alice 
went on eagerly. 

“ That’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon inter- 
rupted in a very decided tone. “ Tell her something 
about the games now.” 


121 


CHAPTER X 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

T HE Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the 
back of one flapper across his eyes. He looked 
at Alice and tried to speak, but, for a minute or 
two, sobs choked his voice. “ Same as if he had a bone 
in his throat,” said the Gryphon ; and it set to work 
shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the 
Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears run- 
ning down his cheeks, he went on again : 

“You may not have lived much under the sea — ” 
(“ I haven’t,” said Alice ) — u and perhaps you were never 
even introduced to a lobster — ” (Alice began to say, “ I 
once tasted — ” but checked herself hastily, and said, “ No, 
never ”) “ — so you can have no idea what a delightful 
thing a Lobster-Quadrille is ! ” 

“No, indeed,” said Alice. “What sort of a dance 
is it?” 

“ Why,” said the Gryphon, “ you first form into a line 
along the sea-shore — ” 

“Two lines!” cried the Mock Turtle. “Seals, 
turtles, salmon, and so on : then, when you’ve cleared 
all the jelly-fish out of the way — ” 

122 


The Mock Turtle’s Story 

“ That generally takes some time,” interrupted the 
Gryphon. 

“ — you advance twice — ” 

“ Each with a lobster as a partner ! ” cried the Gry- 
phon. 

“ Of course,” the Mock Turtle said : “ advance twice, 
set to partners — ” 

“ — change lobsters, and retire in same order,” con- 
tinued the Gryphon. 

“ Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went on, “ you 
throw the — ” 

“The lobsters ! ” shouted the Gryphon, with a bound 
into the air. 

“ — as far out to sea as you can — ” 

“Swim after them ! ” screamed the Gryphon. 

“Turn a somersault in the sea!” cried the Mock 
Turtle, capering wildly about. 

“ Change lobsters again ! ” yelled the Gryphon at the 
top of its voice. 

“ Back to land again, and — that’s all the first figure,” 
said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and 
the two creatures, who had been jumping about like mad 
things all this time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, 
and looked at Alice. 

“It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice timidly. 

“ Would you like to see a little of it ? ” said the Mock 
Turtle. 

“Very much indeed,” said Alice. 

Come, let’s try the first figure ! ” said the Mock 
123 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


Turtle to the Gryphon. “ We can do it without lobsters, 
you know. Which shall sing? ” 



“Oh , you sing,” said the Gryphon. “ I’ve forgotten 
the words.” 

So they began solemnly dancing round and round 
Alice, every now and then treading on her toes when they 
passed too close, and waving their fore-paws to mark the 
time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and 
sadly : 


124 


The Lobster- Quadrille 

“ Will you walk a little faster?” said a whiting to a snail, 
et There' s a porpoise close behind us, and he' s treading on my tail. 

See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance l 
They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and join the dance ? 
Will you, won' t you, will you, won' t you, will you join the dance? 
Will you, won' t you, will you, won't you, won' t you join the dance? 

(t You can really have no notion how delightful it will be 
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea / ” 
But the snail replied, ** Too far, too far !” and gave a look askance — 
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. 

W Quid not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance. 
W ould not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. 

t( What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend replied. 

“ There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. 

The further off from England the nearer is to France — 

Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. 

Will you, won't you, will you, won' t you, will you join the dance ; 
Will you, won' t you, will you, won' t you, won' t you join the dance ?” 

<c Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance to watch,” 
said Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last : “ and 
1 do so like that curious song about the whiting ! ” 

“ Oh, as to the whiting,” said the Mock Turtle, 
“ they — you’ve seen them, of course ? ” 

“ Yes,” said Alice, “ I’ve often seen them at dinn — ” 
she checked herself hastily. 

“ I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said the Mock 
Turtle ; cc but, if you’ve seen them so often, of course 
you know what they’re like ? ” 

“ I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. “ They 

!25 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


have their tails in their mouths — and they’re all over 
crumbs.” 

“ You’re wrong about the crumbs,” said the Mock 
Turtle : “ crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But 
they have their tails in their mouths ; and the reason 
is — ” here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. 
<c Tell her about the reason and all that,” he said to the 
Gryphon. 

“ The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “ that they would 
go with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown 
out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they 
got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn’t get 
them out again. That’s all.” 

“ Thank you,” said Alice, “ it’s very interesting. I 
never knew so much about a whiting before.” 

“ I can tell you more than that, if you like,” 
said the Gryphon. “ Do you know why it’s called a 
whiting ? ” 

“ I never thought about it,” said Alice. “ Why ?” 

“ It does the boots and shoes,” the Gryphon replied 
very solemnly. 

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. “ Does the boots and 
shoes ! ” she repeated in a wondering tone. 

“ Why, what are your shoes done with ? ” said the 
Gryphon. “ I mean, what makes them so shiny ? ” 

Alice looked down at them, and considered a little 
before she gave her answer. “ They’re done with black- 
ing, I believe.” 

“ Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gryphon went 

126 


The Lobster-Quadrille 

on in a deep voice, “are done with whiting. Now you 
know.” 

“ And what are they made of ? ” Alice asked in a tone 
of great curiosity. 

“ Soles and eels, of course,” the Gryphon replied, 
rather impatiently : “ any shrimp could have told you 
that.” 

cc If I’d been the whiting,” said Alice, whose thoughts 
were still running on the song, “ I’d have said to the por- 
poise, ‘ Keep back, please ! We don’t want you with 

I y yy 

us ! 

cc They were obliged to have him with them,” the 
Mock Turtle said. “No wise fish would go anywhere 
without a porpoise.” 

“ Wouldn’t it really ? ” said Alice, in a tone of great 
surprise. 

“ Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle. “ Why, if 
a fish came to me> and told me he was going a journey, 
I should say, c With what porpoise ? ’ ” 

“ Don’t you mean ‘ purpose ’ ? ” said Alice. 

“ I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied, in 
an offended tone. And the Gryphon added, “ Come, 
let’s hear some of your adventures.” 

“ I could tell you my adventures — beginning from 
this morning,” said Alice a little timidly ; “ but it’s no 
use going back to yesterday, because I was a different 
person then.” 

“ Explain all that,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ No, no ! The adventures first,” said the Gryphon 

127 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


in an impatient tone : “ explanations take such a dreadful 
time.” 

So Alice began telling them her adventures from the 
time when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a 
little nervous about it, just at first, the two creatures got 
so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes 
and mouths so very wide ; but she gained courage as she 
went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got 
to the part about her repeating, “ Tou are old> Father 
William ,” to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming 
different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, 
and said, “ That’s very curious ! ” 

“ It’s all about as curious as it can be,” said the 
Gryphon. 

“ It all came different ! ” the Mock Turtle repeated 
thoughtfully. cc I should like to hear her try and repeat 
something now. Tell her to begin.” He looked at the 
Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority 
over Alice. 

“ Stand up and repeat, c ’ Tis the voice of the sluggard ,’ ” 
said the Gryphon. 

“ H ow the creatures order one about, and make one 
repeat lessons ! ” thought Alice. “ I might just as well 
be at school at once.” However, she got up, and began 
to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster- 
Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying ; 
and the words came very queer indeed : 

“’Tis the voice of the Lobster : I heard him declare 
* You have baked me too brown , I must sugar my hair. ’ 

128 


The Lobster- Quadrille 

As a duck with its eyelids t so he with his nose 
Trims his belt and his buttons , and turns out his toes . 
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark , 

And will talk in contemptuous tones of the shark : 



Buty when the tide rises and sharks are aroundy 
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound." 

“ That’s different from what / used to say when I 
was a child,” said the Gryphon. 

“ Well, I never heard it before,” said the Mock Tur- 
tle, “ but it sounds uncommon nonsense.” 

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Alice said nothing : she had sat down with her face 
in her hands, wondering if anything would ever happen 
in a natural way again. 

“ I should like to have it explained,” said the Mock 
Turtle. 

cc She can’t explain it,” said the Gryphon hastily. 
“ Go on with the next verse.” 

“ But about his toes?” the Mock Turtle persisted. 
“ How could he turn them out with his nose, you know ? ” 

“ It’s the first position in dancing,” Alice said ; but 
she was dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and 
longed to change the subject. 

“ Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon repeated : 
“it begins, ' I passed by his garden .’ ” 

Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it 
would all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling 
voice : — 

ft I passed by bis garden , and marked , with one eye , 

How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie : 

The Panther took pie -crusty and gravy , and meat , 

While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat. 

When the pie was all finished , the Owl , as a boon , 

Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon : 

While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl. 

And concluded the banquet by — * * 

“What is the use of repeating all that stuff?” the 
Mock Turtle interrupted, “ if you don’t explain it as you 
go on? It’s by far the most confusing thing I ever 
heard ! ” 


130 


The Lobster-Quadrille 

“Yes, I think you’d better leave off,” said the Gry- 
phon, and Alice was only too glad to do so. 

“ Shall we try another figure of the Lobster-Quad- 
rille ? ” the Gryphon went on. “ Or would you like the 
Mock Turtle to sing you another song?” 

“ Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be 
so kind,” Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon 
said, in a rather offended tone, “ Hm ! No accounting 
for tastes ! Sing her c turtle Soup ,’ will you, old fellow ? ” 
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a 
voice choked with sobs, to sing this : — 

t{ Beautiful Soupy so rich and green y 
Waiting in a hot tureen ! 

Who for such dainties would not stoop ? 

Soup of the evejiing, beautiful Soup ! 

Soup of the evening y beautiful Soup ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop / 

Soo — oop of the e — e — evening , 

Beautifuly beautiful Soup! 

<< Beautiful Soup ! Who cares for fish , 

Game , or any other dish ? 

Who would not give all else for two p 
enny worth only of beautiful Soup ? 

Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup ? 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop / 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Soo — oop of the e — e — eveningy 

Beautiful, beauti — F UL S O UP ! 9 9 

“ Chorus again ! ” cried the Gryphon, and the Mock 

131 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


Turtle had just began to repeat it, when, a cry of “ The 
trial’s beginning ! ” was heard in the distance. 

“ Come on ! ” cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice 
by the hand, it hurried off without waiting for the end 
of the song. 

“ What trial is it ? ” Alice panted as she ran ; but 
the Gryphon only answered, Cf Come on ! ” and ran the 
faster, while more and more faintly came, carried on the 
breeze that followed them, the melancholy words : 

“ Soo — oop of the e — e — evening , 

Beautifuly beautiful Soup/’* 


132 


CHAPTER XI 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS ? 

T HE King and Queen of Hearts were seated on 
their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd 
assembled about them — all sorts of little birds 
and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards : the Knave 
was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on 
each side to guard him ; and near the King was the White 
Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of 
parchment in the other. In the very middle of the 
court was a table with a large dish of tarts upon it : they 
looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look 
at them — “ I wish they’d get the trial done,” she thought, 

“ and hand round the refreshments ! ” But there seemed 
to be no chance of this ; so she began looking at every- 
thing about her to pass away the time. 

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but 
she had read about them in books, and she was quite 
pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly every- 
thing there. “ That’s the judge,” she said to herself, 

“ because of his great wig.” i 

The judge, by the way, was the King; and, as he 
wore his crown over the wig (look at page 253 if 
133 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


you want to see how he did it), he did not look at all 
comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming. 

“ And that’s the jury-box,” thought Alice ; “ and 
those twelve creatures ” (she was obliged to say “ crea- 
tures,” you see, because some of them were animals, and 
some were birds), “ I suppose they are the jurors.” She 
said this last word two or three times over to herself, 
being rather proud of it : for she thought, and rightly 
too, that very few little girls of her age knew the mean- 
ing of it at all. However, “jurymen ” would have done 
just as well. 

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on 
slates. 

“What are they doing?” Alice whispered to the 
Gryphon. “ They can’t have anything to put down 
yet, before the trial’s begun.” 

“ They’re putting down their names,” the Gryphon 
whispered in reply, “ for fear they should forget them 
before the end of the, trial.” 

“ Stupid things ! ” Alice began in a loud indignant 
voice ; but she stopped herself hastily, for the White 
Rabbit cried out, “ Silence in the court ! ” and the King 
put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to 
make out who was talking. 

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over 
their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down 
“ Stupid things ! ” on their slates, and she could even 
make out that one of them didn’t know how to spell 
“ stupid,” and that he had to ask his neighbor to tell 
134 


Who Stole the Tarts ? 


him. “A nice muddle their slates'll be in, before the 
trial’s over ! ” thought Alice. 

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, 
of course, Alice could not stand, and she went round the 
court and got behind him, and very soon found an op- 
portunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that 





the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not 
make out at all what had become of it ; so, after hunting 
all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger 
for the rest of the day ; and this was of very little use 
as it left no mark on the slate. 

“ Herald, read the accusation ! ” said the King. 

r 35 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the 
trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment-scroll, and 
read as follows : 

“ The Queen of Hearts , she made some tarts , 

All on a summer day : 

The Knave of Hearts , he stole those tarts 
And took them quite away / ’ * 

“ Consider your verdict,” the King said to the jury. 

“ Not yet, not yet! ” the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 
“ There’s a great deal to come before that ! ” 

“ Call the first witness,” said the King ; and the 
White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and 
called out “ First witness ! ” 

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with 
a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in 
the other. “ I beg pardon, your Majesty,” he began, 
“ for bringing these in ; but I hadn’t quite finished my 
tea when I was sent for.” 

“You ought to have finished,” said the King. 
“ When did you begin ? ” 

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had fol- 
lowed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dor- 
mouse. “Fourteenth of March, I think it was,” he 
said. 

“ Fifteenth,” said the March Hare. 

“ Sixteenth,” said the Dormouse. 

“Write that down,” the King said to the jury ; and 
the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, 

136 


Who Stole the Tarts ? 


and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shil- 
lings and pence. 

“ Take off your hat,” the King said to the Hatter. 

“It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter. 

“Stolen!” the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, 
who instantly made a memorandum of the fact. 

“ I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as an expla- 
nation. “I’ve none of my own. I’m a hatter.” 

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began 
staring hard at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King ; “ and don’t 
be nervous, or I’ll have you executed on the spot.” 

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all : 
he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking 
uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit 
a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread- 
and-butter. 

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensa- 
tion, which puzzled her a good deal until she made out 
what it was : she was beginning to grow larger again, and 
she thought at first she would get up and leave the court ; 
but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she 
was as long as there was room for her. 

“ I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so,” said the Dor- 
mouse, who was sitting next to her. “ I can hardly 
breathe.” 

“ I can’t help it,” said Alice very meekly : “ I’m 
growing.” 

“You’ve no right to grow here” said the Dormouse. 

^37 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ Don't talk nonsense," said Alice more boldly : “ you 
know you’re growing too." 

“ Yes, but / grow at a reasonable pace," said the Dor- 
mouse : “ not in that ridiculous fashion." And he got 
up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the 
court. 



All this time the Queen had never left off staring at 
the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, 
she said, to one of the officers of the court, “ Bring me 
the list of the singers in the last concert ! " on which the 
wretched Hatter trembled so that he shook off both his 
shoes. 

“ Give your evidence," the King repeated angrily, <c or 
I’ll have you executed, whether you’re nervous or not." 

“ I’m a poor man, your Majesty," the Hatter began, 

138 


Who Stole the Tarts? 


in a trembling voice, “ and I hadn’t begun my tea — not 
above a week or so — and what with the bread-and-butter 
getting so thin — and the twinkling of the tea — ” 

“ The twinkling of what ? ” said the King. 

“It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied. 

“ Of course twinkling begins with a T ! ” said the 
King sharply. “ Do you take me for a dunce ? Go on ! ” 

“l’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “and most 
things twinkled after that — only the March Hare said — ” 

“ I didn’t ! ” the March Hare interrupted in a great 
hurry. 

“ You did ! ” said the Hatter. 

“ I deny it!” said the March Hare. 

“ He denies it,” said the King : “leave out that part.” 

“ Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said — ” the Hatter 
went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny 
it too ; but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast 
asleep. 

“ After that,” continued the Hatter, “ I cut some 
more bread and butter — ” 

“ But what did the Dormouse say ? ” one of the jury 
asked. 

“ That I can’t remember,” said the Hatter. 

“ You must remember,” remarked the King, “or I’ll 
have you executed.” 

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread- 
and-butter, and went down on one knee. “I’m a poor 
man, your Majesty,” he began. 

“ You’re a very poor speaker ,” said the King. 

139 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was im- 
mediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As 
that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how 
it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied 
up at the mouth with strings : into this they slipped the 
guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.) 

“ I’m glad I’ve seen that done,” thought Alice. 
“ I’ve so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, 
c There was some attempt at applause, which was im- 
mediately suppressed by the officers of the court,* and I 
never understood what it meant till now.” 

“ If that’s all you know about it, you may stand 
down,” continued the King. 

“ I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter: “ I’m on 
the floor, as it is.” 

“Then you may sit down,” the King replied. 

Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was sup- 
pressed. 

“ Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs ! ” thought 
Alice. “ Now we shall go on better.” 

“ I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, with an 
anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of 
singers. 

“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter hur- 
riedly left the court, without even waiting to put his 
shoes on. 

“ — and just take his head off outside,” the Queen 
added to one of the officers ; but the Hatter was out of 
sight before the officer could get to the door. 

140 


Who Stole the Tarts ? 


“ Call the next witness ! ” said the King. 

The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. She car- 
ried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who 
it was, even before she got into the court, by the way 
the people near the door began sneezing all at once. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King. 

“ Shan’t,” said the cook. 

The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, 



who said, in a low voice, “ Your Majesty must cross- 
examine this witness.” 

“ Well, if I must, I must,” the King said with a mel- 
ancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at 
the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said, in 
a deep voice, “ What are tarts made of? ” 

“ Pepper, mostly,” said the cook. 

“ Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her. 

141 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ Collar that Dormouse ! ” the Queen shrieked out. 
“ Behead that Dormouse ! Turn that Dormouse out of 
court ! Suppress him ! Pinch him ! Off with his 
whiskers ! ” 

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, 
getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they 
had settled down again, the cook had disappeared. 

“ Never mind ! ” said the King, with an air of great 
relief. “ Call the next witness.” And, he added, in an 
undertone to the Queen, “ Really, my dear, you must 
cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my 
forehead ache ! ” 

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over 
the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness 
would be like, “ — for they haven’t got much evidence 
yet” she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when 
the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little 
voice, the name “ Alice ! ” 


142 


CHAPTER XII 


Alice’s evidence 

H ERE ! ” cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry 
of the moment how large she had grown in 
the last few minutes, and she jumped up 
in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with 
the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to 
the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawl- 
ing about, reminding her very much of a globe of 
gold-fish she had accidentally upset the week before. 

“ Oh, I beg your pardon ! ” she exclaimed in a tone 
of great dismay, and began picking them up again as 
quickly as she could, for the accident of the gold-fish 
kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort 
of idea that they must be collected at once and put back 
into the jury-box, or they would die. 

“ The trial cannot proceed,” said the King, in a very 
grave voice, “until all the jurymen are back in their 
proper places — all,” he repeated with great emphasis, 
looking hard at Alice as he said so. 

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her 
haste, she had put the Lizard in head downward, and the 
poor little thing was waving its tail about in a melancholy 
way, being quite unable to move. She soon got it out 
143 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


again, and put it right ; “ not that it signifies much,” she 
said to herself ; “ I should think it would be quite as 
much use in the trial one way up as the other.” 



As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the 
shock of being upset, and their slates and pencils had 
been found and handed back to them, they set to work 
144 


Alice’s Evidence 


very diligently to write out a history of the accident, all 
except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to- 
do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into 
the roof of the court. 

“ What do you know about this business ? ” the King 
said to Alice. 

“ Nothing,” said Alice. 

“ Nothing whatever ? ” persisted the King. 

“Nothing whatever,” said Alice. 

“ That’s very important,” the King said, turning to 
the jury. They were just beginning to write this down 
on their slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted : 
“ £/mmportant, your Majesty means, of course,” he said, 
in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces 
at him as he spoke. 

“ C/mmportant, of course, I meant,” the King hastily 
said, and went on to himself in an undertone, “ impor- 
tant — unimportant — unimportant — important — ” as if 
he were trying which word sounded best. 

Some of the jury wrote it down “ important,” and 
some “unimportant.” Alice could see this, as she was 
near enough to look over their slates ; “ but it doesn’t 
matter a bit,” she thought to herself. 

At this moment the King, who had been for some 
time busily writing in his note-book, called out, “ Si- 
lence ! ” and read out from his book, “ Rule Forty-two. 
All persons more than a mile high to leave the court A 

Everybody looked at Alice. 

“ I'm not a mile high,” said Alice. 

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“ You are,” said the King. 

“ Nearly two miles high,” added the Queen. 

“Well, I shan’t go, at any rate,” said Alice: “be- 
sides, that’s not a regular rule : you invented it just 
now.” 

“ It’s the oldest rule in the book,” said the King. 

“ Then it ought to be Number One,” said Alice. 

The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 
“ Consider your verdict,” he said to the jury, in a low 
trembling voice. 

“ There’s more evidence to come yet, please your 
Majesty,” said the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great 
hurry: “this paper has just been picked up.” 

“What’s in it ? ” said the Queen. 

“ I haven’t opened it yet,” said the White Rabbit ; 
“ but it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to — to 
somebody*” 

“ It must have been that,” said the King, “ unless it 
was written to nobody, which isn’t usual, you know.” 

“ Who is it directed to ? ” said one of the jurymen. 

“ It isn’t directed at all,” said the White Rabbit : “ in 
fact, there’s nothing written on the outside .” He unfolded 
the paper as he spoke, and added, “ It isn’t a letter, after 
all : it’s a set of verses.” 

“ Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting ? ” asked 
another of the jurymen. 

“ No, they’re not,” said the White Rabbit, “ and that’s 
the queerest thing about it.” (The jury all looked puz- 
zled.) 


146 


Alice’s Evidence 


“He must have imitated somebody else’s hand,” said 
the King. (The jury all brightened up again.) 

“ Please your Majesty,” said the Knave, “ I didn’t 
write it, and they can’t prove that I did : there’s no name 
signed at the end.” 

“ If you didn’t sign it,” said the King, cc that only 
makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mis- 
chief, or else you’d have signed your name like an honest 
man.” 

There was a general clapping of hands at this : it was 
the first really clever thing the King had said that day. 

“ That proves his guilt, of course,” said the Queen : 
“ so, off with — 

cc It doesn’t prove anything of the sort !” said Alice. 
cc Why, you don’t even know what they’re about ! ” 

“ Read them,” said the King. 

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. “ Where 
shall I begin, please your Majesty ? ” he asked. 

“ Begin at the beginning,” the King said very gravely, 
“ and go on till you come to the end : then stop.” 

There was dead silence in the court, while the White 
Rabbit read out these verses : 

“ They told me you had been to her , 

And mentioned me to him : 

She gave me a good character , 

But said I could not swim. 


He sent them word I had not gone 
( We know it to be true') : 

1 47 . 


Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

If she should, push the matter on. 

What would become of you ? 

I gave her one, they gave him two. 

You gave us three or more ; 

They all returned from him to you. 

Though they were mine before. 

If I or she should chance to be 
Involved in this affair. 

He trusts to you to set them free. 

Exactly as we were. 

My notion was that you had been 
(. Before she had this fit') 

An obstacle that came between 
Him, and ourselves, and it. 

Don't let him know she liked them best , 

For this must ever be 

A secret, kept from all the rest. 

Between yourself and me." 

“ That’s the most important piece of evidence we've 
heard yet,” said the King, rubbing his hands ; “ so now 
let the jury — ” 

“ If any one of them can explain it," said Alice (she 
had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn’t 
a bit afraid of interrupting him), “ I’ll give him sixpence. 
I don’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.’’ 

The jury all wrote down, on their slates, “She doesn’t 
believe there’s an atom of meaning in it,’’ but none of 
them attempted to explain the paper. 

148 


Alice’s Evidence 


“ If there’s no meaning in it,” said the King, “ that 
saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn’t try 

to find any. And yet I 
don’t know,” he went 
on, spreading out the 
verses on his knee, and 
looking at them with 
one eye ; “ I seem to 
see some meaning in 
them, after all. c — said 
I could not swim — ’ you 
can’t swim, can you ? ” 
he added, turning to the 
Knave. 

The Knave shook his 
head sadly. 

“ Do I look like 



it ? ” he said. (Which he certainly did not , being maae 
entirely of cardboard.) 

“ All right, so far,” said the King ; and he went 
149 


on 



Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


muttering over the verses to himself : “ c We know it to be 
true ’ — that's the jury, of course — c If she should push the 
matter on ’ — that must be the Queen — c What would be- 
come of you ? ' — What, indeed ! — c I gave her one , they gave 
him two ’ — why, that must be what he did with the tarts, 
you know — ” 

“ But it goes on c they all returned from him to you ,’ ” 
said Alice. 

“ Why, there they are ! ” said the King triumphantly, 
pointing to the tarts on the table. “ Nothing can be 
clearer than that. Then again — c before she had this fit ’ 
— you never had fits , my dear, I think ? ” he said to the 
Queen. 

“ Never ! ” said the Queen, furiously, throwing an 
inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate 
little Bill had left off writing on his slate with one finger, 
as he found it made no mark ; but he now hastily began 
again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as 
long as it lasted.) 

“ Then the words don’t fit you,” said the King, look- 
ing round the court with a smile. There was a dead 
silence. 

“ It’s a pun !” the King added in an angry tone, and 
everybody laughed. “ Let the jury consider their ver- 
dict,” the King said, for about the twentieth time that day. 

“ No, no ! ” said the Queen. “ Sentence first — ver- 
dict afterward.” 

“ Stuff and nonsense ! ” said Alice loudly. “ The 
idea of having the sentence first ! ” 

150 


Alice’s Evidence 


<c Hold your tongue ! ” said the Queen, turning 
purple. 

cc I won’t ! ” said Alice. 

“ Off with her head ! ” the Queen shouted at the top 
of her voice. Nobody moved. 



Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 


“ Who cares for you? ” said Alice (she had grown to 
her full size by this time). “ You’re nothing but a pack 
of cards ! ” 

At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came 
flying down upon her ; she gave a little scream, half of 
fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and 
found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap 
of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead 
leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her 
face. 

“ Wake up, Alice dear ! ” said her sister. “ Why, 
what a long sleep you’ve had ! ” 

“ Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream ! ” said Alice. 
And she told her sister, as well as she could remember 
them, all these strange Adventures of hers that you have 
just been reading about ; and, when she had finished, her 
sister kissed her, and said, “ It was a curious dream, dear, 
certainly ; but now run in to your tea : it’s getting late.” 
So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as 
well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been. 


152 


But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her 
head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and think- 
ing of little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till 
she too began dreaming after a fashion, and this was her 
dream : 

First, she dreamed about little Alice herself : once 
again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and 
the bright eager eyes were looking up into hers — she 
could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that 
queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering 
hair that would always get into her eyes — and still as she 
listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place around her 
became alive with the strange creatures of her little sis- 
ter’s dream. 

The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rab- 
bit hurried by — the frightened Mouse splashed his way 
through the neighboring pool — she could hear the rattle 
of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared 
their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen 
ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution — once 
more the pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess’ knee, 
while plates and dishes crashed around it — once more the 
shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard’s 
slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea- 
153 


pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant sob of the 
miserable Mock Turtle. 

So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed her- 
self in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open 
them again, and all would change to dull reality — the 
grass would be only rustling in the wind, and the pool 
rippling to the waving of the reeds — the rattling teacups 
would change to tinkling sheep bells, and the Queen’s 
shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd-boy — and the 
sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and all 
the other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the 
confused clamor of the busy farm-yard — while the lowing 
of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the 
Mock Turtle’s heavy sobs. 

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little 
sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown 
woman ; and how she would keep, through all her riper 
years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood ; and 
how she would gather about her other little children, and 
make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange 
tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long 
ago ; and how she would feel with all their simple sor- 
rows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remem- 
bering her own child-life, and the happy summer days. 


THE END 


154 


Through the Looking-Glass 

And What Alice Found There 




CONTENTS 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS 


CHAP. 







PAGE 

I. 

LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE .... 


• 


• 


. 163 

II. 

THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS . 

• 


• 


• 

l8l 

III. 

LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS .... 


• 

# 


• 


. IQS 

IV. 

TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE 

• 


• 


• 

209 

V. 

WOOL AND WATER .... 


• 


• 


. 226 

VI. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY .... 

• 


• 


• 

24I 

VII. 

THE LION AND THE UNICORN 


• 


• 


. 257 

VIII. 

“ it’s MY OWN INVENTION ” 

• 


• 


• 

27I 

IX. 

QUEEN ALICE ..... 


• 


• 


. 29I 

X. 

SHAKING ..... 

• 


• 


• 

3 12 

XI. 

WAKING ...... 


• 


• 


• 3 1 3 

XII. 

WHICH DREAMED IT ? „ 

• 


• 


• 

3 H 


ff 





Child of the pure unclouded brow » 

And dreaming eyes of wonder ! 

Though time be fleet, and I and thou 
Are half a life asunder. 

Thy loving smile will surely hail 
The love-gift of a fairy-tale. 

I have not seen thy sunny face. 

Nor heard thy silver laughter : 

No thought of me shall find a place 
In thy young life’s hereafter — 

Enough that now thou wilt not fail 
To listen to my fairy-tale. 

A tale begun in other days. 

When summer suns were glowing — 

A simple chime, that served to time 
The rhythm of our rowing — 

Whose echoes live in memory yet. 

Though envious years would say ** forget.” 

Come, hearken then, ere voice of dread. 
With bitter tidings laden. 

Shall summon to unwelcome bed 
A melancholy maiden! 

We are but older children, dear. 

Who fret to find our bedtime near. 


Without, the frost, the blinding snow. 
The storm- wind’s moody madness — 
Within, the fire-light’s ruddy glow. 

And childhood’s nest of gladness. 
The magic words shall hold thee fast : 
Thou shalt not heed the raving blast. 

And, though the shadow of a sigh 
May tremble through the story. 

For “happy summer days” gone by. 
And vanish’d summer glory — 

It shall not touch, with breath of bale. 
The pleasance of our fairy-tale. 


160 




CHRISTMAS GREETINGS 

[from a fairy to a child] 

Lady dear, if Fairies may 
For a moment lay aside 
Cunning tricks and elfish play, 

’Tis at happy Christmas-tide. 

We have heard the children say — 
Gentle children, whom we love — 
Long ago, on Christmas Day, 

Came a message from above. 

Still, as Christmas-tide comes round, 
They remember it again — 

Echo still the joyful sound 
“ Peace on earth, good-will to men j” 

Yet the hearts must childlike be 
Where such heavenly guests abide ; 
Unto children, in their glee, 

All the year is Christmas-tide! 

Thus, forgetting tricks and play 
For a moment, Lady dear, 

We would wish you, if we may, 

Merry Christmas, glad New Year! 

Christmas , 1867 


l6l 


Vol. 3 


11 









CHAPTER I 

LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE 

O NE thing was certain, that the white kitten had 
had nothing to do with it — it was the black 
kitten’s fault entirely. For the white kitten had 
been having its face washed by the old cat for the last 
quarter of an hour (and bearing it pretty well, consider- 
ing) : so you see that it couldn't have had any hand in the 
mischief. 

The way Dinah washed her children’s faces was this : 
first she held the poor thing down by its ear with one 
paw, and then with the other paw she rubbed its face all 
over, the wrong way, beginning at the nose : and just 
now, as I said, she was hard at work on the white kitten, 
which was lying quite still and trying to purr — no doubt 
feeling that it was all meant for its good. 

163 


Through the Looking-Glass 

But the black kitten had been finished with earlier in 
the afternoon, and so, while Alice was sitting curled up 
in a corner of the great arm-chair, half talking to herself 
and half asleep, the kitten had been having a grand game 
of romps with the ball of worsted Alice had been trying 
to wind up, and had been rolling it up and down till it 
had all come undone again ; and there it was, spread over 
the hearth-rug, all knots and tangles, with the kitten 
running after its own tail in the middle. 

“ Oh, you wicked, wicked little thing ! ” cried Alice, 
catching up the kitten, and giving it a little kiss to make it 
understand that it was in disgrace. “ Really, Dinah ought 
to have taught you better manners ! You ought , Dinah, 
you know you ought ! ” she added, looking reproach- 
fully at the old cat, and speaking in as cross a voice as 
she could manage — and then she scrambled back into the 
arm-chair, taking the kitten and the worsted with her, 
and began winding up the ball again. But she didn’t 
get on very fast, as she was talking all the time, some- 
times to the kitten, and sometimes to herself. Kitty sat 
very demurely on her knee, pretending to watch the 
progress of the winding, and now and then putting out 
one paw and gently touching the ball, as if it would be 
glad to help if it might. 

“ Do you know what to-morrow is, Kitty ? ” Alice 
began. “ You’d have guessed if you’d been up in the 
window with me — only Dinah was making you tidy, so 
you couldn’t. I was watching the boys getting in sticks 
for the bonfire — and it wants plenty of sticks, Kitty ! 

164 


Looking-Glass House 

Only it got so cold, and it snowed so, they had to leave 
off. Never mind, Kitty, we’ll go and see the bonfire 
to-morrow.” Here Alice wound two or three turns of the 
worsted round the kitten’s neck, just to see how it would 
look : this led to a scramble, in which the ball rolled 
down upon the floor, and yards and yards of it got un- 
wound again. 

“ Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,” Alice went 
on, as soon as they were comfortably settled again, “ when 
I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very 
nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the 
snow ! And you’d have deserved it, you little mischiev- 
ous darling ! And what have you got to say for youself ? 
Now don’t interrupt me ! ” she went on, holding up one 
finger. “ I’m going to tell you all your faults. Number 
one : you squeaked twice while Dinah was washing your 
face this morning. Now you can’t deny it, Kitty : I 
heard you ! What’s that you say ? ” (pretending that the 
kitten was speaking). “ Her paw went into your eye ? 
Well, that’s your fault, for keeping your eyes open — if 
you’d shut them tight up, it wouldn’t have happened. 
Now don’t make anymore excuses, but listen. Number 
two : you pulled Snowdrop away by the tail just as I had 
put down the saucer of milk before her ! What, you 
were thirsty, were you ? How do you know she wasn’t 
thirsty too? Now for number three: you unwound 
every bit of the worsted while I wasn’t looking ! 

“ That’s three faults, Kitty, and you’ve not been 
punished for any of them yet. You know I’m saving 

165 


Through the Looking-Glass 

up all your punishments for Wednesday week — Suppose 
they had saved up all my punishments ? ” she went on, 
talking more to herself than the kitten. <c What would 
they do at the end of a year ? I should be sent to 
prison, I suppose, when the day came. Or — let me 
see — suppose each punishment was to be going without 
a dinner : then, when the miserable day came, I should 
have to go without fifty dinners at once ! Well, I 
shouldn’t mind that much ! I’d far rather go without 
them than eat them ! 

<c Do you hear the snow against the window-panes, 
Kitty ? How nice and soft it sounds ! Just as if some 
one was kissing the window all over outside. I wonder 
if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them 
so gently ? And then it covers them up snug, you know, 
with a white quilt ; and perhaps it says c Go to sleep, dar- 
lings, till the summer comes again.’ And when they 
wake up in the summer, Kitty, they dress themselves all 
in green, and dance about — whenever the wind blows — 
oh, that’s very pretty ! ” cried Alice, dropping the ball 
of worsted to clap her hands. “ And I do so wish it was 
true ! I’m sure the woods look sleepy in the autumn, 
when the leaves are getting brown. 

“ Kitty, can you play chess ? Now, don’t smile, my 
dear, I’m asking it seriously. Because, when we were play- 
ing just now, you watched just as if you understood it : 
and when I said c Check ! ’ you purred ! Well, it was a 
nice check, Kitty, and really I might have won, if it 
hadn’t been for that nasty Knight, that came wriggling 
1 66 


Looking-Glass House 

down among my pieces. Kitty, dear, let’s pretend — ” 
And here I wish I could tell you half the things Alice 



used to say, beginning with her favorite phrase cc Let's 
pretend." She had had quite a long argument with her 
sister only the day before — all because Alice had begun 
with “ Let's pretend we’re kings and queens " ; and her 
167 


Through the Looking-Glass 

sister, who liked being very exact, had argued that they 
couldn’t, because there were only two of them, and Alice 
had been reduced at last to say, “ Well, you can be one of 
them, then, and Til be all the rest.” And once she had 
really frightened her old nurse by shouting suddenly in 
her ear, “ Nurse ! Do let’s pretend that I’m a hungry 
hyaena, and you’re a bone ! ” 

But this is taking us away from Alice’s speech to the 
kitten. “ Let’s pretend that you’re the Red Queen, 
Kitty ! Do you know, I think if you sat up and folded 
your arms, you’d look exactly like her. Now do try, 
there’s a dear ! ” And Alice got the Red Queen off the 
table, and set it up before the kitten as a model for it to 
imitate : however, the thing didn’t succeed, principally, 
Alice said, because the kitten wouldn’t fold its arms 
properly. So, to punish it, she held it up to the Look- 
ing-glass, that it might see how sulky it was, “ — and 
if you’re not good directly,” she added, “ I’ll put you 
through into Looking-glass House. How would you 
like that ? 

“ Now, if you’ll only attend, Kitty, and not talk so 
much, I’ll tell you all my ideas about Looking-glass 
House. First, there’s the room you can see through 
the glass — that’s just the same as our drawing-room, 
only the things go the other way. I can see all of it 
when I get upon a chair — all but the bit just behind the 
fireplace. Oh ! I do so wish I could see that bit ! I 
want so much to know whether they’ve a fire in the 
winter : you never can tell, you know, unless our fire 
168 


Looking-Glass House 

smokes, and then smoke comes up in that room too — 
but that may be only pretence, just to make it look as if 



they had a fire. Well then, the books are something 
like our books, only the words go the wrong way : I 
know that , because I’ve held up one of our books to 

169 


Through the Looking-Glass 

the glass, and then they hold up one in the other 
room. 

“ How would you like to live in Looking-glass 
House, Kitty ? I wonder if they'd give you milk in 
there ? Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn’t good to drink 
— but oh, Kitty ! now we come to the passage. You can 
just see a little peep of the passage in Looking-glass 
House, if you leave the door of our drawing-room wide 
open : and it’s very like our passage as far as you can see, 
only you know it may be quite different on beyond. 
Oh, Kitty, how nice it would be if we could only get 
through into Looking-glass House ! I’m sure it’s got, 
oh ! such beautiful things in it ! Let’s pretend there’s a 
way of getting through into it, somehow, Kitty. Let’s 
pretend the glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we 
can get though. Why, it’s turning into a sort of a mist, 
now, I declare ! It’ll be easy enough to get through — ” 
She was up on the chimney-piece while she said this, 
though she hardly knew how she had got there. And 
certainly the glass was beginning to melt away, just like 
a bright silvery mist. 

In another moment Alice was through the glass, and 
had jumped lightly down into the Looking-glass room. 
The very first thing she did was to look whether there was 
a fire in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to find 
that there was a real one, blazing away as brightly as the 
one she had left behind. “ So I shall be as warm here 
as I was in the old room,” thought Alice : “ warmer, in 
fact, because there’ll be no one here to scold me away 
170 


Looking-Glass House 

from the fire. Oh, what fun it’ll be, when they see me 
through the glass in here, and can’t get at me ! ” 



Then she began looking about, and noticed that 
what could be seen from the old room was quite com- 
mon and uninteresting, but that all the rest was as differ- 
171 


Through the Looking-Glass 

ent as possible. For instance, the pictures on the wall 
next the fire seemed to be all alive, and the very clock 
on the chimney-piece (you know you can only see the 
back of it in the Looking-glass) had got the face of a 
little old man, and grinned at her. 

“ They don’t keep this room so tidy as the other,” 



Alice thought to herself, as she noticed several of the 
chessmen down in the hearth among the cinders ; but in 
another moment, with a little “ Oh ! ” of surprise, she 
was down on her hands and knees watching them. The 
chessmen were walking about, two and two ! 

“ Here are the Red King and the Red Queen,” 
Alice said (in a whisper, for fear of frightening them), 
172 


Looking-Glass House 

“and there are the White King and the White Queen 
sitting on the edge of the shovel — and here are two 
Castles walking arm in arm — I don’t think they can hear 
me,” she went on, as she put her head closer down, 
“and I’m nearly sure they can’t see me. I feel some- 
how as if I was getting invisible — ” 

Here something began squeaking on the table behind 
Alice, and made her turn her head just in time to see one 
of the White Pawns roll over and begin kicking : she 
watched it with great curiosity to see what would happen 
next. 

“ It is the voice of my child ! ” the White Queen 
cried out, as she rushed past the King, so violently that 
she knocked him over among the cinders. “ My precious 
Lily ! My imperial kitten ! ” and she began scrambling 
wildly up the side of the fender. 

“ Imperial fiddlestick ! ” said the King, rubbing his 
nose, which had been hurt by the fall. He had a right 
to be a little annoyed with the Queen, for he was covered 
with ashes from head to foot. 

Alice was very anxious to be of use, and, as the poor 
little Lily was nearly screaming herself into a fit, she 
hastily picked up the Queen and set her on the table by 
the side of her noisy little daughter. 

The Queen gasped, and sat down : the rapid journey 
through the air had quite taken away her breath, and 
for a minute or two she could do nothing but hug the 
little Lily in silence. As soon as she had recovered her 
breath a little, she called out to the White King, who 
173 


Through the Looking-Glass 

was sitting sulkily among the ashes, “ Mind the vol- 
cano ! ” 

<c What volcano ? ” said the King, looking up 
anxiously into the fire, as if he thought that was the most 
likely place to find one. 

“ Blew — me — up,” panted the Queen, who was still a 



little out of breath. “ Mind you come up — the regular 
way — don't get blown up ! ” 

Alice watched the White King as he slowly struggled 
up from bar to bar, till at last she said “ Why, you’ll be 
hours and hours getting to the table, at that rate. I’d 
far better help you, hadn’t I ? ” But the King took no 
notice of the question : it was quite clear that he could 
neither hear her nor see her. 

So Alice picked him up very gently, and lifted him 
174 


Looking-Glass House 

across more slowly than she had lifted the Queen, that 
she mightn’t take his breath away ; but, before she put 
him on the table, she thought she might as well dust him 
a little, he was so covered with ashes. 

She said afterward that she had never seen in all her 
life such a face as the King made, when he found himself 
held in the air by an invisible hand, and being dusted : 
he was far too much astonished to cry out, but his 
eyes and his mouth went on getting larger and larger, 
and rounder and rounder, till her hand shook so with 
laughing that she nearly let him drop upon the 
floor. 

“ Oh ! 'please don’t make such faces, my dear ! ” she 
cried out, quite forgetting that the King couldn’t hear 
her. cc You make me laugh so that I can hardly hold 
you ! And don’t keep your mouth so wide open ! All 
the ashes will get into it — there, now I think you’re tidy 
enough ! ” she added, as she smoothed his hair, and set 
him upon the table near the Queen. 

The King immediately fell flat on his back, and lay 
perfectly stili ; and Alice was a little alarmed at what she 
had done, and went round the room to see if she could 
find any water to throw over him. However, she could 
And nothing but a bottle of ink, and when she got back 
with it she found he had recovered, and he and the Queen 
were talking together in a frightened whisper — so low, that 
Alice could hardly hear what they said. 

The King was saying, “ I assure you, my dear, I 
turned cold to the very ends of my whiskers ! ” 

175 


Through the Looking-Glass 

To which the Queen replied, “You haven’t got any 
whiskers.” 

“ The horror of that moment,” the King went on, 
“ I shall never, never forget ! ” 

“You will though,” the Queen said, “if you don’t 
make a memorandum of it.” 

Alice looked on with great interest as the King took 
an enormous memorandum book out of his pocket, and 

began writing. A sudden 
thought struck her, and she 
took hold of the end of the 
pencil, which came some 
way over his shoulder, and 
began writing for him. 

The poor King looked 
puzzled and unhappy, and 
struggled with the pencil 
for some time without say- 
ing anything ; but Alice was 
too strong for him, and at 
last he panted out, “ My dear ! I really must get a thinner 
pencil. I can’t manage this one a bit : it writes all manner 
of things that I don’t intend — ” 

“What manner of things ? ” said the Queen, looking 
over the book (in which Alice had put “ ‘The White Knight 
is sliding down the poker . He balances very badly ” ). 
“ That’s not a memorandum of your feelings ! ” 

There was a book lying near Alice on the table, and 
while she sat watching the White King (for she was still 
176 



Looking-Glass House 

a little anxious about him, and had the ink all ready to 
throw over him, in case he fainted again), she turned over 
the leaves, to find some part that she could read, “ — for 
it's all in some language I don't know,” she said to her- 
self. 

It was like this : 

*. V\CL 

yiv» pm \\K 


She puzzled over this for some time, but at last a 
bright thought struck her. “ Why, it's a Looking-glass 
book, of course ! And, if I hold it up to a glass, the 
words will all go the right way again.” 

This was the poem that Alice read : 

JABBER WO CK Y 

* Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe : 

All mimsy were the borogoves , 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 

** Beware the Jabberwock y my son ! 

The jaws that bite , the claws that catch ! 

Beware the Jubjub bird , and shun 
The frumious Bandersnatch ! ” 

1 77 


V0I..3 


12 


Through the Looking-Glass 











Looking-Glass House 

He took his v or pal sword in hand: 

Long time the manxome foe he sought — 

So rested he by the Tumtum tree , 

And stood awhile in thought. 

And , as in ujfish thought he stood , 

The Jabberwock , with eyes of flame, 

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, 

And burbled as it came ! 

One , two ! One , two ! And through and through 
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack / 

He left it dead , and with its head 
He went galumphing back. 

'‘And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? 

Come to my arms , my beamish boy ! 

O frabjous day ! Callooh ! C allay ! ’ ’ 

He chortled in his joy. 

9 Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe : 

All mimsy were the borogoves , 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 

“ It seems very pretty,” she said when she had fin- 
ished it, “ but it’s rather hard to understand!” (You 
see she didn’t like to confess, even to herself, that she 
couldn’t make it out at all.) “ Somehow it seems to fill 
my head with ideas — only I don’t exactly know what 
they are ! However, somebody killed something : that’s 
clear, at any rate — ” 

“ But oh ! ” thought Alice, suddenly jumping up, 
179 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ if I don’t make haste, I shall have to go back through 
the Looking-glass, before I’ve seen what the rest of the 
house is like ! Let’s have a look at the garden first ! ” 
She was out of the room in a moment, and ran down 
stairs — or, at least, it wasn’t exactly running, but a new 
invention for getting down stairs quickly and easily, as 
Alice said to herself. She just kept the tips of her fin- 
gers on the hand-rail, and floated gently down without 
even touching the stairs with her feet : then she floated 
on through the hall, and would have gone straight out at 
the door in the same way, if she hadn’t caught hold of 
the door-post. She was getting a little giddy with so 
much floating in the air, and was rather glad to find her- 
self walking again in the natural way. 


180 


CHAPTER II 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS 

“ T SHOULD see the garden far better,” said Alice to 
herself, “ if I could get to the top of that hill : and 
here’s a path that leads straight to it — at least, no, 
it doesn’t do that — ” (after going a few yards along the 
path, and turning several sharp corners), “ but I suppose 
it will at last. But how curiously it twists ! It’s more 
like a corkscrew than a path ! Well, this turn goes to 
the hill, I suppose — no, it doesn’t ! This goes straight 
back to the house ! Well then, I’ll try it the other 
way.” 

And so she did : wandering up and down, and trying 
turn after turn, but always coming back to the house, do 
what she would. Indeed, once, when she turned a cor- 
ner rather more quickly than usual, she ran against it be- 
fore she could stop herself. 

“ It’s no use talking about it,” Alice said, looking up 
at the house and pretending it was arguing with her. 
“ I’m not going in again yet. I know I should have to 
get through the Looking-glass again — back into the old 
room — and there’d be an end of all my adventures ! ” 

So, resolutely turning her back upon the house, she 
set out once more down the path, determined to keep 
straight on till she got to the hill. For a few minutes 
181 


Through the Looking-Glass 

all went on well, and she was just saying “ I really shall 
do it this time — ” when the path gave a sudden twist and 
shook itself (as she described it afterward), and the next 
moment she found herself actually walking in at the 
door. 

“ Oh, it’s too bad 1 ” she cried. “ I never saw such 
a house for getting in the way! Never!” 

However, there was the hill full in sight, so there 
was nothing to be done but start again. This time she 
came upon a large flower-bed, with a border of daisies, 
and a willow-tree growing in the middle. 

“ O Tiger-lily ! ” said Alice, addressing herself to one 
that was waving gracefully about in the wind, “ I wish 
you could talk ! ” 

“We can talk,” said the Tiger-lily, “ when there’s 
anybody worth talking to.” 

Alice was so astonished that she couldn’t speak for a 
minute : it quite seemed to take her breath away. At 
length, as the Tiger-lily only went on waving about, she 
spoke again, in a timid voice — almost in a whisper. “ And 
can all the flowers talk ? ” 

“ As well as you can,” said the Tiger-lily. “ And a 
great deal louder.” 

“ It isn’t manners for us to begin, you know, ” said 
the Rose, “and I really was wondering when you’d 
speak ! Said I to myself, c Her face has got some sense 
in it, though it’s not a clever one ! ’ Still, you’re the right 
color, and that goes a long way.” 

“ I don’t care about the color,” the Tiger-lily re- 
182 


The Garden of Live Flowers 



marked. “ If only her petals curled up a little more, 
she’d be all right.” 

Alice didn’t like being criticised, so she began ask- 
ing questions. “ Aren’t you 
sometimes frightened at be- 
ing planted out here, with 
nobody to take care of 
you ? ” 


“ There’s the tree in the middle,” said the Rose. 
“ What else is it good for ? ” 

“ But what could it do, if any danger came ? ” Alice 
asked. 


183 


Through the Looking-Glass 

cc It could bark/’ said the Rose. 

“ It says c Bough-wough ! ’ " cried a Daisy. cc That's 
why its branches are called boughs ! ” 

“ Didn't you know that ? " cried another Daisy. 
And here they all began shouting together, till the air 
seemed quite full of little shrill voices. “ Silence, every 
one of you ! " cried the Tiger-lily, waving itself passion- 
ately from side to side, and trembling with excitement. 
“ They know I can't get at them ! " it panted, bending 
its quivering head toward Alice, “ or they wouldn't dare 
to do it ! " 

“Never mind!" Alice said in a soothing tone, and, 
stooping down to the daisies, who were just beginning 
again, she whispered, “ If you don’t hold your tongues, 
I'll pick you ! " 

There was silence in a moment, and several of the 
pink daisies turned white. 

“ That's right ! " said the Tiger-lily. “ The daisies 
are worst of all. When one speaks, they all begin to- 
gether, and it's enough to make one wither to hear the 
way they go on ! " 

“ How is it you can all talk so nicely ? " Alice said, 
hoping to get it into a better temper by a compliment. 
“ I’ve been in many gardens before, but none of the 
flowers could talk." 

“ Put your hand down, and feel the ground," said 
the Tiger-lily. “ Then you'll know why." 

Alice did so. “ It’s very hard," she said ; “ but I 
don't see what that has to do with it." 

184 


The Garden of Live Flowers 


“In most gardens,” the Tiger-lily said, “ they make 
the beds too soft — so that the flowers are always asleep.” 

This sounded a very good reason, and Alice was 
quite pleased to know it. “ I never thought of that 
before ! ” she said. 

<c It’s my opinion that you never think at all” the 
Rose said, in a rather severe tone. 

“ I never saw anybody that looked stupider,” a Vio- 
let said, so suddenly, that Alice quite jumped ; for it 
hadn’t spoken before. 

“ Hold your tongue!” cried the Tiger-lily. “ As if 
you ever saw anybody ! You keep your head under the 
leaves, and snore away there, till you know no more 
what’s going on in the world, than if you were a bud ! ” 

<c Are there any more people in the garden besides 
me ? ” Alice said, not choosing to notice the Rose’s last 
remark. 

“ There’s one other flower in the garden that can 
move about like you,” said the Rose. cc I wonder how 
you do it — ” (“ You’re always wondering,” said the 
Tiger-lily), “ but she’s more bushy than you are.” 

“ Is she like me ? ” Alice asked eagerly, for the 
thought crossed her mind, “ There’s another little girl in 
the garden, somewhere ! ” 

cc Well, she has the same awkward shape as you,” the 
Rose said : “ but she’s redder — and her petals are shorter, 
I think.” 

<c They’re done up close, like a dahlia,” said the 
Tiger-lily : “ not tumbled about, like yours.” 

185 


Through the Looking-Glass 

cc But that’s not your fault,” the Rose added kindly. 
“ You’re beginning to fade, you know — and then one 
can’t help one’s petals getting a little untidy.” 

Alice didn’t like this idea at all : so, to change 
the subject, she asked, “ Does she ever come out 
here ? ” 

“ I daresay you’ll see her soon,” said the Rose. 
“ She’s one of the kind that has nine spikes, you know.” 

“ Where does she wear them ? ” Alice asked with 
some curiosity. 

“ Why, all round her head, of course,” the Rose re- 
plied. “ I was wondering you hadn’t got some too. I 
thought it was the regular rule.” 

<c She’s coming ! ” cried the Larkspur. “ I hear her 
footstep, thump, thump, along the gravel-walk ! ” 

Alice looked round eagerly and found that it was the 
Red Queen. “ She’s grown a good deal ! ” was her first 
remark. She had indeed : when Alice first found her in 
the ashes, she had been on’ three inches high — and here 
she was, half a head taller than Alice herself! 

“ It’s the fresh air that does it,” said the Rose : 
“ wonderfully fine air it is, out here.” 

“ I think I’ll go and meet her,” said Alice, for, 
though the flowers were interesting enough, she felt that 
it would be far grander to have a talk with a real Queen. 

“ You can’t possibly do that,” said the Rose: “I 
should advise you to walk the other way.” 

This sounded nonsense to Alice, so she said nothing, 
but set off at once toward the Red Queen. To her sur- 
186 


The Garden of Live Flowers 

prise she lost sight of her in a moment, and found her- 
self walking in at the front-door again. 

A little provoked, she drew back, and, after looking 
everywhere for the Queen (whom she spied out at last, 



a long way off*), she thought she would try the plan, this 
time, of walking in the opposite direction. 

It succeeded beautifully. She had not been walking 
a minute before she found herself face to face with the 
Red Queen, and full in sight of the hill she had been so 
long aiming at. 


187 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ Where do you come from ? ” said the Red Queen. 
“ And where are you going ? Look up, speak nicely, 
and don’t twiddle your fingers all the time.” 

Alice attended to all these directions, and explained, 
as well as she could, that she had lost her way. 

“ I don’t know what you mean by your way,” said 
the Queen : “ all the ways about here belong to me — but 
why did you come out here at all ? ” she added in a 
kinder tone. “ Curtsey while you’re thinking what to 
say. It saves time.” 

Alice wondered a little at this, but she was too much 
in awe of the Queen to disbelieve it. “ I’ll try it when I 
go home,” she thought to herself, “the next time I’m a 
little late for dinner.” 

“ It’s time for you to answer now,” the Queen said, 
looking at her watch : “ open your mouth a little wider 
when you speak, and always say ‘your Majesty.’ ” 

“ I only wanted to see what the garden was like, your 
Majesty — ” 

“ That’s right,” said the Queen, patting her on the 
head, which Alice didn’t like at all : “ though, when you 
say c garden ’ — I've seen gardens, compared with which 
this would be a wilderness.” 

Alice didn’t dare to argue the point, but went on : 
“ — and I thought I’d try and find my way to the top of 
that hill — ” 

“When you say c hill,’ ” the Queen interrupted, “ I 
could show you hills, in comparison with which you’d call 
that a valley.” 


1 88 


The Garden of Live Flowers 


“No, I .shouldn’t,” said Alice, surprised into contra- 
dicting her at last ; “ a hill can t be a valley, you know. 
That would be nonsense — ” 

The Red Queen shook her head. “You may call it 
c nonsense ’ if you like,” she said, “ but I've heard non- 
sense, compared with which that would be as sensible as 
a dictionary ! ” 

Alice curtseyed again, as she was afraid from the 



Queen’s tone that she was a little offended ; and they 
walked on in silence till they got to the little hill. 

For some minutes Alice stood without speaking, look- 
ing out in all directions over the country — and a most 
curious country it was. There were a number of tiny 
little brooks running straight across it from side to side, 
and the ground between was divided up into squares by 
a number of little green hedges, that reached from brook 
to brook. 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ I declare it’s marked out just like a large chess- 
board ! ” Alice said at last. “ There ought to be some 
men moving about somewhere — and so there are ! ” she 
added in a tone of delight, and her heart began to beat 
quick with excitement as she went on. “ It’s a great huge 
game of chess that’s being played — all over the world — 
if this is the world at all, you know. Oh, what fun it is ! 
How I wish I was one of them ! I wouldn’t mind being 
a Pawn, if only I might join — though of course I should 
like to be a Queen, best.” 

She glanced rather shyly at the real Queen as she said 
this, but her companion only smiled pleasantly, and said, 
“That’s easily managed. You can be the White Queen’s 
Pawn, if you like, as Lily’s too young to play ; and 
you’re in the Second Square to begin with : when you get 
to the Eighth Square you’ll be a Queen — ” Just at this 
moment, somehow or other, they began to run. 

Alice never could quite make out, in thinking it over 
afterward, how it was that they began ; all she remembers 
is, that they were running hand in hand, and the Queen 
went so fast that it was all she could do to keep up with 
her : and still the Queen kept crying, “ Faster ! Faster ! ” 
but Alice felt she could not go faster, though she had no 
breath left to say so. 

The most curious part of the thing was, that the trees 
and the other things round them never changed their 
places at all : however fast they went, they never seemed 
to pass anything. “ I wonder if all the things move 
along with us ? ” thought poor puzzled Alice. And the 
v 1 9° ^ 


T iarden of Live Flowers 


Queen seen o guess her thoughts, for she cried, 
“ Faster ! ] try to talk ! ” 

Not that Alice had any idea of doing that. She felt 
as if she would never be able to talk again, she was get- 
ting so much out of breath : and still the Queen cried, 
“ Faster! Faster !” and dragged her along. “Are we 
nearly there ? ” Alice managed to pant out at last. 



“ Nearly there ! ” the Queen repeated. “ Why, we 
passed it ten minutes ago ! Faster ! ” And they ran on 
for a time in silence, with the wind whistling in Alice’s 
ears, and almost blowing her hair off her head, she fancied. 

“Now! Now !” cried the Queen. “Faster! Faster!” 
And they went so fast that at last they seemed to skim 
through the air, hardly touching the ground with their 
feet till suddenly, just as Alice was getting quite ex- 
191 


Through the Looking-Glass 

hausted, they stopped, and she found herself sitting on 
the ground, breathless and giddy. 

The Queen propped her up against a tree, and said 
kindly, “ You may rest a little, now.” 

Alice looked round her in great surprise. “ Why, I 
do believe weVe been under this tree the whole time ! 
Everything’s just as it was ! ” 

<c Of course it is,” said the Queen. “ What would 
you have it ? ” 

“Well, in our country,” said Alice, still panting a 
little, “ you’d generally get to somewhere else — if you 
ran very fast for a long time as we’ve been doing.” 

“ A slow sort of country ! ” said the Queen. “Now, 
here , you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep 
in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, 
you must run at least twice as fast as that ! ” 

“ I’d rather not try, please ! ” said Alice. “ I’m quite 
content to stay here — only I am so hot and thirsty ! ” 

“ I know what you d like ! ” the Queen said good- 
naturedly, taking a little box out of her pocket. “ Have 
a biscuit ? ” 

Alice thought it would not be civil to say “ No,” 
though it wasn’t at all what she wanted. So she took it, 
and ate it as well as she could, and it was very dry ; and 
she thought she had never been so nearly choked in all 
her life. 

“ While you’re refreshing yourself,” said the Queen, 
“ I’ll just take the measurements.” And she took a 
ribbon out of her pocket, marked in inches, and began 
192 


The Garden of Live Flowers 


measuring the ground, and sticking little pegs in here 
and there. 

“ At the end of two yards/' she said, putting in a peg 
to mark the distance, “ I shall give you your directions 
— have another biscuit ? ” 

“ No, thank you," said Alice : “ one’s quite enough ! ’’ 

“ Thirst quenched, I hope ? ’’ said the Queen. 

Alice did not know what to say to this, but luckily 
the Queen did not wait for an answer, but went on. 
“ At the end of three yards I shall repeat them — for fear 
of your forgetting them. At the end of four , I shall say 
good-by. And at the end of five> I shall go ! ’’ 

She had got all the pegs put in by this time, and 
Alice looked on with great interest as she returned to the 
tree, and then began slowly walking down the row. 

At the two-yard peg she faced round, and said, “ A 
pawn goes two squares in its first move, you know. 
So you’ll go very quickly through the Third Square — 
by railway, I should think — and you’ll find yourself in 
the Fourth Square in no time. Well, that square 
belongs to Tweedledum and Tweedledee — the Fifth is 
mostly water — the Sixth belongs to Humpty Dumpty — 
But you make no remark ? ’’ 

“ I — I didn’t know I had to make one — -just then,’’ 
Alice faltered out. 

“You should have said,’’ the Queen went on in a 
tone of grave reproof, “ c It’s extremely kind of you to 
tell me all this’ — however, we’ll suppose it said — the 
Seventh Square is all forest — however, one of the Knights 

193 


Vol. 3 


13 


Through the Looking-Glass 

will show you the way — and in the Eighth Square we 
shall be Queens together, and it’s all feasting and fun ! ” 
Alice got up and curtseyed, and sat down again. 

At the next peg the Queen turned again, and this 
time she said, “ Speak in French when you can't think 
of the English for a thing — turn out your toes as you 
walk — and remember who you are ! ” She did not wait 
for Alice to curtsey, this time, but walked on quickly to 
the next peg, where she turned for a moment to say 
“ Good-by," and then hurried on to the last. 

How it happened, Alice never knew, but exactly as 
she came to the last peg, she was gone. Whether she 
vanished into the air, or whether she ran quickly into 
the wood ( cc and she can run very fast ! ” thought Alice), 
there was no way of guessing, but she was gone, and 
Alice began to remember that she was a Pawn, and that 
it would soon be time for her to move. 


194 


CHAPTER III 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS 

O F COURSE the first thing to do was to make a 
grand survey of the country she was going to 
travel through. “ It's something very like learn- 
ing geography,” thought Alice, as she stood on tiptoe in 
hopes of being able to see a little further. “ Principal 
rivers — there are none. Principal mountains — I’m on 
the only one, but I don’t think it’s got any name. 
Principal towns — why, what are those creatures, making 
honey down there ? They can’t be bees — nobody ever 
saw bees a mile off, you know — and for some time she 
stood silent, watching one of them that was bustling 
about among the flowers, poking its proboscis into them, 
“just as if it was a regular bee,” thought Alice. 

However, this was anything but a regular bee: in 
fact, it was an elephant — as Alice soon found out, though 
the idea quite took her breath away at first. “ And 
what enormous flowers they must be!” was her next 
idea. “ Something like cottages with the roofs taken off, 
and stalks put to them — and what quantities of honey 
they must make ! I think I’ll go down and — no, I 
won’t go just yet,” she went on, checking herself just 
as she was beginning to run down the hill, and trying to 
find some excuse for turning shy so suddenly. “ It’ll 

195 


Through the Looking-Glass 

never do to go down among them without a good long 
branch to brush them away — and what fun it’ll be when 
they ask me how I liked my walk. I shall say, f Oh, I 
liked it well enough — ’ (here came the favorite little toss 
of the head), c only it was so dusty and hot, and the 
elephants did tease so ! ’ 

“ I think I’ll go down the other way,” she said after 
a pause ; “ and perhaps I may visit the elephants later 
on. Besides, I do so want to get into the Third 
Square ! ” 

So, with this excuse, she ran down the hill, and 
jumped over the first of the six little brooks. 

****** 

<f Tickets, please ! ” said the Guard, putting his b*v.d 
in at the window. In a moment everybody was holding 
out a ticket : they were about the same size as the peo- 
ple, and quite seemed to fill the carriage. 

“Now then! Show your ticket, child!” the Guard 
went on, looking angrily at Alice. And a great many 
voices all said together (“ like the chorus of a song,” 
thought Alice), “ Don’t keep him waiting, child ! Why, 
his time is worth a thousand pounds a minute ! ” 

“ I’m afraid I haven’t got one,” Alice said in a 
frightened tone : “ there wasn’t a ticket-office where I 
came from.” And again the chorus of voices went on : 
“ There wasn’t room for one where she came from. The 
land there is worth a thousand pounds an inch ! ” 

196 


Looking-Glass Insects 

“ Don’t make excuses,” said the Guard : “ you should 
have bought one from the engine-driver.” And once 
more the chorus of voices went on with, “ The man that 
drives the engine. Why, the smoke alone is worth a 
thousand pounds a puff! ” 

Alice thought to herself, “ Then there’s no use in 
speaking.” The voices didn’t join in, this time, as she 
hadn’t spoken, but, to her great surprise, they all thought 
in chorus (I hope you understand what thinking in chorus 
means — for I must confess / don’t), “ Better say nothing 
at all. Language is worth a thousand pounds a word ! ” 

“ I shall dream about a thousand pounds to-night, I 
know I shall ! ” thought Alice. 

All this time the Guard was looking at her, first 
through a telescope, then through a microscope, and then 
through an opera-glass. At last he said, “ You’re travel- 
ing the wrong way,” and shut up the window, and went 
away. 

“ So young a child,” said the gentleman sitting op- 
posite to her (he was dressed in white paper), “ ought to 
know which way she’s going, even if she doesn’t know 
her own name ! ” 

A Goat, that was sitting next to the gentleman in 
white, shut his eyes and said in a loud voice, “ She ought 
to know her way to the ticket-office, even if she doesn’t 
know her alphabet ! ” 

There was a Beetle sitting next the Goat (it was a 
very queer carriage-full of passengers altogether), and, as 
the rule seemed to be that they should all speak in turn, 

197 


Through the Looking-Glass 

he went on with, <c She’ll have to go back from here as 
luggage ! ” 

Alice couldn’t see who was sitting beyond the Beetle, 
but a hoarse voice spoke next. “ Change engines — ” it 
said, and there it choked and was obliged to leave off*. 



“ It sounds like a horse,” Alice thought to herself. 
And an extremely small voice, close to her ear, said, 

“ You might make a joke on that— something about ‘ horse ’ and 4 hoarse ’ you know.” 

Then a very gentle voice in the distance said, “ She 
must be labelled c Lass, with care ’ you know — ” 

And after that other voices went on (“ What a num- 
ber of people there are in the carriage ! ” thought Alice), 
saying, “ She must go by post, as she’s got a head on 

198 


Looking-Glass Insects 

her — ” “ She must be sent as a message by the tele- 
graph — ” “ She must draw the train herself the rest of 
the way — ,” and so on. 

But the gentleman dressed in white paper leaned for- 
ward and whispered in her ear, “ Never mind what they all 
say, my dear, but take a return ticket every time the train 
stops.” 

“ Indeed I shan’t ! ” Alice said rather impatiently. 
“ I don’t belong to this railway journey at all — I was in a 
wood just now — and I wish I could get back there ! ” 

“ You might make ajjoke on that” said the little voice close to her 

ear \ “ something about ‘ you would if you could, you know.’ ” 

“ Don’t tease so,” said Alice, looking about in vain 
to see where the voice came from. “ If you’re so anxious 
to have a joke made, why don’t you make one your- 
self? ” 

The little voice sighed deeply. It was very unhappy, 
evidently, and Alice would have said something pitying 
to comfort it, “ if it would only sigh like other people ! ” 
she thought. But this was such a wonderfully small 
sigh, that she wouldn’t have heard it at all, if it hadn’t 
come quite close to her ear. The consequence of this 
was that it tickled her ear very much, and quite took off* 
her thoughts from the unhappiness of the poor little 
creature. 

“ I know you are a friend,” the little Voice Went On l “a dear friend, 
and an old friend. And you won’t hurt me, though I am an insect.” 

“ What kind of insect ? ” Alice inquired, a little 
anxiously. What she really wanted to know was, whether 

199 


Through the Looking-Glass 

it could sting or not, but she thought this wouldn’t be 
quite a civil question to ask. 

“ what, then you don’t-” the little voice began, when it was 
drowned by a shrill scream from the engine, and every- 
body jumped up in alarm, Alice among the rest. 

The Horse, who had put his head out of the window, 
quietly drew it in and said, “ It’s only a brook we have 
to jump over.” Everybody seemed satisfied with this, 
though Alice felt a little nervous at the idea of trains 
jumping at all. “ However, it’ll take us into the Fourth 
Square, that’s some comfort ! ” she said to herself. In 
another moment she felt the carriage rise straight up into 
the air, and in her fright she caught at the thing nearest 
to her hand, which happened to be the Goat’s beard. 

But the beard seemed to melt away as she touched it, 
and she found herself sitting quietly under a tree — while 
the Gnat (for that was the insect she had been talking to) 
was balancing itself on a twig just over her head, and 
fanning her with its wings. 

It certainly was a very large Gnat : cc about the size of 
a chicken,” Alice thought. Still, she couldn’t feel nerv- 
ous with it, after they had been talking together so long. 

“ — then you don’t like all insects ? ” the Gnat went 
on, as quietly as if nothing had happened. 

“ I like them when they can talk,” Alice said. 
“ None of them ever talk, where I come from.” 


200 


Looking-Glass Insects 

“ What sort of insects do you rejoice in, where you 
come from ? ” the Gnat inquired. 

“ I don’t rejoice in insects at all,” Alice explained, 
“ because I’m rather afraid of them — at least the large 
kinds. But I can tell you the names of some of them.” 

“ Of course they answer to their names ? ” the Gnat 
remarked carelessly. 

“ I never knew them do it.” 



“What’s the use of their having names,” the Gnat 
said, “ if they won’t answer to them ? ” 

“No use to them” said Alice; “but it’s useful to 
the people that name them, I suppose. If not, why do 
thing have names at all ? ” 

“ I can’t say,” the Gnat replied. “ Further on, in 
the wood down there, they’ve got no names — however, 
go on with your list of insects : you’re wasting time.” 

“ Well, there’s the Horse-fly,” Alice began, counting 
off the names on her fingers. 

201 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ All right,” said the Gnat. “ Half way up that 
bush, you’ll see a Rocking-horse-fly, if you look. It’s 
made entirely of wood, and gets about by swinging itself 
from branch to branch.” 

“ What does it live on ? ” Alice asked, with great 
curiosity. 

“ Sap and sawdust,” said the Gnat. “ Go on with 
the list.” 



Alice looked at the Rocking-horse-fly with great in- 
terest, and made up her mind that it must have been just 
repainted, it looked so bright and sticky ; and then she 
went on. 

“ And there’s the Dragon-fly.” 

“ Look on the branch above your head,” said the 
Gnat, “ and there you’ll find a Snap-dragon-fly. Its 
body is made of plum-pudding, its wings of holly-leaves, 
and its head is a raisin burning in brandy.” 


202 


Looking-Glass Insects 

“ And what does it live on ? ” Alice asked, as before. 

“ Frumenty and mince-pie,” the Gnat replied; “and 
it makes its nest in a Christmas-box.” 

“And then there's the Butterfly,” Alice went on, 
after she had taken a good look at the insect with its head 
on fire, and had thought to herself, “ I wonder if that’s 
the reason insects are so fond of flying into candles — be- 
cause they want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies ! ” 



“ Crawling at your feet,” said the Gnat (Alice drew 
her feet back in some alarm), “ you may observe a 
Bread-and-butter-fly. Its wings are thin slices of bread- 
and-butter, its body is a crust, and its head is a lump of 
sugar.” 

“ And what does it live on ? ” 

“ Weak tea with cream in it.” 

A new difficulty came into Alice’s head. “ Supposing 
it couldn’t find any ? ” she suggested. 

203 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ Then it would die, of course.” 

“ But that must happen very often,” Alice remarked 
thoughtfully. 

<c It always happens,” said the Gnat. 

After this, Alice was silent for a minute or two, pon- 
dering. The Gnat amused itself meanwhile by humming 
round and round her head : at last it settled again and 
remarked, “ I suppose you don’t want to lose your 
name ? ” 

“ No, indeed,” Alice said, a little anxiously. 

<c And yet I don’t know,” the Gnat went on in a care- 
less tone : <c only think how convenient it would be if 
you could manage to go home without it ! For instance, 
if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she 
would call out, c Come here — ,’ and there she would have 
to leave off, because there wouldn’t be any name for her 
to call, and of course you wouldn’t have to go, you 
know.” 

“ That would never do, I’m sure,” said Alice : “ the 
governess would never think of excusing me lessons for 
that. If she couldn’t remember my name, she’d call me 
c Miss,’ as the servants do.” 

“ Well, if she said c Miss,’ and didn’t say anything 
more,” the Gnat remarked, <c of course you’d miss your 
lessons. That’s a joke. I wish you had made it.” 

“ Why do you wish I had made it ? ” Alice asked. 
<c It’s a very bad one.” 

But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two large tears 
came rolling down its cheeks. 

204 


Looking-Glass Insects 

“ You shouldn’t make jokes,” Alice said, “ if it makes 
you so unhappy.” 

Then came another of those melancholy little sighs, 
and this time the poor Gnat really seemed to have sighed 
itself away, for, when Alice looked up, there was nothing 
whatever to be seen on the twig, and, as she was getting 
quite chilly with sitting still so long, she got up and 
walked on. 

She very soon came to an open field, with a wood on 
the other side of it : it looked much darker than the last 
wood, and Alice felt a little timid about going into it. 
However, on second thoughts, she made up her mind to 
go on : “ for I certainly won’t go back” she thought to 
herself, and this was the only way to the Eighth Square. 

cc This must be the wood,” she said thoughtfully to 
herself, “ where things have no names. I wonder what’ll 
become of my name when I go in ? I shouldn’t like to 
lose it at all — because they’d have to give me another, and 
it would be almost certain to be an ugly one. But then 
the fun would be, trying to find the creature that had 
got my old name ! That’s just like the advertisements, 
you know, when people lose dogs — c answers to the name 
of “Dash”: had on a brass collar ’ — just fancy calling 
everything you met c Alice,’ till one of them answered ! 
Only they wouldn’t answer at all, if they were wise.” 

She was rambling on in this way when she reached 
the wood: it looked very cool and shady. “Well, at 
any rate it’s a great comfort,” she said as she stepped 
under the trees, “ after being so hot, to get into the — 
205 


Through the Looking-Glass 

into the — into what ? ” she went on, rather surprised at 
not being able to think of the word. “ I mean to get 
under the — under the — under this , you know ! ” putting 
her hand on the trunk of the tree. “ What does it call 
itself, I wonder ? I do believe it's got no name — why, 
to be sure it hasn’t ! ” 

She stood silent for a minute, thinking : then she 
suddenly began again. “ Then it really has happened, 
after all ! And now, who am I ? I will remember, if I 
can ! I’m determined to do it ! ” But being determined 
didn’t help her much, and all she could say, after a great 
deal of puzzling, was “ L, I know it begins with L ! ” 
Just then a Fawn came wandering by : it looked at 
Alice with its large gentle eyes, but didn’t seem at all 
frightened. “ Here then ! Here then ! ” Alice said, as 
she held out her hand and tried to stroke it ; but it only 
started back a little, and then stood looking at her again. 

“ What do you call yourself? ” the Fawn said at last. 
Such a soft sweet voice it had ! 

<c I wish I knew 1 ” thought poor Alice. She answered, 
rather sadly, “ Nothing, just now.” 

cc Think again,” it said : “ that won’t do.” 

Alice thought, but nothing came of it. “ Please, 
would you tell me what you call yourself? ” she said 
timidly. “ I think that might help a little.’* 

“ I’ll tell you, if you’ll come a little further on,” 
the Fawn said. “ I can’t remember here.” 

So they walked on together through the wood, Alice 
with her arms clasped lovingly round the soft neck of 
206 


Looking-Glass Insects 

the Fawn, till they came out into another open field, and 
here the Fawn gave a sudden bound into the air, and shook 
itself free from Alice's arm. cc I’m a Fawn ! ” it cried 
out in a voice of delight. “ And, dear me ! you’re a 
human child ! ” A sudden look of alarm came into its 



beautiful brown eyes, and in another moment it had darted 
away at full speed. 

Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to cry with 
vexation at having lost her dear little fellow-traveller so 
suddenly. “ However, I know my name now,” she said : 
“ that’s some comfort. Alice — Alice — I won’t forget it 
again. And now, which of these finger-posts ought I to 
follow, I wonder ? ” 


207 


Through the Looking-Glass 

It was not a very difficult question to answer, as there 
was only one road through the wood, and the two finger- 
posts both pointed along it. “ I’ll settle it,” Alice said 
to herself, “ when the road divides and they point differ- 
ent ways.” 

But this did not seem likely to happen. She went 
on and on, a long way, but, wherever the road divided, 
there were sure to be two finger-posts pointing the same 
way, one marked “ TO TWEEDLEDUM’S HOUSE,” 
and the other “ TO THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLE- 
DEE.” 

“ I do believe,” said Alice at last, “ that they live in 
the same house ! I wonder I never thought of that be- 
fore — But I can’t stay there long. I’ll just call and say 
c How d’ye do ? ’ and ask them the way out of the wood. 
If I could only get to the Eighth Square before it gets 
dark ! ” So she wandered on, talking to herself as she 
went, till, on turning a sharp corner, she came upon two 
fat little men, so suddenly that she could not help start- 
ing back, but in another moment she recovered herself, 
feeling sure that they must be 


208 


CHAPTER IV 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE 

T HEY were standing under a tree, each with an arm 
round the other’s neck, and Alice knew which 
was which in a moment, because one of them had 
“DUM” embroidered on his collar, and the other 
“ DEE.” 

“ I suppose they’ve each got ‘TWEEDLE’ round 
at the back of the collar,” she said to herself. 



Vol. 3 


209 


14 


Through the Looking-Glass 

They stood so still that she quite forgot they were 
alive, and she was just going round to see if the word 
“ TWEED LE ” was written at the back of each collar, 
when she was startled by a voice coming from the 
one marked “ DUM.” 

“ If you think we’re wax-works,” he said, “ you ought 
to pay, you know. Wax-works weren’t made to be 
looked at for nothing. Nohow ! ” 

“ Contrariwise,” added the one marked “ DEE,” “if 
you think we’re alive, you ought to speak.” 

“ I’m sure I’m very sorry,” was all Alice could say ; 
for the words of the old song kept ringing through her 
head like the ticking of a clock, and she could hardly 
help saying them out loud : — 

Tweedledum and Tweedledee 
Agreed to have a battle ; 

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee 
Had spoiled his' nice new rattle . 

Just then flew down a monstrous crow , 

As black as a tar-barrel ; 

Which frightened both the heroes so. 

They quite forgot their quarrel 

“ I know what you’re thinking about,” said Tweedle- 
dum ; “ but it isn’t so, nohow.” 

“Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledee, “if it was 
so, it might be ; and if it were so, it would be ; but as it 
isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.” 

“ I was thinking,” Alice said very politely, “ which is 

?ip 


Tweedledum and Tweedledee 

the best way out of this wood : it’s getting so dark. 
Would you tell me, please ? ” 

But the fat little men only looked at each other and 
grinned. 

They looked so exactly like a couple of great school- 
boys, that Alice couldn’t help pointing her finger at 
Tweedledum, and saying “ First Boy ! ” 

“ Nohow ! ” Tweedledum cried out briskly, and shut 
his mouth up again with a snap. 

“ Next Boy ! ” said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, 
though she felt quite certain he would only shout out 
“ Contrariwise ! ” and so he did. 

“ You’ve begun wrong ! ” cried Tweedledum. “ The 
first thing in a visit is to say, c How d’ye do ? ’ and shake 
hands !” And here the two brothers gave each other a 
hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free, 
to shake hands with her. 

Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them 
first, for fear of hurting the other one’s feelings ; so, as 
the best way out of the difficulty, she took hold of both 
hands at once : the next moment they were dancing round 
in a ring. This seemed quite natural (she remembered 
afterward), and she was not even surprised to hear music 
playing : it seemed to come from the tree under which 
they were dancing, and it was done (as well as she could 
make it out) by the branches rubbing one across the 
other, like fiddles and fiddle-sticks. 

“ But it certainly was funny ” (Alice said after- 
ward, when she was telling her sister the history of 


2 1 1 


Through the Looking-Glass 

all this) “ to find myself singing c Here we go round 
the mulberry bush .’ I don’t know when I began it, 
but somehow I felt as if I’d been singing it a long, 
long time ! ” 

The other two dancers were fat, and very soon out of 
breath. “ Four times round is enough for one dance,” 
Tweedledum panted out, and they left off dancing as 
suddenly as they had begun : the music stopped at the 
same moment. 

Then they let go of Alice’s hands, and stood looking 
at her for a minute : there was a rather awkward pause, 
as Alice didn’t know how to begin a conversation with 
people she had just been dancing with. “ It would 
never do to say, c How d’ye do ? ’ now” she said to her- 
self : “ we seem to have got beyond that, somehow ! ” 

“ I hope you’re not much tired ? ” she said at last. 

“Nohow. And thank you very much for asking,” 
said Tweedledum. 

“ So much obliged ! ” added Tweedledee. “ You like 
poetry ? ” 

“Ye-es, pretty well — some poetry,” Alice said doubt- 
fully. “ Would you tell me which road leads out of the 
wood ? ” 

“ What shall I repeat to her ? ” said Tweedledee, 
looking round at Tweedledum, with great solemn eyes, 
and not noticing Alice’s question. 

“‘The Walrus and the Carpenter ’ is the longest,” 
Tweedledum replied, giving his brother an affectionate 
hug. 


212 


Tweedledum and Tweedledee 

Tweedledee began instantly: 

t( The sun was shining — ” 

Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. “ If it's very 
long,” she said, as politely as she could, “would you 
please tell me first which road — ” 

Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again : 

<( The sun was shining on the sea. 

Shining with all his might : 

He did his very best to make 

The billows smooth and bright — 

And this was odd, because it was 
The middle of the night. 

The moon was shining sulkily. 

Because she thought the sun 
Had got no business to be there 
After the day was done — 

‘ It's very rude of him,' she said, 

* T i come and spoil the fun ! 9 

The sea was wet as wet could be. 

The sands were dry as dry. 

You could not see a cloud, because 
No cloud was in the sky : 

No birds were flying overhead — 

There were no birds to fly. 

The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Were walking close at hand: 

They wept like anything to see 
Such quantities of sand: 

213 


Through the Looking-Glass 



‘ If this were only cleared away. 

They said , « it would be grand ! 7 

* If seven maids with seven mops 

Swept it for half a year , 

Do you suppose ,* the Walrus said 
‘ That they could get it clear ? 7 

* I doubt ity said the Carpenter, 

And shed a bitter tear. 

* O Oysters , come and walk with us l 1 

The Walrus did beseech. 

* A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, 

Along the briny beach : 

W ”, cannot do with more than four. 

To give a hand to each . 9 

The eldest Oyster looked at him, 

But never a word he said : 


214 



Tweedledum and Tweedledee 


The eldest Oyster winked his eye, 

And shook his heavy head — 

Meaning to say he did not choose 
To leave the oyster-hed. 

But four young Oysters hurried up. 

All eager for the treat : 

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed. 
Their shoes were clean and neat — 

And this was odd, because, you know , 

They hadn' t any feet. 

Four other Oysters followed them. 

And yet another four ; 

And thick and fast they came at last. 

And more, and more, and more— 

All hopping through the frothy waves. 

And scrambling to the shore. 

The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Walked on a mile or so. 

And then they rested on a rock 
Conveniently low: 

And all the little Oysters stood 
And waited in a row. 

* The time has come,' the Walrus said, 

* To talk of many things: 

Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax — 

Of cabbages — and kings — 

And why the sea is boiling hot — 

And whether pigs have wings. * 

* But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried, 

* Before we have our chat ; 

215 ' 


4 


Through the Looking-Glass 



For some of us are out of breath , 
Ahd all of us are fat ! * 

‘ No hurry ! ’ said the Carpenter . 
They thanked him much for that. 


1 A loaf of bread? the Walrus said y 
* Is what we chiefly need : 

Pepper and vinegar besides 
Are very good indeed — 

\ Now y if you're ready y Oysters dear? 

\ We can begin to feed? 


( But not on us ! * the Oysters cried t 
Turning a little blue. 

1 After such kindness , that would be 
A dismal thing to do ! ' 

‘ The night is fine? the Walrus said. 
‘ Do you admire the view ? 

f It was so kind of you to come ! 

And you are very nice ! * 

21 6 


Tweedledum and Tweedledee 

The Carpenter said nothing but 

* Cut us another slice . 

I wish you were not quite so deaf — 

V ve had to ask you twice ! ' 

‘ It seems a shame,' the Walrus said \ 

‘ To play them such a trick. 

After we've brought them out so far , 

And made them trot so quick ! ' 

The Carpenter said nothing but 

* The butter's spread too thick l' 



‘ I weep for you ' the Walrus said : 

* I deeply sympathize. ' 

With sobs and tears he sorted out 
Those of the largest size , 

Holding his pocket-handkerchief 
Before his streaming eyes . 

‘ O Oysters ' said the Carpenter , 

* You' ve had a pleasant run l 
217 


Through the Looking-Glass 

Shall we be trotting home again ? 9 
But answer came there none — 

And this was scarcely odd , because 
They 9 d eaten every one . 99 

“ I like the Walrus best,” said Alice : “ because 
he was a little sorry for the poor oysters.” 

“ He eat more than the Carpenter, though,” said 
Tweedledee. “You see he held his handkerchief in front, 
so that the Carpenter couldn’t count how many he took : 
contrariwise.” 

<c That was mean ! ” Alice said, indignantly. “ Then 
I like the Carpenter best — if he didn’t eat so many as the 
Walrus.” 

“ But he ate as many as he could get,” said Tweedle- 
dum. 

This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, 
“ Well ! they were both very unpleasant characters — ” 
Here she checked herself in some alarm, at hearing 
something that sounded to her like the puffing of a large 
steam-engine in the wood near them, though she feared 
it was more likely to be a wild beast. “ Are there any 
lions or tigers about here ? ” she asked timidly. 

“ It’s only the Ked King snoring,” said Tweedledee. 

“ Come and look at him ! ” the brothers cried, and 
they each took one of Alice’s hands, and led her up to 
where the King was sleeping. 

“ Isn’t he a lovely sight ? ” said Tweedledum. 

Alice couldn’t say honestly that he was. He had a 
tall red night-cap on, with a tassel, and he was lying 
218 


Tweedledum and Tweedledee 


crumpled up into a sort of untidy heap, and snoring 
loud — “ fit to snore his head off! ” as Tweedledum re- 
marked. 

“ I’m afraid he’ll catch cold with lying on the damp 
grass,” said Alice, who was a very thoughtful little girl. 

“ He’s dreaming now,” said Tweedledee : “ and what 
do you think he’s dreaming about ? ” 

Alice said “ Nobody can guess that.” 



“ Why, aboutjy^ / ” Tweedledee exclaimed, clapping 
his hand triumphantly. “And if he left off dreaming 
about you, where do you suppose you’d be ? ” 

“ Where I am now, of course,” said Alice. 

“Not you!” Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. 
“ You’d be nowhere. Why, you’re only a sort of thing 
in his dream ! ” ^ 

“ If that there King was to wake,” added Tweedle- 
dum, “ you’d go out — bang ! — just like a candle !” 

219 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ I shouldn't ! " Alice exclaimed indignantly. “ Be- 
sides, if I'm only a sort of thing in his dream, what are 
you , I should like to know ? ” 

“ Ditto," said Tweedledum. 

“ Ditto, ditto ! ” cried Tweedledee. 

He shouted this so loud that Alice couldn't help say- 
ing “ Hush ! You'll be waking him, I'm afraid, if you 
make so much noise." 

“ Well, it’s no use your talking about waking him," 
said Tweedledum, “ when you're only one of the things 
in his dream. You know very well you’re not real." 

“ I am real ! " said Alice, and began to cry. 

“ You won’t make yourself a bit reader by crying," 
Tweedledee remarked : “ there’s nothing to cry about." 

“ If I wasn’t real," Alice said — half laughing through 
her tears, it all seemed so ridiculous — “ I shouldn't be 
able to cry." 

“ I hope you don't suppose those are real tears ? " 
Tweedledum interrupted in a tone of great contempt. 

“ I know they’re talking nonsense," Alice thought 
to herself : “ and it's foolish to cry about it." So she 
brushed away her tears, and went on, as cheerfully as she 
could, “ At any rate I’d better be getting out of the 
wood, for really it's coming on very dark. Do you 
think it’s going to rain ? " 

Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself 
and his brother, and looked up into it. a No, I don't 
think it is," he said : <c at least — not under here. No- 
how." 


220 


Tweedledum and Tweedledee 


“ But it may rain outside ? ” 

<c It may — if it chooses/’ said Tweedledee : “ we’ve 
no objection. Contrariwise. 

“ Selfish things ! ” thought Alice, and she was just 
going to say “ Good-night ” and leave them, when Twee- 
dledum sprang out from under the umbrella, and seized 
her by the wrist. 

“ Do you see that ? ” he said, in a voice choking with 
passion, and his eyes grew large and yellow all in a 
moment, as he pointed with a trembling finger at a small 
white thing lying under the tree. 

“ It’s only a rattle,” Alice said, after a careful exam- 
ination of the little white thing. “ Not a rattl z-snake, 
you know,” she added hastily, thinking that he was 
frightened : cc only an old rattle — quite old and broken.” 

“ I knew it was ! ” cried Tweedledum, beginning to 
stamp about wildly and tear his hair. “ It’s spoilt, of 
course!” Here he looked at Tweedledee, who im- 
mediately sat down on the ground, and tried to hide 
himself under the umbrella. 

Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said, in a 
soothing tone, “You needn’t be so angry about an old 
rattle.” 

“ But it isn't old ! ” Tweedledum cried, in a greater 
fury than ever. “It’s new, I tell you — I bought it 
yesterday — my nice new RATTLE ! ” and his voice 
rose to t perfect scream. 

All this time Tweedledee was trying his best to fold 
up the umbrella, with himself in it : which was such an 


Through the Looking-Glass 

extraordinary thing to do, that it quite took off Alice's 
attention from the angry brother. But he couldn’t quite 
succeed, and it ended in his rolling over, bundled up in 
the umbrella, with only his head out : and there he lay, 
opening and shutting his mouth and his large eyes — 



“looking more like a fish than anything else,” Alice 
thought. 

“ Of course you agree to have a battle ? ” Tweedle- 
dum said in a calmer tone. 

“ I suppose so,” the other sulkily replied, as he 
crawled out of the umbrella : cc only she must help us to 
dress up, you know.” 

So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand into the 
wood, and returned in a minute with their arr is full of 
things — such as bolsters, blankets, hearth-rugs, table*- 


Tweedledum and Tweedledee 


cloths, dish-covers, and coal-scuttles. “ I hope you’re a 
good hand at pinning and tying strings?” Tweedledum 
remarked. “ Every one of these things has got to go 
on, somehow or other.” 

Alice said afterward she had never seen such a fuss 
made about anything in all her life — the way those two 
bustled about — and the quantity of things they put on 
— and the trouble they gave her in tying strings and 
fastening buttons — “ Really they’ll be more like bundles 
of old clothes than anything else, by the time they’re 
ready ! ” she said to herself, as she arranged a bolster 
round the neck of Tweedledee, “to keep his head from 
being cut off,” as he said. 

“You know,” he added very gravely, “it’s one of 
the most serious things that can possibly happen to one 
in a battle — to get one’s head cut off.” 

Alice laughed loud : but she managed to turn it into 
a cough, for fear of hurting his feelings. 

“Do I look very pale?” said Tweedledum, coming 
up to have his helmet tied on. (He called it a helmet, 
though it certainly looked much more like a saucepan.) 

“Well — yes — a little ,” Alice replied gently. 

“ I’m very brave, generally,” he went on in a low 
voice : “ only to-day I happen to have a headache.” 

“And I've got a toothache!” said Tweedledee, who 
had overheard the remark. “ I’m far worse than you ! ” 

“Then you’d better not fight to-day,” said Alice, 
thinking it a good opportunity to make peace. 

We must have a bit of a fight, but I don’t care about 

22 3 


Through the Looking-Glass 

going on long,” said Tweedledum. “ What’s the time 
now? ” 

Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said, “ Half- 
past four.” 

“ Let’s fight till six, and then have dinner,” said 
Tweedledum. 

“Very well,” the other said, rather sadly: “and she 



can watch us — only you’d better not come very close,” 
he added : “ I generally hit every thing I can see — when 
I get really excited.” 

“ And I hit every thing within reach,” cried Tweed- 
leedum, “ whether I can see it or not ! ” 

Alice laughed. “ You must hit the trees pretty often, 
I should think,” she said. 


224 



Tweedledum and Tweedledee 

Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied 
smile. “ I don't suppose,” he said, “ there'll be a tree 
left standing, for ever so far round, by the time we've 
finished ! ” 

“ And all about a rattle ! ” said Alice, still hoping to 
make them a little ashamed of fighting for such a trifle. 

“ I shouldn't have minded it so much,” said 
Tweedledum, “if it hadn't been a new one.” 

“ I wish the monstrous crow would come ! ” thought 
Alice. 

“ There's only one sword, you know,” Tweedledum 
said to his brother : “ but you can have the umbrella — it’s 
quite as sharp. Only we must begin quick. It's getting 
as dark as it can.” 

“And darker,” said Tweedledee. 

It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice thought 
there must be a thunderstorm coming on. “ What a 
thick black cloud that is ! ” she said. “ And how fast it 
comes ! Why, I do believe it's got wings ! ” 

“ It’s the crow ! ” Tweedledum cried out in a shrill 
voice of alarm ; and the two brothers took to their heels 
and were out of sight in a moment. 

Alice ran a little way into the wood, and stopped 
under a large tree. “ It can never get at me here” she 
thought : “ it's far too large to squeeze itself in among 
the trees. But I wish it wouldn't flap its wings so — it 
makes quite a hurricane in the wood — here's somebody's 
shawl being blown away ! ” 


Vol. 3 


225 


15 


CHAPTER V 


WOOL AND WATER 

S HE caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked 
about for the owner : in another moment the 
White Queen came running wildly through the 
wood, with both arms stretched out wide, as if she were 
flying, and Alice very civilly went to meet her with the 
shawl. 

“ I’m very glad I happened to be in the way,” Alice 
said, as she helped her to put on her shawl again. 

The White Queen only looked at her in a helpless, 
frightened sort of way, and kept repeating something in 
a whisper to herself that sounded like “ Bread-and-butter, 
bread-and-butter,” and Alice felt that if there was to be 
any conversation at all, she must manage it herself. So 
she began rather timidly : “ Am I addressing the White 
Queen ? ” 

cc Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing,” the Queen 
said. “ It isn’t my notion of the thing, at all.” 

Alice thought it would never do to have an argument 
at the very beginning of their conversation, so she smiled 
and said, “ If your Majesty will only tell me the right 
way to begin, I’ll do it as well as I can.” 

“ But I don’t want it done at all ! ” groaned the poor 
226 


Wool and Water 

Queen. “ I’ve been a-dressing myself for the last two 
hours.” 

It would have been all the better, as it seemed to 
Alice, if she had got some one else to dress her, she was 
so dreadfully untidy. “ Every single thing’s crooked,” 
Alice thought to herself, “ and she’s all over pins ! — 
May I put your shawl 
straight for you ? ” she 
added aloud. 

“ I don’t know 
what’s the matter with 
it ! ” the Queen said, 
in a melancholy voice. 

“ It’s out of temper, 

1 think. I’ve pinned 
it here, and I’ve pinned 
it there, but there’s no 
pleasing it ! ” 

“\x.can tgo straight, 
you know, if you pin it 
all on one side,” Alice 
said, as she gently put it 
right for her ; “ and, dear me, what a state your hair is in ! ” 
“ The brush has got entangled in it ! ” the Queen said 
with a sigh. “ And I lost the comb yesterday.” 

Alice carefully released the brush, and did her best 
to get the hair into order. “ Come, you look rather bet- 
ter now ! ” she said, after altering most of the pins. 
“ But really you should have a lady’s-maid ! ” 

227 





Through the Looking-Glass 

“I’m sure I’ll take you with pleasure!” the Queen 
said. cc Twopence a week, and jam every other day.” 

Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, “ I don't 
want you to hire me — and I don’t care for jam.” 

“ It’s very good jam,” said the Queen. 

“ Well, I don’t want any to-day , at any rate.” 

“ You couldn’t have it if you did want it,” the Queen 
said. “ The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday — 
but never jam to-day .” 

“ It must come sometimes to c jam to-day,’ ” Alice 
objected. 

“No, it can’t,” said the Queen. “It’s jam every 
other day : to-day isn’t any other day, you know.” 

“ I don’t understand you,” said Alice. “ It’s dread- 
fully confusing ! ” 

“ That’s the effect of living backward,” the Queen 
said kindly : “ it always makes one a little giddy at 
first — ” 

“ Living backward ! ” Alice repeated in great aston- 
ishment. “ I never heard of such a thing ! ” 

“ — but there’s one great advantage in it, that one’s 
memory works both ways.” 

“ I’m sure mine only works one way,” Alice re- 
marked. “ I can’t remember things before they happen.” 

“ It’s a poor sort of memory that only works back- 
ward,” the Queen remarked. 

“What sort of things do you remember best ? ” Alice 
ventured to ask. 

“ Oh, things that happened the week after next,” the 

228 


Wool and Water 


Queen replied in a careless tone. cc For instance, now,” 
she went on, sticking a large piece of plaster on her 
finger as she spoke, “ there’s the King’s Messenger. He’s 
in prison now, being punished : and the trial doesn’t 
even begin till next Wednesday : and of course the crime 
comes last of all.” 

“ Suppose he never commits the crime ? ” said Alice. 

“That would be all the 
better, wouldn’t it ? ” the 
Queen said, as she bound 
the plaster round her finger 
with a bit of ribbon. 

Alice felt there was no 
denying that. “ Of course 
it would be all the better,” 
she said; “ but it wouldn’t 
be all the better his being 
punished.” 

“ You’re wrong there, 
at any rate,” said the Queen. 

“Were^w ever punished ?” 

“ Only for faults,” said 
Alice. 

“ And you were all the better for it, I know ! ” the 
Queen said triumphantly. 

“Yes, but then I had done the things I was punished 
for,” said Alice ; “ that makes all the difference.” 

“ But if you hadn t done them,” the Queen said, 
“ that would have been better still ; better, and better, 

229 



Through the Looking-Glass 

and better ! ” Her voice went higher with each “ better/’ 
till it got quite to a squeak at last. 

Alice was just beginning to say, <c There’s a mistake 
somewhere — ” when the Queen began screaming, so loud 
that she had to leave the sentence unfinished. “ Oh, oh, 
oh ! ” shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about as if 
she wanted to shake it off. “ My finger’s bleeding ! Oh, 
oh, oh, oh ! ” 

Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a 
steam engine, that Alice had to hold both her hands over 
her ears. 

“ What is the matter ? ” she said, as soon as there 
was a chance of making herself heard. “ Have you 
pricked your finger? ” 

“ I haven’t pricked it yet” the Queen said, “ but I 
soon shall — oh, oh, oh ! ” 

“ When do you expect to do it ? ” Alice asked, feel- 
ing very much inclined to laugh. 

“ When I fasten my shawl again,” the poor Queen 
groaned out : “ the brooch will come undone directly. 
Oh, oh ! ” As she said the words the brooch flew open, and 
the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to clasp it again. 

“Take care!” cried Alice. “You’re holding it all 
crooked ! ” And she caught at the brooch ; but it was 
too late : the pin had slipped, and the Queen had pricked 
her finger. 

“ That accounts for the bleeding, you see,” she said 
to Alice with a smile. “Now you understand the way 
things happen here.” 


Wool and Water 


“ But why don’t you scream now ? ” Alice asked, 
holding her hands ready to put over her ears again. 

“ Why, I’ve done all the screaming already,” said the 
Queen. “ What would be the good of having it all over 
again ? ” 

By this time it was getting light. <£ The crow must 
have flown away, I think,” said Alice: u I’m so glad it’s 
gone. I thought it was the night coming on.” 

“ I wish I could manage to be glad ! ” the Queen 
said. “Only I never can remember the rule. You must 
be very happy, living in this wood, and being glad when- 
ever you like ! ” 

“ Only it is so very lonely here ! ” Alice said in a 
melancholy voice ; and, at the thought of her loneliness, 
two large tears came rolling down her cheeks. 

“ Oh, don’t go on like that ! ” cried the poor Queen, 
wringing her hands in despair. “ Consider what a great 
girl you are. Consider what a long way you’ve come to- 
day. Consider what o’clock it is. Consider anything, 
only don’t cry ! ” 

Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the 
midst of her tears. cc Can you keep from crying by con- 
sidering things ? ” she asked. 

“ That’s the way it’s done,” the Queen said with great 
decision : “ nobody can do two things at once, you know. 
Let’s consider your age to begin with — how old are you ? ” 

cc I’m seven and a half, exactly.” 

“ You needn’t say c exactually,’ ” the Queen remarked. 
“ I can believe it without that. Now I’ll give you some- 
231 


Through the Looking-Glass 

thing to believe. I’m just one hundred and one, five 
months and a day.” 

“ I can’t believe that ! ” said Alice. 

“ Can’t you ? ” the Queen said in a pitying tone. 
“Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.” 

Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” she said: 
“ one can t believe impossible things.” 

“ I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the 
Queen. “ When I was your age, I always did it for half 
an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many 
as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes 
the shawl again ! ” 

The brooch had come undone as she spoke, and a 
sudden gust of wind blew the Queen’s shawl across a 
little brook. The Queen spread out her arms again, and 
went flying after it, and this time she succeeded in catch- 
ing it for herself. “ I’ve got it ! ” she cried in a tri- 
umphant tone. “ Now you shall see me pin it on again, 
all by myself! ” 

“ Then I hope your finger is better now ? ” Alice 
said very politely, as she crossed the little brook after 
the Queen. 

❖ * * * * * 

❖ * * * * t * 

“ Oh, much better ! ” cried the Queen, her voice 
rising into a squeak as she went on. “ Much be-etter ! 
Be-etter ! Be-e-e-etter ! Be-e-ehh ! ” The last word 
232 


Wool and Water 

ended in a long bleat, so like a sheep that Alice quite 
started. 

She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have sud- 
denly wrapped herself up in wool. Alice rubbed her 
eyes, and looked again. She couldn’t make out what 



had happened at all. Was she in a shop? And was 
that really — was it really a sheep that was sitting on the 
other side of the counter ? Rub as she would, she could 
make nothing more of it : she was in a little dark shop, 
leaning with her elbows on the counter, and opposite to 
233 


Through the Looking-Glass 

her was an old Sheep, sitting in an arm-chair, knitting, 
and every now and then leaving off to look at her 
through a great pair of spectacles. 

Cf What is it you want to buy ? ” the Sheep said at 
last, looking up for a moment from her knitting. 

“I don’t quite know yet,” Alice said very gently. 
“ I should like to look all round me first, if I might.” 

“ You may look in front of you, and on both sides, 
if you like,” said the Sheep; “ but you can’t look all 
round you — unless you’ve got eyes at the back of your 
head.” 

But these, as it happened, Alice had not got : so she 
contented herself with turning round, looking at the 
shelves as she came to them. 

The shop seemed to be full of all manner of curious 
things — but the oddest part of it all was that, whenever 
she looked hard at any shelf, to make out exactly what it 
had on it, that particular shelf was always quite empty, 
though the others round it were crowded as full as they 
could hold. 

“ Things flow about so here ! ” she said at last in a 
plaintive tone, after she had spent a minute or so in 
vainly pursuing a large bright thing, that looked some- 
times like a doll and sometimes like a work-box, and was 
always in the shelf next above the one she was looking 
at. “ And this one is the most provoking of all — but 
I’ll tell you what — ” she added, as a sudden thought 
struck her. “ I’ll follow it up to the very top shelf of 
all. It’ll puzzle it to go through the ceiling, I expect ! ” 
234 


Wool and Water 


But even this plan failed : the “ thing ” went through 
the ceiling as quietly as possible, as if it were quite used 
to it. 

<c Are you a child or a teetotum ? ” the Sheep said, as 
she took up another pair of needles. “ You’ll make me 
giddy soon, if you go on turning round like that.” She 
was now working with fourteen pairs at once, and Alice 
couldn’t help looking at her in great astonishment. 

“H ow can she knit with so many ? ” the puzzled 
child thought to herself. “ She gets more and more like 
a porcupine every minute ! ” 

“ Can you row ? ” the Sheep asked, handing her a 
pair of knitting-needles as she spoke. 

cc Yes, a little — but not on land — and not with 
needles — ” Alice was beginning to say, when suddenly 
the needles turned into oars in her hands, and she found 
they were in a little boat, gliding along between banks : 
so there was nothing for it but to do her best. 

“ Feather ! ” cried the Sheep, as she took up another 
pair of needles. 

This didn’t sound like a remark that needed any 
answer : so Alice said nothing, but pulled away. There 
was something very queer about the water, she thought, 
as every now and then the oars got fast in it, and would 
hardly come out again. 

“ Feather ! Feather ! ” the Sheep cried again, taking 
more needles. “ You’ll be catching a crab directly.” 

“ A dear little crab ! ” thought Alice. “ I should 
like that.” 


235 


Through the Looking-Glass 

‘didn’t you hear me say f Feather' ?” the Sheep 
cried angrily, taking up quite a bunch of needles. 

“ Indeed I did,” said Alice: “ you’ve said it very 
often — and very loud. Please where are the crabs ? ” 

“ In the water, of course!” said the Sheep, sticking 
some of the needles into her hair, as her hands were full. 
“ Feather, I say ! ” 

“ JVhy do you say ‘ Feather ’ so often ? ” Alice asked 
at last, rather vexed. “ I’m not a bird ! ” 

“ You are,” said the Sheep : “ you’re a little goose.” 

This offended Alice a little, so there was no more 
conversation for a minute or two, while the boat glided 
gently on, sometimes among beds of weeds (which made 
the oars stick fast in the water, worse than ever), and 
sometimes under trees, but always with the same tall 
river-banks frowning over their heads. 

“ Oh, please ! There are some scented rushes ! ” 
Alice cried in a sudden transport of delight. <c There 
really are — and such beauties ! ” 

“You needn't say ‘please’ to me about ’em,” the 
Sheep said, without looking up from her knitting : “ I 
didn’t put ’em there, and I’m not going to take ’em 
away.” 

“ No, but I meant — please, may we wait and pick 
some ? ” Alice pleaded. cc If you don’t mind stopping 
the boat for a minute.” 

“ How am / to stop it ? ” said the Sheep. “ If you 
leave off rowing, it’ll stop of itself.” 

So the boat was left to drift down the stream as it 
236 


Wool and Water 


would, till it glided gently in among the waving rushes. 
And then the little sleeves were carefully rolled up, and 
the little arms were plunged in elbow-deep, to get hold 
of the rushes a good long way down before breaking 
them off — and for a while Alice forget all about the Sheep 
and the knitting, as she bent over the side of the boat, 
with just the ends of her tangled hair dipping into the 
water — while with bright eager eyes she caught at one 
bunch after another of the darling scented rushes. 

“ I only hope the boat won't tipple over ! ” she said 
to herself. “ Oh, what a lovely one ! Only I couldn’t 
quite reach it.” And it certainly did seem a little pro- 
voking (“ almost as if it happened on purpose,” she 
thought) that, though she managed to pick plenty of 
beautiful rushes as the boat glided by, there was always 
a more lovely one that she couldn’t reach. 

“ The prettiest are always further ! ” she said at last, 
with a sigh at the obstinacy of the rushes in growing so 
far off, as, with flushed cheeks and dripping hair and 
hands, she scrambled back into her place, and began to 
arrange her new-found treasures. 

What mattered it to her just then that the rushes had 
begun to fade, and to lose all their scent and beauty, 
from the very moment that she picked them ? Even 
real scented rushes, you know, last only a very little 
while — and these, being dream-rushes, melted away 
almost like snow, as they lay in heaps at her feet — but 
Alice hardly noticed this, there were so many other 
curious things to think about. 

237 


Through the Looking-Glass 

They hadn’t gone much further before the blade of 
one of the oars got fast in the water and wouldn't come 
out again (so Alice explained it afterward), and the con- 
sequence was that the handle of it caught her under the 
chin, and, in spite of a series of little shrieks of “ Oh, oh, 
oh ! ” from poor Alice, it swept her straight off the seat, 
and down among the heap of rushes. 

However, she wasn’t a bit hurt, and was soon up again : 
the Sheep went on with her knitting all the while, just 
as if nothing had happened. “ That was a nice crab you 
caught ! ” she remarked, as Alice got back into her 
place, very much relieved to find herself still in the boat. 

“Was it? I didn’t see it,” said Alice, peeping 
cautiously over the side of the boat into the dark water. 
“ I wish I hadn’t let go — I should so like a little crab 
to take home with me ! ” But the Sheep only laughed 
scornfully, and went on with her knitting. 

“ Are there many crabs here ? ” said Alice. 

“ Crabs, and all sorts of things,” said the Sheep : 
“plenty of choice, only make up your mind. Now, 
what do you want to buy ? ” 

“To buy!” Alice echoed in a tone that was half 
astonished and half frightened — for the oars, and the 
boat, and the river, had vanished all in a moment, and 
she was back again in the little dark shop. 

“ I should like to buy an egg, please,” she said 
timidly. “ How do you sell them ? ” 

“ Fivepence farthing for one — twopence for two,” 
the Sheep replied. 


238 


Wool and Water 


“ Then two are cheaper than one ? ” Alice said in a 
surprised tone, taking out her purse. 



cc Only you must eat them both, if you buy two,” said 
the Sheep. 

“ Then I’ll have one, please,” said Alice, as she put 
the money down on the counter. For she thought to 
herself, “ They mightn’t be at all nice, you know.” 

239 


Through the Looking-Glass 

The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box : 
then she said cc I never put things into people's hands — 
that would never do — you must get it for yourself." 
And so saying, she went off to the other end of the shop, 
and set the egg upright on a shelf. 

“ I wonder why it wouldn’t do ? ” thought Alice, as 
she groped her way among the tables and chairs, for the 
shop was very dark toward the end. “ The egg seems 
to get further away the more I walk toward it. Let me 
see, is this a chair ? Why, it’s got branches, I declare ! 
How very odd to find trees growing here ! And actually 
here’s a little brook! Well, this is the very queerest 
shop I ever saw ! ’’ 

:{: ❖ * * :{: 

* * ❖ * * * 

So she went on, wondering more and more at every 
step, as everything turned into a tree the moment she 
came up to it, and she quite expected the egg to do the 
same. 


240 


CHAPTER VI 


HUMPTY DUMPTY 

H OWEVER, the egg only got larger and larger, 
and more and more human : when she had come 
within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes 
and a nose and mouth ; and, when she had come close to 
it, she saw clearly that it was HUMPTY DUMPTY 
himself. “It can't be anybody else !” she said to her- 
self. “ I’m as certain of it, as if his name were written all 
over his face ! ” 

It might have been written a hundred times, easily, 
on that enormous face. Humpty Dumpty was sitting, 
with his legs crossed like a Turk, on the top of a high 
wall — such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered how 
he could keep his balance — and, as his eyes were steadily 
fixed in the opposite direction, and he didn’t take the 
least notice of her, she thought he must be a stuffed figure, 
after all. 

“ And how exactly like an egg he is ! ” she said aloud, 
standing with her hands ready to catch him, for she was 
every moment expecting him to fall. 

“It’s very provoking,” Humpty Dumpty said after a 
long silence, looking away from Alice as he spoke, “to 
be called an egg — very l ” 


Vol. 3 


241 


16 


Through the Looking-Glass 

cc I said you looked like an egg, Sir,” Alice gently ex- 
plained. “ And some eggs are very pretty, you know,” 
she added, hoping to turn her remark into a sort of 
compliment. 

“ Some people,” said Humpty Dumpty, looking 
away from her as usual, “ have no more sense than 
a baby ! ” 

Alice didn’t know what to say to this : it wasn’t at all 
like conversation, she thought, as he never said anything 
to her ; in fact, his last remark was evidently addressed 
to a tree — so she stood and softly repeated to herself : — 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall: 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 

All the King' s horses and all the King's men 

Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again." 


“ That last line is much too long for the poetry,” she 
said, almost out loud, forgetting that Humpty Dumpty 
would hear her. 

“ Don’t stand chattering to yourself like that,” 
Humpty Dumpty said, looking at her for the first time, 
“ but tell me your name and your business.” 

“ My name is Alice, but — ” 

“ It’s a stupid name enough ! ” Humpty Dumpty 
interrupted impatiently. “ What does it mean ? ” 

“ Must a name mean something?” Alice asked 
doubtfully. 

“ Of course it must,” Humpty Dumpty said with a 
short laugh : “ my name means the shape I am — and a good 

242 


1 


Humpty Dumpty 

handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you 
might be any shape, almost.” 

“ Why do you sit out here all alone ? ” said Alice, not 
wishing to begin an argument. 

“ Why, because there's nobody with me ! ” cried 
Humpty Dumpty. “ Did you think I didn’t know the 
answer to that? Ask another.” 

“ Don’t you think you’d be safer down on the ground?” 
Alice went on, not with any idea of making another 
riddle, but simply in her good-natured anxiety for the 
queer creature. “That wall is so very narrow ! ” 

“ What tremendously easy riddles you ask ! ” Humpty 
Dumpty growled out. “ Of course I don’t think so ! 
Why, if ever I did fall off — which there’s no chance of — 
but if I did — ” Here he pursed up his lips, and looked 
so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help laugh- 
ing. “ If l did fall,” he went on, “ the King has promised 
me — ah, you may turn pale, if you like ! You didn’t 
think I was going to say that, did you ? The King has 
promised me — with his very own mouth — to — to — ” 

“To send all his horses and all his men,” Alice inter- 
rupted, rather unwisely. 

“ Now I declare that’s too bad ! ” Humpty Dumpty 
cried, breaking into a sudden passion. “You’ve been 
listening at doors — and behind trees — and down chimneys 
— or you couldn’t have known it ! ” 

“ I haven’t, indeed ! ” Alice said very gently. “ It’s 
in a book.” 

“Ah, well! They may write such things in a bookf 
243 


Through the Looking-Glass 


Humpty Dumpty said in a calmer tone. “ That’s what 
you call a History of England, that is. Now, take a 
good look at me ! I’m one that has spoken to a King, 



I am : mayhap you’ll never 
see such another : and, to 
show you I’m not proud, you 
may shake hands with me ! ” 
And he grinned almost from 
ear to ear, as he leaned for- 
ward (and as nearly as pos- 
sible fell off the wall in doing 
so) and offered Alice his hand. 
She watched him a little anx- 
iously as she took it. “ If he smiled much more the ends 
of his mouth might meet behind,” she thought ; “ and then 
I don’t know what would happen to his head ! I’m afraid 
it would come off! ” 


244 


Humpty Dumpty 

“Yes, all his horses and all his men,” Humpty 
Dumpty went on. £C They’d pick me up again in a 
minute, they would ! However, this conversation is 
going on a little too fast : let’s go back to the last remark 
but one.” 

££ I’m afraid I can’t quite remember it,” Alice said, 
very politely. 

££ In that case we start afresh,” said Humpty Dumpty, 
££ and it’s my turn to choose a subject — ” ( ££ He talks 

about it just as if it was a game ! ” thought Alice.) ££ So 
here’s a question for you. How old did you say you 
were ? ” 

Alice made a short calculation, and said ££ Seven years 
and six months.” 

££ Wrong ! ” Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumph- 
antly. ££ You never said a word like it ! ” 

££ I thought you meant £ How old are you ? ’ ” Alice 
explained. 

££ If I’d meant that. I’d have said it,” said Humpty 
Dumpty. 

Alice didn’t want to begin another argument, so she 
said nothing. 

££ Seven years and six months ! ” Humpty Dumpty 
repeated thoughtfully. ££ An uncomfortable sort of age. 
Now if you’d asked my advice. I’d have said, £ Leave off 
at seven ’ — but it’s too late now.” 

££ I never ask advice about growing,” Alice said in- 
dignantly. 

££ Too proud ? ” the other inquired. 

245 


/ 


Through the Looking-Glass 

Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion. 
“ I mean,” she said, “ that one can’t help growing 
older.” 

cc One can’t, perhaps,” said Humpty Dumpty ; “ but 
two can. With proper assistance, you might have left 
off at seven.” 

“ What a beautiful belt you’ve got on !” Alice sud- 
denly remarked. (They had had quite enough of the 
subject of age, she thought : and, if they really were to 
take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) 
“ At least,” she corrected herself on second thoughts, “ a 
beautiful cravat, I should have said — no, a belt, I mean 
— I beg your pardon ! ” she added in dismay, for 
Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she 
began to wish she hadn’t chosen that subject. “ If only 
I knew,” she thought to herself, “ which was neck and 
which was waist ! ” 

Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though 
he said nothing for a minute or two. When he did 
speak again, it was in a deep growl. 

“It is a — most — provoking — thing,” he said at last, 
“ when a person doesn’t know a cravat from a belt ! ” 

“ I know it’s very ignorant of me,” Alice said, in so 
humble a tone that Humpty Dumpty relented. 

“ It’s a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. 
It’s a present from the White King and Queen. There 
now ! ” 

“ Is it really ? ” said Alice, quite pleased to find that 
she had chosen a good subject, after all. 

246 


Humpty Dumpty 

“They gave it me,” Humpty Dumpty continued 
thoughtfully, as he crossed one knee over the other and 
clasped his hands round it, “ they gave it me — for an 
un-birthday present.” 

“ I beg your pardon ? ” Alice said with a puzzled air. 

“ I’m not offended,” said Humpty Dumpty. 

“ I mean, what is an un-birthday present ? ” 

“ A present given when it isn’t your birthday, of 
course.” 

Alice considered a little. “ I like birthday presents 
best,” she said at last. 

“ You don’t know what you’re talking about ! ” cried 
Humpty Dumpty. “ How many days are there in a 
year ? ” 

“ Three hundred and sixty-five,” said Alice. 

“ And how many birthdays have you ? ” 

“ One.” 

“ And if you take one from three hundred and sixty- 
five, what remains ? ” 

“ Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.” 

Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful. “ I’d rather see 
that done on paper,” he said. 

Alice couldn’t help smiling as she took out her mem- 
orandum-book, and worked the sum for him : 

365 

1 

364 

Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it 
carefully. “ That seems to be done right — ” he began. 

247 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ You're holding it upside down ! ” Alice inter- 
rupted. 

“To be sure I was ! ” Humpty Dumpty said gayly, 
as she turned it round for him. “ I thought it looked a 
little queer. As I was saying, that seems to be done 
right — though I haven't time to look it over thoroughly 
just now — and that shows that there are three hundred 
and sixty-four days when you might get unbirthday 
presents — " 

“ Certainly,” said Alice. 

“ And only one for birthday presents, you knpw. 
There’s glory for you ! ” 

“ I don't know what you mean by c glory,' ” Alice 
said. 

Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. “ Of 
course you don’t — till I tell you. I meant c there's a 
nice knock-down argument for you ! ' ” 

“ But c glory ' doesn’t mean c a nice knock-down 
argument,' ” Alice objected. 

“ When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in 
rather a scornful tone, “ it means just what I choose it 
to mean — neither more nor less.” 

“ The question is,” said Alice, “ whether you can 
make words mean so many different things.” 

“ The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “ which 
is to be master — that's all.” 

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything ; so after 
a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. “ They've a 
temper, some of them — particularly verbs : they’re the 
248 


Humpty Dumpty 

proudest — adjectives you can do anything with, but not 
verbs — however, I can manage the whole lot of them ! 
Impenetrability ! That’s what I say ! ” 

“ Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, “what that 
means ? ” 

“ Now you talk like a reasonable child,” said Humpty 
Dumpty, looking very much pleased. “ I meant by 
c impenetrability ’ that we’ve had enough of that subject, 
and it would be just as well if you’d mention what 
you mean to do next, as I suppose you don’t mean to 
stop here all the rest of your life.” 

“ That’s a great deal to make one word mean,” Alice 
said in a thoughtful tone. 

“ When I make a word do a lot of work like that,” 
said Humpty Dumpty, “ I always pay it extra.” 

“ Oh ! ” said Alice. She was too much puzzled to 
make any other remark. 

“ Ah, you should see ’em come round me of a Satur- 
day night,” Humpty Dumpty went on, wagging his 
head gravely from side to side, “ for to get their wages, 
you know.” 

(Alice didn’t venture to ask what he paid them with ; 
and so you see I can’t tell you.) 

“ You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir,” said 
Alice. “ Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the 
poem called c Jabberwocky ’ ? ” 

“ Let’s hear it,” said Humpty Dumpty. <c I can 
explain all the poems that ever were invented — -and a 
good many that haven’t been invented just yet.” 

249 


Through the Looking-Glass 

This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the 
first verse : — 

“ ’ Twas brillig , and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: 

All mimsy were the borogoves , 

And the mome raths outgrabe” 

“ That’s enough to begin with,” Humpty Dumpty 
interrupted : “ there are plenty of hard words there. 
c Brillig ' means four o’clock in the afternoon — the time 
when you begin broiling things for dinner.” 

“ That’ll do very well,” said Alice : “ and ‘ slithy ’ ? ” 

“Well, ‘ slithy ’ means ‘lithe and slimy.’ ‘Lithe’ is 
the same as ‘active.’ You see it’s like a portmanteau — 
there are two meanings packed up into one word.” 

“ I see it now,” Alice remarked thoughtfully : “ and 
what are ‘ toves ' ? " 

“Well, ‘ toves ’ are something like badgers — they’re 
something like lizards — and they’re something like cork- 
screws.” 

“ They must be very curious-looking creatures.” 

“ They are that,” said Humpty Dumpty : “ also they 
make their nests under sun-dials — also they live on 
cheese.” 

“And what’s to ‘ gyre ’ and to ‘gimble' ? " 

“To ‘gyre' is to go round and round like a gyro- 
scope. To ‘gimble' is to make holes like a gimblet.” 

“And ‘ the wabe' is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, 
I suppose ” ? said Alice, surprised at her own ingenuity. 

“Of course it is. It’s called ‘wabe,' you know, 
250 


Humpty Dumpty 

because it goes a long way before it, and a long way be- 
hind it — ” 

“ And a long way beyond it on each side,” Alice 
added. 



“ Exactly so. Well then, c mimsy' is c flimsy and 
miserable ’ (there’s another portmanteau for you). And 
a ‘ borogove ’ is a thin, shabby-looking bird with its 

2 5 x 


Through the Looking-Glass 

feathers sticking out all round — something like a live 
mop.” 

“ And then c mome raths ’ ? ” said Alice. “ I’m afraid 
I’m giving you a great deal of trouble.” 

“ Well, a c rath ’ is a sort of green pig : but c mome * 
I’m not certain about. I think it’s short for c from 
home ’ — meaning that they’d lost their way, you know.” 

“ And what does c outgrahe ’ mean ? ” 

“Well outgribing' is something between bellowing 
and whistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle : how- 
ever, you’ll hear it done, maybe — down in the wood 
yonder — and, when you’ve once heard it, you’ll be quite 
content. Who’s been repeating all that hard stuff to 

? J9 

“ I read it in a book,” said Alice. “ But I had some 
poetry repeated to me much easier than that, by — Twee- 
dledee, I think it was.” 

“ As to poetry, you know,” said Humpty Dumpty, 
stretching out one of his great hands, “ I can repeat 
poetry as well as other folk, if it comes to that — ” 

“ Oh, it needn’t come to that ! ” Alice hastily said, 
hoping to keep him from beginning. 

“The piece I’m going to repeat,” he went on with- 
out noticing her remark, “ was written entirely for your 
amusement.” 

Alice felt that in that case she really ought to listen to 
it ; so she sat down, and said “ Thank you ” rather sadly. 

“ In winter , when the fields are white , 

1 sing this song for your delight — 

252 


Humpty Dumpty 

only I don’t sing it,” Humpty Dumpty added, as an 
explanation. 

“ I see you don’t,” said Alice. 

“ If you can see whether I’m singing or not, you’ve 
sharper eyes than most,” Humpty Dumpty remarked 
severely. Alice was silent. 

“ In springy when woods are getting green * 

V ll try and tell you what 1 mean : " 

“ Thank you very much,” said Alice. 

** In summer y when the days are long. 

Perhaps you' ll understand the song: 

In autumn y when the leaves are brown t 
Take pen and inky and write it down." 

“ I will, if I can remember it so long,” said Alice. 
“You needn’t go on making remarks like that,” 
Humpty Dumpty said : “ they’re not sensible, and they 
put me out.” 

“ I sent a message to the fish : 

I told them * This is what 1 wish. * 

The little fishes of the sea y 
They sent an answer back to me. 

The little fishes' answer was 
* We cannot do it , Sir, because — * 99 

“ I’m afraid I don’t quite understand,” said Alice. 

“ It gets easier further on,” Humpty Dumpty replied. 

253 


Through the Looking-Glass 

tf I sent to them again to say 
( It will be better to obey. 1 

The fishes answered , with a grin, 

* Why, what a temper you are in ! * 

I told them once, I told them twice : 

They would not listen to advice . 



/ took a kettle large and new. 
Fit for the deed 1 had to do. 


My heart went hop, my heart went thump 
I filled the kettle at the pump. 

Then some one came to me and said 
* The little fishes are in bed.' 

254 


Humpty Dumpty 

I said to bwiy I said it plain y 
* Then you must wake them up again . * 

/ said it very loud and clear : 

I went and shouted in his ear.” 

Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream 
as he repeated this verse, and Alice thought, with a 
shudder, “ I wouldn’t have been the messenger for any- 
thing ! ” 

“ But he was very stiff and proud: 

He said ‘ You needn't shout so loud! 9 

And he was very proud and stiff : 

He said € V d go and wake them , if — 9 

I took a corkscrew from the shelf: 

I went to wake them up myself 

And when I found the door was locked , 

1 pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked. 

And when I found the door was shut , 

I tried to turn the handle , but — * 9 

There was a long pause. 

cc Is that all ? ” Alice timidly asked. 

“ That’s all,” said Humpty Dumpty. “ Good- 

b y-” 

This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after 
such a very strong hint that she ought to be going, she 
felt that it would hardly be civil to stay. So she got up, 

255 


Through the Looking-Glass 

and held out her hand. “ Good-by, till we meet 
again ! ” she said as cheerfully as she could. 

“ I shouldn’t know you again if we did meet,” 
Humpty Dumpty replied in a discontented tone, giving 
her one of his fingers to shake : cc you’re so exactly like 
other people.” 

c< The face is what one goes by, generally,” Alice 
remarked in a thoughtful tone. 

cc That’s just what I complain of,” said Humpty 
Dumpty. “Your face is the same as everybody has — 
the two eyes, so — ” (marking their places in the air with 
his thumb) “ nose in the middle, mouth under. It’s 
always the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the 
same side of the nose, for instance — or the mouth at the 
top — that would be some help.” 

“ It wouldn’t look nice,” Alice objected. But 
Humpty Dumpty only shut his eyes, and said “ Wait 
till you’ve tried.” 

Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, 
but, as he never opened his eyes or took any further notice 
of her, she said “ Good-by ! ” one more, and, getting no 
answer to this, she quietly walked away : but she couldn’t 
help saying to herself, as she went, “ Of all the unsatisfac- 
tory — ” (she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort 
to have such a long word to say) “ of all the unsatisfac- 
tory people I ever met — ” She never finished the sen- 
tence, for at this moment a heavy crash shook the forest 
from end to end. 


256 


CHAPTER VII 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 

T HE next moment soldiers came running through 
the wood, at first in twos and threes, then ten or 
twenty together, and at last in such crowds that 
they seemed to filf the whole forest. Alice got behind a 
tree, for fear of being run over, and watched them go by. 

She thought that in all her life she had never seen 
soldiers so uncertain on their feet : they were always trip- 
ping over something or other, and whenever one went 
down, several more always fell over him, so that the 
ground was soon covered with little heaps of men. 

Then came the horses. Having four feet, these 
managed rather better than the foot-soldiers ; but even 
they stumbled now and then ; and it seemed to be a 
regular rule that, whenever a horse stumbled, the rider 
fell off instantly. The confusion got worse every moment, 
and Alice was very glad to get out of the wood into an 
open place, where she found the White King seated on 
the ground, busily writing in his memorandum-book. 

“ Tve sent them all ! ” the King cried in a tone of 
delight, on seeing Alice. “ Did you happen to meet any 
soldiers, my dear, as you came through the wood ? ” 

257 


Vol. 3 


17 


Through the Looking-Glass 

« Yes, I did,” said Alice : “ several thousand, I should 
think.” 

“ Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the 



exact number,” the King said, referring to his book. “ I 
couldn't send all the horses, you know, because two of 
them are wanted in the game. And I haven't sent the 
258 


The Lion and the Unicorn 


two Messengers, either. They’re both gone to the town. 
Just look along the road, and tell me if you can see either 
of them.” 

“ I see nobody on the road,” said Alice. 

“ I only wish / had such eyes,” the King remarked 
in a fretful tone. £C To be able to see Nobody ! And 
at that distance too ! Why, it’s as much as I can do to 
see real people, by this light ! ” 

All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking in- 
tently along the road, shading her eyes with one hand. 
“ I see somebody now ! ” she exclaimed at last. “ But 
he’s coming very slowly — and what curious attitudes he 
goes into ! ” (For the Messenger kept skipping up and 
down, and wriggling like ah eel, as he came along, with 
his great hands spread out like fans on each side.) 

“ Not at all,” said the King. iC He’s an Anglo- 
Saxon Messenger — and those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. 
He only does them when he’s happy. His name is 
Haigha.” (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with 
cc mayor.”) 

cc I love my love with an H,” Alice couldn’t help 
beginning, “ because he is Happy. I hate him with an 
H, because he is Hideous. I fed him with — with — with 
Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and 
he lives — ” 

cc He lives on the Hill,” the King remarked simply, 
without the least idea that he was joining in the game, 
while Alice was still hesitating for the name of a town 
beginning with H. “ The other Messenger’s called 

259 


Through the Looking-Glass 

Hatta. I must have two , you know — to come and go. 
One to come, and one to go.” 

“ I beg your pardon ? ” said Alice. 

“ It isn't respectable to beg,” said the King. 

“ I only meant that I didn’t understand,” said Alice. 
“ Why one to come and one to go ? ” 



“ Don’t I tell you ? ” the King repeated impatiently. 
“I must have two — to fetch and carry. One to fetch, 
and one to carry.” 

At this moment the Messenger arrived : he was far 
too much out of breath to say a word, and could only 
wave his hands about, and make the most fearful faces at 
the poor King. 

“This young lady loves you with an H,” the King 

260 


The Lion and the Unicorn 


said, introducing Alice in the hope of turning off the 
Messenger’s attention from himself — but it was of no use 
— the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more extraordinary 
every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from 
side to side. 

“You alarm me!” said the King. “I feel faint — 
Give me a ham sandwich ! ” 

On which the Messenger, to Alice’s great amusement, 
opened a bag that hung round his neck, and handed a 
sandwich to the King, who devoured it greedily. 

“ Another sandwich ! ” said the King. 

“ There’s nothing but hay left now,” the Messenger 
said, peeping into the bag. 

“ Hay, then,” the King murmured in a faint 
whisper. 

Alice was glad to see that it revived him a good deal. 
cc There’s nothing like eating hay when you’re faint,” he 
remarked to her, as he munched away. 

“ I should think throwing cold water over you would 
be better,” Alice suggested : “ — or some sal-volatile.” 

“ I didn’t say there was nothing better ,” the King re- 
plied. “ I said there was nothing like it.” Which Alice 
did not venture to deny. 

“ Who did you pass on the road ? ” the King went 
on, holding out his hand to the Messenger for some 
more hay. 

“Nobody,” said the Messenger. 

“ Quite right,” said the King : “ this young lady saw 
him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you.” 

261 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ I do my best,” the Messenger said in a sullen tone. 
“ I’m sure nobody walks much faster than I do ! ” 

“ He can’t do that,’* said the King, cc or else he’d 
have been here first. However, now you’ve got your 
breath, you may tell us what’s happened in the town.” 

“ I’ll whisper it,” said the Messenger, putting his 
hands to his mouth in the shape of a trumpet and stoop- 
ing so as to get close to the King’s ear. Alice was sorry 
for this, as she wanted to hear the news too. However, 
instead of whispering, he simply shouted, at the top of 
his voice, “ They’re at it again ! ” 

“ Do you call that a whisper ? ” cried the poor King, 
jumping up and shaking himself. “ If you do such a 
thing again, I’ll have you buttered ! It went through 
and through my head like an earthquake ! ” 

“ It would have to be a very tiny earthquake ! ” 
thought Alice. “ Who are at it again ? ” she ventured 
to ask. 

“ Why, the Lion and the Unicorn, of course,” said 
the King. 

“ Fighting for the crown ? ” 

“ Yes, to be sure,” said the King: “and the best of 
the joke is, that it’s my crown all the while ! Let’s run 
and see them.” And they trotted off, Alice repeating to 
herself, as she ran, the words of the old song : — 

** The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown: 

The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town . 

Some gave them white bread t some gave them brown : 

Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.” 

262 


The Lion and the Unicorn 


“ Does — the one — that wins — get the crown ? ” she 
asked, as well as she could, for the run was putting her 
quite out of breath. 

“ Dear me, no ! ” said the King. “ What an idea ! ” 

“ Would you — be good enough — ” Alice panted out, 
after running a little further, “ to stop a minute — -just 
to get — one’s breath again ? ” 

“ I’m good enough,” the King said, “ only I’m 
not strong enough. You see, a minute goes by so 
fearfully quick. You might as well try to stop a 
Bandersnatch ! ” 

Alice had no more breath for talking ; so they trotted 
on in silence, till they came into sight of a great crowd, 
in the middle of which the Lion and Unicorn were fight- 
ing. They were in such a cloud of dust, that at first 
Alice could not make out which was which ; but she soon 
managed to distinguish the Unicorn by his horn. 

They placed themselves close to where Hatta, the 
other Messenger, was standing watching the fight, with a 
cup of tea in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in 
the other. 

“ He’s only just out of prison, and he hadn’t finished 
his tea when he was sent in,” Haigha whispered to Alice : 
“ and they only give them oyster-shells in there — so you 
see he’s very hungry and thirsty. How are you, dear 
child ? ” he went on, putting his arm affectionately round 
Hatta’s neck. 

Hatta looked round and nodded, and went on with 
his bread-and-butter. 


263 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“Were you happy in prison, dear child?” said 
Haigha. 

Hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear 
or two trickled down his cheek ; but not a word would 
he say. 



“ Speak, can't you ! ” Haigha cried impatiently. But 
Hatta only munched away, and drank some more tea. 

“ Speak, won't you ! ” cried the King. “ How are 
they getting on with the fight ? ” 

Hatta made a desperate effort, and swallowed a large 
piece of bread-and-butter. “ They’re getting on very 
well,” he said in a choking voice : “ each of them has 
been down about eighty-seven times.” 

“ Then I suppose they’ll soon bring the white bread 
and the brown ? ” Alice ventured to remark. 

264 


The Lion and the Unicorn 

“It’s waiting for ’em now,” said Hatta ; “this is a 
bit of it as I’m eating.” 

There was a pause in the fight just then, and the 
Lion and the Unicorn sat down, panting, while the King 
called out “ Ten minutes allowed for refreshments ! ” 
Haigha and Hatta set to work at once, carrying round 
trays of white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to 
taste, but it was very dry. 

“ I don’t think they’ll fight any more to-day,” the 
King said to Hatta : “ go and order the drums to begin.” 
And Hatta went bounding away like a grasshopper. 

For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching him. 
Suddenly she brightened up. “ Look, look ! ” she cried, 
pointing eagerly. “ There’s the White Queen running 
across the country ! She came flying out of the wood 
over yonder — How fast those Queens can run ! ” 

“ There’s some enemy after her, no doubt,” the King 
said, without even looking round. “ That wood’s full 
of them.” 

“ But aren’t you going to run and help her?” 
Alice asked, very much surprised at his taking it so 
quietly. 

“No use, no use!” said the King. “She runs so 
fearfully quick. You might as well try to catch a Ban- 
dersnatch ! But I’ll make a memorandum about her, if 
you like — She’s a dear good creature,” he repeated softly 
to himself, as he opened his memorandum-book. “ Do 
you spell £ creature ’ with a double c e ’ ? ” 

At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by them, with 

* 265 


Through the Looking-Glass 

his hands in his pockets. “ I had the best of it this 
time ? ” he said to the King, just glancing at him as he 
passed. 

“A little — a little,” the King replied, rather ner- 
vously. “You shouldn’t have run him through with 
your horn, you know.” 

“It didn’t hurt him,” the Unicorn said carelessly, 
and he was going on, when his eye happened to fall upon 
Alice : he turned round instantly, and stood for some 
time looking at her with an air of the deepest disgust. 

“ What — is — this ? ” he said at last. 

“This is a child !” Haigha replied eagerly, coming 
in front of Alice to introduce her, and spreading out both 
his hands toward her in an Anglo-Saxon attitude. “We 
only found it to-day. It’s as large as life, and twice as 
natural ! ” 

“ I always thought they were fabulous monsters ! ” 
said the Unicorn. “ Is it alive? ” 

“ It can talk,” said Haigha solemnly. 

The Unicorn looked dreamily at Alice, and said, 
“ Talk, child.” 

Alice could not help her lips curling up into a smile 
as she began: “Do you know, I always thought Uni- 
corns were fabulous monsters, too ? I never saw one 
alive before ! ” 

“ Well, now that we have seen each other,” said the 
Unicorn, “ if you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you. Is 
that a bargain ? ” 

“ Yes, if you like,” said Alice. 

266 


The Lion and the Unicorn 


“ Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man ! ” the 
Unicorn went on, turning from her to the King. “ None 
of your brown bread for me ! ” 

“ Certainly — certainly ! ” the King muttered, and 
beckoned to Haigha. “ Open the bag ! ” he whispered. 
“ Quick ! Not that one — that’s full of hay ! ” 

Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, and gave it 



to Alice to hold, while he got out a dish and carving- 
knife. How they all came out of it Alice couldn’t guess. 
It was just like a conjuring-trick, she thought. 

The Lion had joined them while this was going on : 
he looked very tired and sleepy, and his eyes were half 
shut. 


267 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ What’s this ! ” he said, blinking lazily at Alice, 
and speaking in a deep hollow tone that sounded like the 
tolling of a great bell. 

“Ah, what is it, now?” the Unicorn cried eagerly. 
“ You’ll never guess ! / couldn’t.” 

The Lion looked at Alice wearily. “ Are you ani- 
mal — or vegetable — or mineral ? ” he said, yawning at 
every other word. 

“It’s a fabulous monster!” the Unicorn cried out, 
before Alice could reply. 

“ Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster,” the 
Lion said, lying down and putting his chin on his paws. 
“ And sit down, both of you” (to the King and the Uni- 
corn) : “ fair play with the cake, you know ! ” 

The King was evidently very uncomfortable at hav- 
ing to sit down between the two great creatures ; but 
there was no other place for him. 

“ What a fight we might have for the crown, now ! ” 
the Unicorn said, looking slyly up at the crown, which 
the poor King was nearly shaking off his head, he 
trembled so much. 

“ I should win easy,” said the Lion. 

“ I am not so sure of that,” said the Unicorn. 

“ Why, I beat you all round the town, you chicken ! ” 
the Lion replied angrily, half getting up as he spoke. 

Here the King interrupted, to prevent the quarrel 
going on : he was very nervous, and his voice quite 
quivered. “ All round the town ? ” he said. “ That’s a 
good long way. Did you go by the old bridge, or the 
268 


The Lion and the Unicorn 

market-place ? You get the best view by the old 
bridge.’’ 

“I’m sure I don’t know,” the Lion growled out as 
he lay down again. “ There was too much dust to see 
anything. What a time the Monster is, cutting up that 
cake ! ” 

Alice had seated herself on the bank of a little brook, 
with the great dish on her knees, and was sawing away 
diligently with the knife. 

“ It’s very provoking ! ” she said, in reply to the 
Lion (she was getting quite used to-being called c the 
Monster’). “ I’ve cut several slices already, but they 
always join on again ! ” 

“ You don’t know how to manage Looking-glass 
cakes,” the Unicorn remarked. “ Hand it round first, 
and cut it afterward.” 

This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obediently 
got up, and carried the dish round, and the cake divided 
itself into three pieces as she did so. “ Now cut it up,” 
said the Lion, as she returned to her place with the 
empty dish. 

“ I say, this isn’t fair!” cried the Unicorn, as Alice 
sat with the knife in her hand, very much puzzled how 
to begin. “ The Monster has given the Lion twice as 
much as me ! ” 

“ She’s kept none for herself, anyhow,” said the Lion. 
“ Do you like plum-cake, Monster ? ” 

But before Alice could answer him, the drums 
began. 


269 


Through the Looking-Glass 


Where the noise came from, she couldn't make out : 
the air seemed full of it, and it rang through and through 

her head till she felt 
quite deafened. She 
started to her feet and 
sprang across the little 
brook in her terror, 
* * * * 

* * * 

* * * * 
and had just time to 
see the Lion and the 
Unicorn rise to their 
feet, with angry looks 
at being interrupted in 
their feast, before she 
dropped to her knees, 
and put her hands 
over her ears, vainly 
trying to shut out the 
dreadful uproar. 

“ If that doesn't c drum them out of town,’” she 
thought to herself, “ nothing ever will ! ” 



270 


CHAPTER VIII 


“it's my own invention ” 

A FTER a while the noise seemed gradually to die 
away, till all was dead silence, and Alice lifted up 
her head in some alarm. There was no one to 
be seen, and her first thought was that she must have 
been dreaming about the Lion and the Unicorn and 
those queer Anglo-Saxon Messengers. However, there 
was the great dish still lying at her feet, on which she 
had tried to cut the plum-cake, “ So I wasn’t dreaming, 
after all,” she said to herself, “ unless — unless we’re all 
part of the same dream. Only I do hope it’s my dream, 
and not the Red King’s ! I don’t like belonging to 
another person’s dream,” she went on in a rather com- 
plaining tone: “ I’ve a great mind to go and wake him, 
and see what happens ! ” 

At this moment her thoughts were interrupted by a 
loud shouting of “ Ahoy ! Ahoy ! Check ! ” and a Knight, 
dressed in crimson armor, came galloping down upon 
her, brandishing a great club. Just as he reached her, 
the horse stopped suddenly : “You’re my prisoner 1 ” the 
Knight cried, as he tumbled off his horse. 

Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened for 
him than for herself at the moment, and watched him 
27 1 


Through the Looking-Glass 

with some anxiety as he mounted again. As soon as 
he was comfortably in the saddle, he began once more 
“ You’re my — ” but here another voice broke in “ Ahoy ! 
Ahoy ! Check ! ” and Alice looked round in some sur- 
prise for the new enemy. 

This time it was a White Knight. He drew up at 
Alice’s side, and tumbled off his horse just as the Red 
Knight had done : then he got on again, and the two 
Knights sat and looked at each other for some time with- 
out speaking. Alice looked from one to the other in 
some bewilderment. 

“ She’s my prisoner, you know ! ” the Red Knight 
said at last. 

“ Yes, but then / came and rescued her ! ” the White 
Knight replied. 

“ Well, we must fight for her, then,” said the Red 
Knight, as he took up his helmet (which hung from the 
saddle, and was something the shape of a horse’s head) 
and put it on. 

“You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?” 
the White Knight remarked, putting on his helmet too. 

“ I always do,” said the Red Knight, and they began 
banging away at each other with such fury that Alice got 
behind a tree to be out of the way of the blows. 

“ I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are,” she 
said to herself, as she watched the fight, timidly peeping 
out from her hiding-place. “ One Rule seems to be, 
that if one Knight hits the other, he knocks him off his 
horse; and, if he misses, he tumbles off himself — and 
272 


“It’s My Own Invention” 


another Rule seems to be that they hold their clubs with 
their arms, as if they were Punch and Judy — What a 
noise they make when they tumble ! Just like a whole 
set of fire-irons falling into the fender ! And how quiet 


the horses are ! They let them get on and off them just 
as if they were tables ! ” 

Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, 
seemed to be that they always fell on their heads ; and 
the battle ended with their both falling off in this way, 
side by side. When they got up again, they shook 



Through the Looking-Glass 

hands, and then the Red Knight mounted and gal- 
loped off. 

“ It was a glorious victory, wasn’t it ? ” said the White 
Knight, as he came up panting. 

“ I don’t know,” Alice said doubtfully. “ I don’t 
want to be anybody’s prisoner. I want to be a Queen.” 

“ So you will, when you’ve crossed the next brook,” 
said the White Knight. “ I’ll see you safe to the end of 
the wood — and then I must go back, you know. That’s 
the end of my move.” 

“ Thank you very much,” said Alice. “ May I help 
you off with your helmet ? ” It was evidently more than 
he could manage by himself : however, she managed to 
shake him out of it at last. 

“ Now one can breathe more easily,” said the Knight, 
putting back his shaggy hair with both hands, and turning 
his gentle face and large mild eyes to Alice. She thought 
she had never seen such a strange-looking soldier in all 
her life. 

He was dressed in tin armor, which seemed to fit him 
very badly, and he had a queer-shaped little deal box 
fastened across his shoulders, upside-down, and with the 
lid hanging open. Alice looked at it with great curiosity. 

“ I see you’re admiring my little box,” the Knight 
said in a friendly tone. “ It’s my own invention — to 
keep clothes and sandwiches in. You see I carry it 
upside-down, so that the rain can’t get in.” 

“ But the things can get out ,” Alice gently remarked. 
“ Do you know the lid’s open ? ” 

274 


“It’s My Own Invention” 


<c I didn’t know it,” the Knight said, a shade of vex- 
ation passing over his face. “ Then all the things must 
have fallen out ! And the box is no use without them.” 
He unfastened it as he spoke, and was just going to throw 
it into the bushes, when a sudden thought seemed to 
strike him, and he hung it carefully on a tree. “ Can 
you guess why I did that ? ” he said to Alice. 

Alice shook her head. 

“ In hopes some bees may make a nest in it — then 
I should get the honey.” 

“ But you’ve got a bee-hive — or something like one 
— fastened to the saddle,” said Alice. 

“Yes, it’s a very good bee-hive,” the Knight said in 
a discontented tone, “ one of the best kind. But not a 
single bee has come near it yet. And the other thing is 
a mouse-trap. I suppose the mice keep the bees out — 
or the bees keep the mice out, I don’t know which.” 

“ I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for,” said 
Alice. “It isn’t very likely there would be any mice on 
the horse’s back.” 

“ Not very likely, perhaps,” said the Knight ; “ but, 
if they do come, I don’t choose to have them running all 
about.” 

“ You see,” he went on after a pause, “ it’s as well to 
be provided for everything . That’s the reason the horse 
has all those anklets round his feet.” 

“ But what are they for ? ” Alice asked in a tone of 
great curiosity. 

“ To guard against the bites of sharks,” the Knight 
275 


Through the Looking-Glass 

replied. “ It’s an invention of my own. And now help 
me on. I’ll go with you to the end of the wood — 
What’s that dish for ? ” 

“ It’s meant for plum-cake,” said Alice. 

“ We’d better take it with us,” the Knight said. 
“ It’ll come in handy if we find any plum-cake. Help 
me to get it into this bag.” 

This took a long time to manage, though Alice held 
the bag open very carefully, because the Knight was so 
very awkward in putting in the dish : the first two or 
three times that he tried he fell in himself instead. “ It’s 
rather a tight fit, you see,” he said, as they got it in at 
last ; “ there are so many candlesticks in the bag.” And 
he hung it to the saddle, which was already loaded with 
bunches of carrots, and fire-irons, and many other things. 

“ I hope you’ve got your hair well fastened on ? ” he 
continued, as they set off. 

“ Only in the usual way,” Alice said, smiling. 

“ That’s hardly enough,” he said, anxiously. “You 
see the wind is so very strong here. It’s as strong as 
soup.” 

“ Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair 
from being blown off? ” Alice inquired. 

“ Not yet,” said the Knight. “ But I’ve got a plan 
for keeping it from falling off.” 

“ I should like to hear it, very much.” 

“ First you take an upright stick,” said the Knight. 
“ Then you make your hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree. 
Now the reason hair falls off is because it hangs down — 
276 


“It’s My Own Invention” 


things never fall upward , you know. It’s a plan of my 
own invention. You may try it if you like.” 

It didn’t sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, 
and for a few minutes she walked on in silence, puzzling 
over the idea, and every now and then stopping to help 
the poor Knight, who certainly was not a good rider. 



Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), 
he fell off* in front; and whenever it went on again 
(which it generally did rather suddenly), he fell off be- 
hind. Otherwise he kept on pretty well, except that he 
had a habit of now and then falling off sideways ; and, 
as he generally did this on the side on which Alice was 
277 


Through the Looking-Glass 

walking, she soon found that it was the best plan not to 
walk quite close to the horse. 

“ I’m afraid you’ve not had much practice in riding,” 
she ventured to say, as she was helping him up from his 
fifth tumble. 

The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little 
offended at the remark. “ What makes you say that?” 
he asked, as he scrambled back into the saddle, keeping 
hold of Alice’s hair with one hand, to save himself from 
falling over on the other side. 

“ Because people don’t fall off quite so often, when 
they’ve had much practice.” 

“ I’ve had plenty of practice,” the Knight said very 
gravely : “ plenty of practice ! ” 

Alice could think of nothing better to say than 
cc Indeed?” but she said it as heartily as she could. 
They went on a little way in silence after this, the Knight 
with his eyes shut, muttering to himself, and Alice 
watching anxiously for the next tumble. 

“ The great art of riding,” the Knight suddenly be- 
gan in a loud voice, waving his right arm as he spoke, 
“ is to keep — ” Here the sentence ended as suddenly 
as it had begun, as the Knight fell heavily on the top of 
his head exactly in the path where Alice was walking. 
She was quite frightened this time, and said in an anxious 
tone, as she picked him up, “ I hope no bones are 
broken ? ” 

“ None to speak of,” the Knight said, as if he didn’t 
mind breaking two or three of them. “ The great art 

278 




“It’s My Own Invention” 



279 




Through the Looking-Glass 

of riding, as I was saying, is — to keep your balance 
properly. Like this, you know — ” 

He let go the bridle, and stretched out both his arms 
to show Alice what he meant, and this time he fell flat on 
his back, right under the horse’s feet. 

“ Plenty of practice ! ” he went on repeating, all the 
time that Alice was getting him on his feet again. 
“ Plenty of practice ! ” 

“ It’s too ridiculous ! ” cried Alice, losing all her 
patience this time. “You ought %o have a wooden 
horse on wheels, that you ought ! ” 

“ Does that kind go smoothly ? ” the Knight asked 
in a tone of great interest, clasping his arms round the 
horse’s neck as he spoke, just in time to save himselt 
from tumbling off again. 

“ Much more smoothly than a live horse,” Alice said, 
with a little scream of laughter, in spite of all she could 
do to prevent it. 

“ I’ll get one,” the Knight said thoughtfully to him- 
self. “ One or two — several.” 

There was a short silence after this, and then the 
Knight went on again. “I’m a great hand at inventing 
things. Now, I daresay you noticed, the last time you 
picked me up, that I was looking rather thoughtful ? ” 

“ You were a little grave,” said Alice. 

“ Well, just then I was inventing a new way of get- 
ting over a gate — would you like to hear it ? ” 

“ Very much indeed,” Alice said politely. 

“ I’ll tell you how I came to think of it,” said the 
280 




“It’s My Own Invention” 


Knight. “ You see, I said to myself ‘ The only difficulty 
is with the feet: the head is high enough already.’ Now, 
first I put my head on the top of the gate — then the 
head’s high enough — then I stand on my head — then the 
feet are high enough, you see — then I’m over, you see.” 

“ Yes, I suppose you’d be over when that was done,” 
Alice said thoughtfully : “ but don’t you think it would 
be rather hard ? ” 

“ I haven’t tried it yet,” the Knight said, gravely ; 
“so I can’t tell for certain — but I’m afraid it would be a 
little hard.” 

He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice changed 
the subject hastily. “ What a curious helmet you’ve 
got ! ” she said cheerfully. “ Is that your invention too ? ” 

The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet, 
which hung from the saddle. “Yes,” he said; “but 
I’ve invented a better one than that — like a sugar-loaf. 
When I used to wear it, if I fell off the horse, it always 
touched the ground directly. So I had a very little way 
to fall, you see — But there was the danger of falling into 
it, to be sure. That happened to me once — and the 
worst of it was, before I could get out again, the other 
White Knight came and put it on. He thought it was 
his own helmet.” 

The Knight looked so solemn about it that Alice did 
not dare to laugh. “ I’m afraid you must have hurt 
him,” she said in a trembling voice, “ being on the top 
of his head.” 

“ I had to kick him, of course,” the Knight said, very 

281 


Through the Looking-Glass 

seriously. “ And then he took the helmet off again — 
but it took hours and hours to get me out. I was as 
fast as — as lightning, you know.” 

“ But that’s a different kind of fastness,” Alice 
objected. 

The Knight shook his head. “ It was all kinds of 
fastness with me, I can assure you ! ” he said. He raised 



his hands in some excitement as he said this, and instantly 
rolled out of the saddle, and fell headlong into a deep 
ditch. 

Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for him. 
She was rather startled by the fall, as for some time he 
had kept on very well, and she was afraid that he really 
was hurt this time. However, though she could see 
nothing but the soles of his feet, she was much relieved 
to hear that he was talking on in his usual tone. “ All 
282 


“It’s My Own Invention” 

kinds of fastness,” he repeated : “ but it was careless of 
him to put another man’s helmet on — with the man in it, 
too.” 

“ How can you go on talking so quietly, head down- 
ward ? ” Alice asked, as she dragged him out by the 
feet, and laid him in a heap on the bank. 

The Knight looked surprised at the question. “ What 
does it matter where my body happens to be ? ” he said. 
“ My mind goes on working all the same. In fact, the 
more head-downward I am, the more I keep inventing 
new things.” 

“ Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I ever did,” 
he went on after a pause, “was inventing a new pudding 
during the meat course.” 

“In time to have it cooked for the next course?” 
said Alice. “Well, that was quick work, certainly ! ” 

“ Well, not the next course,” the Knight said in a slow 
thoughtful tone : “ no, certainly not the next course .” 

“ Then it would have to be the next day. I suppose 
you wouldn’t have two pudding-courses in one dinner?” 

“ Well, not the next day,” the Knight repeated as be- 
fore : “not the next day . In fact,” he went on, holding 
his head down, and his voice getting lower and lower, 
“ I don’t believe that pudding ever was cooked ! In fact, 
I don’t believe that pudding ever will be cooked ! And 
yet it was a very clever pudding to invent.” 

“What did you mean it to be made of?” Alice 
asked, hoping to cheer him up, for the poor Knight 
seemed quite low-spirited about it. 

283 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ It began with blotting paper/’ the Knight answered 
with a groan. 

“That wouldn’t be very nice, I’m afraid — ” 

“ Not very nice alone” he interrupted, quite eagerly : 
“ but you’ve no idea what a difference it makes, mixing 
it with other things — such as gunpowder and sealing wax. 
And here I must leave you.” They had just come to 
the end of the wood. 

Alice could only look puzzled : she was thinking of 
the pudding. 

“You are sad,” the Knight said in an anxious tone: 
“ let me sing you a song to comfort you.” 

“ Is it very long ? ” Alice asked, for she had heard a 
good deal of poetry that day. 

“ It’s long,” said the Knight, “ but it’s very, very 
beautiful. Everybody that hears me sing it — either it 
brings the tears into their eyes, or else — ” 

“ Or else what? ” said Alice, for the Knight had made 
a sudden pause. 

“ Or else it doesn’t, you know. The name of the 
song is called c Haddocks' Eyes' ” 

“Oh, that’s the name of the song, is it?” Alice said, 
trying to feel interested. 

“No, you don’t understand,” the Knight said, look- 
ing a little vexed. “ That’s what the name is called. The 
name really is 1 The Aged Aged Man' ” 

“ Then I ought to have said, ‘ That’s what the song is 
called ’ ? ” Alice corrected herself. 

“No, you oughtn’t: that’s quite another thing! 

284 


“It’s My Own Invention” 


The song is called ‘ W ays And Means ’ : but that’s only 
what it’s called , you know ! ” 

“Well, what is the song, then ? ” said Alice, who was 
by this time completely bewildered. 

“ I was coming to that,” the Knight said. “ The 
song really is c A-sitting On A Gate ’ : and the tune’s my 
own invention.” 

So saying, he stopped his horse and let the reins fall 
on its neck : then, slowly beating time with one hand, 
and with a faint smile lighting up his gentle foolish face, 
as if he enjoyed the music of his song, he began. 

Of all the strange things that Alice saw in her jour- 
ney Through The Looking-Glass, this was the one that 
she always remembered most clearly. Years afterward 
she could bring the whole scene back again, as if it had 
been only yesterday — the mild blue eyes and kindly 
smile of the Knight — the setting sun gleaming through 
his hair, and shining on his armor in a blaze of light that 
quite dazzled her — the horse quietly moving about, with 
the reins hanging loose on his neck, cropping the grass at 
her feet — and the black shadows of the forest behind 
— all this she took in like a picture, as, with one hand 
shading her eyes, she leaned against a tree, watching the 
strange pair, and listening, in a half-dream, to the melan- 
choly music of the song. 

“ But the tune isn't his own invention,” she said to 
herself : “ it’s C 1 give thee all , I can no more' ” She stood 
and listened very attentively, but no tears came into her 
eyes. 


285 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“1*11 tell thee everything 1 can : 

There' s little to relate. 

I saw an aged aged man , 

A-sitting on a gate. 

‘ Who are you , aged man ? * I said, 

* And how is it you live ? ' 

And his answer trickled through my head. 
Like water through a sieve. 

He said ‘ I look for butterflies 
That sleep among the wheat : 

1 make them into mutton-pies. 

And sell them in the street. 

I sell them unto men,' he said, 

( Who sail on stormy seas ; 

And that' s the way I get my bread — 

A trifle, if you please.' 

But I was thinking of a plan 
To dye one' s whiskers green. 

And always use so large a fan 
That they could not be seen. 

So, having no reply to give 
To what the old man said, 

1 cried, * Come, tell me how you live / * 
And thumped him on the head. 

His accents mild took up the tale : 

He said *1 go my ways, 

And when I find a mountain-rill, 

I set it in a blaze ; 

And thence they make a stuff they call 
Rowland,' s Macassar-Oil — 

Yet twopence-halfpenny is all 
They give me for my toil. ' 

286 


“It’s My Own Invention” 


But I was thinking of a way 
To feed oneself on batter , 

And so go on from day to day 
Getting a little fatter. 

I shook him well from side to side , 
Until his face was blue : 

* Come, tell me how you live,' I cried, 
* And what it is you do ! * 



He said ‘ I hunt for haddocks' eyes 
Among the heather bright. 

And work them into waistcoat-buttons 
In the silent night. 

And these I do not sell for gold 
Or coin of silvery shine. 

But for a copper halfpenny. 

And that will purchase nine . 

« I sometimes dig for buttered rolls , 
Or set limed twigs for crabs : 

287 


Through the Looking-Glass 

I sometimes search the grassy knolls 
For wheels of Hansom-cabs. 

And that' s the way ' ( he gave a wink) 

* By which I get my wealth — 

And very gladly will I drink 
Tour Honor's noble health .' 

I heard him then * for I had just 
Completed my design 
To keep the Menai bridge from rust 
By boiling it in wine. 

1 thanked him much for telling me 
The way he got his wealthy 
But chiefly for his wish that he 
Might drink my noble health. 

And now, if e' er by chance 1 put 
My fingers into glue. 

Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot 
Into a left-hand shoe , 

Or if I drop upon my toe 
A very heavy weight, 

I weep, for it reminds me so 
Of that old man I used to know — 

Whose look was mild , whose speech was slow , 
Whose hair was whiter than the snow. 

Whose face was very like a crow, 

With eyes, like cinders, all aglow. 

Who seemed distracted with his woe. 

Who rocked his body to and fro. 

And muttered mumblingly and low. 

As if his mouth were full of dough. 

Who snorted like a buffalo — 

That summer evening long ago, 

A-sitting on a gate. 

288 


“It’s My Own Invention” 


As the Knight sang the last words of the ballad, he 
gathered up the reins, and turned his horse’s head along 
the road by which they had come. “ You’ve only a few 
yards to go,” he said, “ down the hill and over that little 
brook, and then you’ll be a queen — But you’ll stay and 
see me off* first ? ” he added, as Alice turned with an eager 
look in the direction to which he pointed. “ I shan’t be 
long. You’ll wait and wave your handkerchief when I 
get to that turn in the road ! I think it’ll encourage me, 
you see.” 

“ Of course I’ll wait,” said Alice: “and thank you 
very much for coming so far — and for the song — I liked 
it very much.” 

“ I hope so,” the Knight said doubtfully : “ but you 
didn’t cry so much as I thought you would.” 

So they shook hands, and then the Knight rode 
slowly away into the forest. “ It won’t take long to see 
him off, I expect,” Alice said to herself, as she stood 
watching him. “ There he goes ! Right on his head 
as usual ! However, he gets on again pretty easily — 
that comes of having so many things hung round the 
horse — ” 

So she went on talking to herself, as she watched 
the horse walking leisurely along the road, and the 
Knight tumbling off, first on one side and then on the 
other. After the fourth or fifth tumble he reached the 
turn, and then she waved her handkerchief to him, and 
waited till he was out of sight. 

“ I hope it encouraged him,” she said, as she turned 
289 


Vol. 3 


19 


Through the Looking-Glass 

to run down the hill : cc and now for the last brook, 
and to be a Queen ! How grand it sounds ! ” Avery 

few steps brought her 
to the edge of the 
brook. “The Eighth 
Square at last ! ” she cried, 
as she bounded across, 
$ $ $ $ 

* * * 

$ $ * $ 

and threw herself down 
to rest on a lawn as soft 
as moss, with little flow- 
er-beds dotted about it 
here and there. “ Oh, 
how glad I am to get 
here ! And what is this 
on my head ? ” she ex- 
claimed in a tone of dis- 
may, as she put her hands up to something very heavy, 
that fitted tight all round her head. 

“ But how can it have got there without my knowing 
it ? ” she said to herself, as she lifted it off, and set it on 
her lap to make out what it could possibly be. 

It was a golden crown. 



29Q 


CHAPTER IX 


QUEEN ALICE 

“ this is grand!” said Alice. cc I never 

expected I should be a Queen so soon — and 
I’ll tell you what it is, your Majesty,” she 
went on, in a severe tone (she was always rather fond of 
scolding herself), “ it’ll never do for you to be lolling 
about on the grass like that ! Queens have to be digni- 
fied, you know ! ” 

So she got up and walked about — rather stiffly just 
at first, as she was afraid that the crown might come off : 
but she comforted herself with the thought that there 
was nobody to see her, <c and if I really am a Queen,” 
she said as she sat down again, “ I shall be able to man- 
age it quite well in time.” 

Everything was happening so oddly that she didn’t 
feel a bit surprised at finding the Red Queen and the 
White Queen sitting close to her, one on each side : she 
would have liked very much to ask them how they came 
there, but she feared it would not be quite civil. How- 
ever, there would be no harm, she thought, in asking if 
the game was over. cc Please, would you tell me — ” she 
began, looking timidly at the Red Queen. 

cc Speak when you’re spoken to 1 ” the Queen sharply 
interrupted her. 


291 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ But if everybody obeyed that rule,” said Alice, 
who was always ready for a little argument, “ and if you 
only spoke when you were spoken to, and the other person 
always waited for you to begin, you see nobody would 
ever say anything, so that — ” 

“ Ridiculous ! ” cried the Queen. “ Why, don’t you 
see, child — ” here she broke off with a frown, and, after 
thinking for a minute, suddenly changed the subject of 
the conversation. “ What do you mean by c If you 
really are a Queen ’ ? What right have you to call your- 
self so? You can’t be a Queen, you know, till you’ve 
passed the proper examination. And the sooner we 
begin it the better.” 

“ I only said ‘if’ ! ” poor Alice pleaded in a piteous 
tone. 

The two Queens looked at each other, and the Red 
Queen remarked, with a little shudder, “ She says she 
only said ‘ if’ — ” 

“ But she said a great deal more than that ! ” the 
White Queen moaned, wringing her hands, “ Oh, ever 
so much more than that ! ” 

“ So you did, you know,” the Red Queen said to 
Alice. “ Always speak the truth — think before you speak 
— and write it down afterward.” 

“ I’m sure I didn’t mean — ” Alice was beginning, 
but the Red Queen interrupted her impatiently. 

“ That’s just what I complain of! You should have 
meant ! What do you suppose is the use of a child 
without any meaning ? Even a joke should have some 
292 


Queen Alice 

meaning — and a child's more important than a joke, I 
hope. You couldn’t deny that, even if you tried with 
both hands.” 

“ I don’t deny things with my hands” Alice objected. 

“ Nobody said you did,” said the Red Queen. “I 
said you couldn’t if you tried.” 

“ She’s in that state of mind,” said the White Queen, 
tc that she wants to deny something — only she doesn’t 
know what to deny ! ” 

“ A nasty, vicious temper,” the Red Queen remarked ; 
and then there was an uncomforable silence for a minute 
or two. 

The Red Queen broke the silence by saying, to the 
White Queen, <c I invite you to Alice’s dinner-party this 
afternoon.” 

The White Queen smiled feebly, and said “ And I 
invite you” 

cc I didn’t know I was to have a party at all,” said 
Alice ; “ but, if there is to be one, I think / ought to 
invite the guests.” 

cc We gave you the opportunity of doing it,” the Red 
Queen remarked : <c but I daresay you’ve not had many 
lessons in manners yet ? ” 

“ Manners are not taught in lessons,” said Alice. 
“ Lessons teach you to do sums, and things of that sort.” 

“ Can you do Addition ? ” the White Queen asked. 
“ What’s one and one and one and one and one and one 
and one and one and one and one P ” 

“ I don’t know,” said Alice. “ I lost count.” 

293 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ She can’t do Addition,” the Red Queen interrupted. 
“ Can you do Subtraction ? Take nine from eight.” 

“ Nine from eight I can’t, you know,” Alice replied 
very readily : “ but — ” 

“ She can’t do Substraction,” said the White Queen. 
a Can you do Division ? Divide a loaf by a knife — - 
what’s the answer to that ? ” 

“ I suppose — ” Alice was beginning, but the Red 



Queen answered for her. “ Bread-and-butter, of course. 
Try another Subtraction sum. Take a bone from a dog: 
what remains ? ” 

Alice considered. “ The bone wouldn’t remain, of 
course, if I took it — and the dog wouldn’t remain : 
it would come to bite me — and I’m sure I shouldn’t 
remain ! ” 

“ Then you think nothing would remain ? ” said the 
Red Queen. 


294 


Queen Alice 

“ I think that’s the answer.” 

“ Wrong, as usual,” said the Red Queen : “ the dog’s 
temper would remain.” 

“ But I don’t see how — ” 

c< Why, look here ! ” the Red Queen cried. “ The 
dog would lose its temper, wouldn’t it ? ” 

“ Perhaps it would,” Alice replied, cautiously. 

“ Then if the dog went away, its temper would re- 
main ! ” the Queen exclaimed triumphantly. 

Alice said, as gravely as she could, “ They might go 
different ways.” But she couldn’t help thinking to her- 
self “ What dreadful nonsense we are talking ! ” 

“ She can’t do sums a bit ! ” the Queens said together, 
with great emphasis. 

“ Can you do sums ? ” Alice said, turning suddenly on 
the White Queen, for she didn’t like being found fault 
with so much. 

The Queen gasped and shut her eyes. cc I can do 
Addition,” she said, “if you give me time — but I can’t 
do Substraction under any circumstances ! ” 

“ Of course you know your ABC?” said the Red 
Queen. 

“ To be sure I do,” said Alice. 

“So do I,” the White Queen whispered: “we’ll 
often say it over together, dean And I’ll tell you a 
secret — I can read words of one letter ! Isn’t that grand ? 
However, don’t be discouraged. You 11 come to it in 
time.” 

Here the Red Queen began again. “Can you an- 

295 


Through the Looking-Glass 

swer useful questions ? ” she said. “ How is bread 
made ? ” 

“ I know that!” Alice cried eagerly. “You take 
some flour — ” 

“ Where do you pick the flower ? ” the White Queen 
asked. “ In a garden or in the hedges ? ” 

“Well, it isn’t picked at all,” Alice explained: “it’s 
ground — ” 

“ How many acres of ground ? ” said the White 
Queen. “ You mustn’t leave out so many things.” 

“Fan her head!” the Red Queen anxiously in- 
terrupted. “ She’ll be feverish after so much think- 
ing.” So they set to work and fanned her with 
bunches of leaves, till she had to beg them to leave 
off, it blew her hair about so. 

“ She’s all right again now,” said the Red Queen. 
“Do you know Languages? What’s the French for 
fiddle-de-dee ? ” 

“ Fiddle-de-dee’s not English,” Alice replied gravely. 

“ Who ever said it was ? ” said the Red Queen. 

Alice thought she saw a way out of the difficulty, this 
time. “ If you’ll tell me what language c fiddle-de-dee ’ 
is, I’ll tell you the French for it ! ” she exclaimed trium- 
phantly. 

But the Red Queen drew herself up rather stiffly, 
and said, “ Queens never make bargains.” 

“ I wish Queens never asked questions,” Alice thought 
to herself. 

“ Don’t let us quarrel,” the White Queen said 

296 


Queen Alice 

in an anxious tone. “What is the cause of light- 
ning ? ” 

<c The cause of lightning,” Alice said very decidedly, 
for she felt quite certain about this, “is the thunder — 
no, no ! ” she hastily corrected herself. “ I meant the 
other way.” 

“ It's too late to correct it,” said the Red Queen : 
“ when you’ve once said a thing, that fixes it, and you 
must take the consequences.” 

“Which reminds me — ” the White Queen said, look- 
ing down and nervously clasping and unclasping her 
hands, “we had such a thunderstorm last Tuesday — I 
mean one of the last set of Tuesdays, you know.” 

Alice was puzzled. “In our country,” she remarked, 
“ there’s only one day at a time.” 

The Red Queen said, “ That’s a poor thin way of 
doing things. Now here , we mostly have days and nights 
two or three at a time, and sometimes in the winter we take 
as many as five nights together — for warmth, you know.” 

“ Are five nights warmer than one night, then ? ” 
Alice ventured to ask. 

“ Five times as warm, of course.” 

“ But they should be five times as cold , by the same 
rule — ” 

“Just so!” cried the Red Queen. “Five times as 
warm, and five times as cold — -just as I’m five times as 
rich as you are, and five times as clever ! ” 

Alice sighed and gave it up. “ It’s exactly like a 
riddle with no answer ! ” she thought. 

297 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ Humpty Dumpty saw it too,” the White Queen 
went on in a low voice, more as if she were talking to 
herself. “ He came to the door with a corkscrew in his 
hand — ” 

“ What did he want ? ” said the Red Queen. 

“ He said he would come in,” the White Queen went 
on, “ because he was looking for a hippopotamus. 
Now, as it happened, there wasn’t such a thing in the 
house, that morning.” 

“ Is there generally ? ” Alice asked in an astonished 
tone. 

“ Well, only on Thursdays,” said the Queen. 

“ I know what he came for,” said Alice : “ he wanted 
to punish the fish, because — ” 

Here the White Queen began again. “ It was such 
a thunderstorm, you can’t think ! ” (“ She never could, 

you know,” said the Red Queen.) “ And part of the 
roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in — and it 
went rolling round the room in great lumps — and knock- 
ing over the tables and things — till I was so frightened, 
I couldn’t remember my own name ! ” 

Alice thought to herself, “ I never should try to re- 
member my name in the middle of an accident ! Where 
would be the use of it ? ” but she did not say this aloud, 
for fear of hurting the poor Queen’s feelings. 

“Your Majesty must excuse her,” the Red Queen 
said to Alice, taking one of the White Queen’s hands in 
her own, and gently stroking it : “ she means well, but 
she can’t help saying foolish things, as a general rule.” 

298 


Queen Alice 

The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who felt 
she ought to say something kind, but really couldn’t 
think of anything at the moment. 

“ She never was really well brought up,” the Red 
Queen went on : “ but it’s amazing how good-tempered 
she is ! Pat her on the head, and see how pleased she’ll 
be ! ” But this was more than Alice had courage to do. 



“ A little kindness — and putting her hair in papers 
— would do wonders with her — ” 

The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and laid her 
head on Alice’s shoulder. “ I am so sleepy, ” she 
moaned. 

“ She’s tired, poor thing!” said the Red Queen. 
“ Smooth her hair — lend her your nightcap — and sing 
her a soothing lullaby.” 

“I haven’t got a nightcap with me,” said Alice, as she 

299 


Through the Looking-Glass 

tried to obey the first direction : “ and I don’t know any 
soothing lullabies.” 

“ I must do it myself, then,” said the Red Queen, 
and she began — 

“ Hush-a-by lady , in Alice ' * lap ! 

Till the feast's ready , we've time for a nap. 

When the feast's over , we' ll go to the ball — 

Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all ! 

“ And now you know the words,” she added, as 
she put her head down on Alice’s other shoulder, “just 
sing it through to me. I’m getting sleepy, too.” In 
another moment both Queens were fast asleep, and 
snoring loud. 

“ What am I to do ? ” exclaimed Alice, looking about 
in great perplexity, as first one round head, and then the 
other, rolled down from her shoulder, and lay like a 
heavy lump in her lap. “ I don’t think it ever hap- 
pened before, that any one had to take care of two 
Queens asleep at once ! No, not in all the History of 
England — it couldn’t, you know, because there never 
was more than one Queen at a time. Do wake up, you 
heavy things ! ” she went on in an impatient tone ; but 
there was no answer but a gentle snoring. 

The snoring got more distinct every minute, and 
sounded more like a tune : at last she could even make 
out words, and she listened so eagerly that, when the two 
great heads suddenly vanished from her lap, she hardly 
missed them. 


300 


Queen Alice 

She was standing before an arched doorway, over 
which were the words “ QUEEN ALICE ” in large 
letters, and on each side of the arch there was a bell- 
handle ; one was marked “ Visitors’ Bell,” and the other 
“ Servants’ Bell.” 

<c I’ll wait till the song’s over,” thought Alice, “and 
then I’ll ring the — the — which bell must I ring?” she 
went on, very much puzzled by the names. “ I’m not 
a visitor, and I’m not a servant. There ought to be one 
marked c Queen,’ you know — ” 

Just then the door opened a little way, and a creature 
with a long beak put its head out for a moment and said, 
“No admittance till the week after next ! ” and shut the 
door again with a bang. 

Alice knocked and rang in vain for a long time ; but 
at last a very old Frog, who was sitting under a tree, got 
up and slowly hobbled toward her : he was dressed in 
bright yellow, and had enormous boots on. 

“What is it, now ? ” the Frog said in a deep hoarse 
whisper. 

Alice turned round, ready to find fault with any- 
body. 

“Where’s the servant whose business it is to answer 
the door ? ” she began angrily. 

“ Which door ? ” said the Frog. 

Alice almost stamped with irritation at the slow drawl 
in which he spoke. “ This door, of course ! ” 

The Frog looked at the door with his large dull eyes 
for a minute : then he went nearer and rubbed it with 


301 


Through the Looking-Glass 

his thumb, as if he were* trying whether the paint would 
come off : then he looked at Alice. 

“To answer the door?” he said. “What’s it been 
asking of ? ” He was so hoarse that Alice could scarcely 
hear him. 



“ I don’t know what you mean,” she said. 

“ I speaks English, doesn’t I ? ” the Frog went on. 
“ Or are you deaf ? What did it ask you ? ” 

“Nothing!” Alice said impatiently. “I’ve been 
knocking at it ! ” 


3°2 


Queen Alice 

“ Shouldn’t do that — shouldn’t do that — ” the Frog 
muttered. “ Wexes it, you know.” Then he went up 
and gave the door a kick with one of his great feet. 
“ You let it alone,” he panted out, as he hobbled back 
to his tree, “ and it’ll let you alone, you know.” 

At this moment the door was flung open, and a shrill 
voice was heard singing : — 

“ To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said 

* I’ve a sceptre in handy V ve a crown on my head. 

Let the Looking- Glass creatures , whatever they be 
Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen 

and me!’” 

And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus: 

** Then Jill up the glasses as quick as you can. 

And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran : 

Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea — 

And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three ! ’ ’ 

Then followed a confused noise of cheering, and 
Alice thought to herself, “ Thirty times three makes 
ninety. I wonder if any one’s counting?” In a minute 
there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang 
another verse : 

* O Looking-Glass creatures ,’ quoth Alice, * draw near I 
’ Tis an honor to see me, a favor to hear : 

’ Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea 

Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me l’ ” 

Then came the chorus again : — 

303 


Through the Looking-Glass 

“ Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink y 
Or anything else that is pleasant to drink: 

Mix sand with the cider , and wool with the wine — 

And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine ! * ’ 

“ Ninety times nine ! ” Alice repeated in despair. 
“ Oh, that’ll never be done ! I’d better go in at once — ” 
and in she went, and there was a dead silence the mo- 
ment she appeared. 

Alice glanced nervously along the table, as she 
walked up the large hall, and noticed that there were 
about fifty guests, of all kinds : some were animals, some 
birds, and there we**e even a few flowers among them. 
“ I’m glad they’ve come without waiting to be asked,” 
she thought : “ I should never have known who were the 
right people to invite ! ” 

There were three chairs at the head of the table : the 
Red and White Queens had already taken two of them, 
but the middle one was empty. Alice sat down in it, 
rather uncomfortable at the silence, and longing for some 
one to speak. 

At last the Red Queen began. “You’ve missed the 
soup and fish,” she said. “ Put on the joint ! ” And the 
waiters set a leg of mutton before Alice, who looked at 
it rather anxiously, as she had never had to carve a joint 
before. 

“You look a little shy : let me introduce you to that 
leg of mutton,” said the Red Queen. “ Alice — Mutton : 
Mutton — Alice.” The leg of mutton got up in the 
dish and made a little bow to Alice ; and Alice re- 

304 


Queen Alice 

turned the bow, not knowing whether to be frightened 
or amused. 

“ May I give you a slice ? ” she said, taking up the 
knife and fork, and looking from one Queen to the other. 

“ Certainly not,” the Red Queen said, very decidedly : 
“ it isn't etiquette to cut any one you’ve been introduced 



to. Remove the joint ! ” And the waiters carried it off, 
and brought a large plum-pudding in its place. 

“ I won’t be introduced to the pudding, please,” 
Alice said rather hastily, “ or we shall get no dinner at 
all. May I give you some? ” 

But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled 
“ Pudding — Alice : Alice — Pudding. Remove the pud- 

305 


Vol. 3 


20 


Through the Looking-Glass 

ding ! ” and the waiters took it away so quickly that Alice 
couldn’t return its bow. 

However, she didn’t see why the Red Queen should 
be the only one to give orders ; so, as an experiment, 
she called out, “ Waiter ! Bring back the pudding ! ” and 
there it was again in a moment, like a conjuring-trick. 
It was so large that she couldn’t help feeling a little shy 
with it, as she had been with the mutton : however, she 
conquered her shyness by a great effort, and cut a slice 
and handed it to the Red Queen. 

“ What impertinence ! ” said the Pudding. “ I 
wonder how you’d like it, if I were to cut a slice out of 
you , you creature ! ” 

It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, and Alice 
hadn’t a word to say in reply : she could only sit and 
look at it and gasp. 

“ Make a remark,” said the Red Queen : “ it’s ridicu- 
lous to leave all the conversation to the pudding ! ” 

“ Do you know, I’ve had such a quantity of poetry 
repeated to me to-day,” Alice began, a little frightened at 
finding that, the moment she opened her lips, there was 
dead silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her ; “ and it’s 
a very curious thing, I think — every poem was about 
fishes in some way. Do you know why they’re so fond 
of fishes, all about here ? ” 

She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer was a 
little wide of the mark. 

“ As to fishes,” she said, very slowly and solemnly, 
putting her mouth close to Alice’s ear, “ her White 

3°6 


Queen Alice 

Majesty knows a lovely riddle — all in poetry — all about 
fishes. Shall she repeat it ? ” 

“ Her Red Majesty’s very kind to mention it,” the 
White Queen murmured into Alice’s other ear, in a voice 
like the cooing of a pigeon. “ It would be such a treat ! 
May I?” 

“ Please do,” Alice said very politely. 

The White Queen laughed with delight, and stroked 
Alice’s cheek. Then she began : 

“ * First, the fish must be caught 
That is easy : a baby, I think, could have caught it. 

* Next, the fish must be bought . * 

That is easy : a penny, I think, would have bought it. 

* Now cook me the fish ! * 

That is easy, and will not take more than a minute. 

* Let it lie in a dish ! ’ 

That is easy, because it already is in it. 

* Bring it here / Let me sup / * 

It is easy to set such a dish on the table. 

* Take the dish cover up ! * 

Ah, that is so hard that I fear Vm unable f 

For it holds it like glue — 

Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the middle: 

Which is easiest to do. 

Un-dish-cover the fish , or dishcover the riddle ?” 

<c Take a minute to think about it, and then guess, 
said the Red Queen. “ Meanwhile, we’ll drink your 
health — Queen Alice’s health ! ” she screamed at the top 

307 


Through the Looking-Glass 

of her voice, and all the guests began drinking it directly, 
and very queerly they managed it : some of them put 
their glasses upon their heads like extinguishers, and 
drank all that trickled down their faces — others upset the 
decanters, and drank the wine as it ran off the edges of 
the table — and three of them (who looked like kangaroos) 
scrambled into the dish of roast mutton, and began eagerly 
lapping up the gravy, “ just like pigs in a trough ! ” 
thought Alice. 

“You ought to return thanks in a neat spefech,” the 
Red Queen said, frowning at Alice as she spoke. 

“ We must support you, you know,” the White 
Queen whispered, as Alice got up to do it, very obedi- 
ently, but a little frightened. 

“Thank you very much,” she whispered in reply, 
“ but I can do quite well without.” 

“That wouldn’t be at all the thing,” the Red Queen 
said very decidedly : so Alice tried to submit to it with 
a good grace. 

(“ And they did push so ! ” she said afterward, when 
she was telling her sister the history of the feast. “ You 
would have thought they wanted to squeeze me flat ! ”) 

In fact, it was rather difficult for her to keep in her 
place while she made her speech : the two Queens pushed 
her so, one on each side, that they nearly lifted her up 
into the air. “ I rise to return thanks — ” Alice began : 
and she really did rise as she spoke, several inches ; but 
she got hold of the edge of the table, and managed to 
pull herself down again. 


308 


Queen Alice 

“ Take care of yourself! ” screamed the White Queen, 
seizing Alice’s hair with both her hands. “ Something’s 
going to happen ! ” 

And then (as Alice afterward described it) all sorts of 
things happened in a moment. The candles all grew up 
to the ceiling, looking something like a bed of rushes 
with fireworks at the top. As to the bottles, they each 
took a pair of plates, which they hastily fitted on as wings, 
and so, with forks for legs, went fluttering about in all 
directions : “ and very like birds they look,” Alice 
thought to herself, as well as she could in the dreadful 
confusion that was beginning. 

At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh at her side, 
and turned to see what was the matter with the White 
Queen ; but, instead of the Queen, there was the leg of 
mutton sitting in the chair. <£ Here I am ! ” cried a voice 
from the soup-tureen, and Alice turned again, just in time 
to see the Queen’s broad, good-natured face grinning at 
her for a moment over the edge of the tureen, before she 
disappeared into the soup. 

There was not a moment to be lost. Already several 
of the guests were lying down in the dishes, and the soup- 
ladle was walking up the table toward Alice’s chair, 
and beckoning to her impatiently to get out of its way. 

“ I can’t stand this any longer ! ” she cried, as she 
jumped up and seized the tablecloth with both hands : 
one good pull, and plates, dishes, guests, and candles 
came crashing down together in a heap on the floor. 

“ And as tor you” she went on, turning fiercely upon 
3°9 


Through the Looking-Glass 


the Red Queen, whom 
she considered as the 
cause of all the mischief 
— but the Queen was no 
longer at her side — she 
had suddenly dwindled 
down to the size of a 
little doll, and was now 
on the table, merrily 
running round and 



round after her own shawl, which was trailing be- 
hind her. 


310 


Queen Alice 

At any other time, Alice would have felt surprised at 
this, but she was far too much excited to be surprised at 
anything now. “ As for you,” she repeated, catching hold 
of the little creature in the very act of jumping over a 
bottle which had just lighted upon the table, “ I’ll shake 
you into a kitten, that I will ! ” 



CHAPTER X 

SHAKING 

S HE took her off the table as she spoke, and shook 
her backward and forward with all her might. 
The Red Queen made no resistance whatever : 
only her face grew very small, and her eyes got large and 
green : and still, as Alice went on shaking her, she kept 
on growing shorter — and fatter — and softer — and rounder 
— and — 


312 


CHAPTER XI 


WAKING 

-and it really was a kitten, after all. 



3i3 


CHAPTER XII 


WHICH DREAMED IT? 

f ^\/OUR Red Majesty shouldn’t purr so loud,” 
Alice said, rubbing her eyes, and addressing 
the kitten, respectfully, yet with some severity. 
“ You woke me out of oh ! such a nice dream ! And 
you’ve been along with me, Kitty — all through the Look- 
ing-Glass world. Did you know it, dear ? ” 

It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens (Alice had 
once made the remark) that, whatever you say to them, 
they always purr. “ If they would only purr for ‘yes,’ 
and mew for ‘ no,’ or any rule of that sort,” she had said, 
“ so that one could keep up a conversation ! But how 
can you talk with a person if they always say the same 
thing? ” 

On this occasion the kitten only purred : and it was 
impossible to guess whether it meant “ yes ” or “ no.” 

So Alice hunted among the chessmen on the table till 
she had found the Red Queen : then she went down on 
her knees on the hearth-rug, and put the kitten and the 
Queen to look at each other. “ Now, Kitty ! ” she cried, 
clapping her hands triumphantly. “ Confess that was 
what you turned into ! ” 


3H 


Which Dreamed It? 

(“ But it wouldn’t look at it,” she said, when she was 
explaining the thing afterward to her sister : “ it turned 
away its head, and pretended not to see it : but it looked 
a little ashamed of itself, so I think it must have been the 
Red Queen.”) 

“ Sit up a little more stiffly, dear ! ” Alice cried with 



a merry laugh. “ And curtsey while you’re thinking what 
to — what to purr. It saves time, remember ! ” And she 
caught it up and gave it one little kiss, “just in honor 
of its having been a Red Queen.” 

“ Snowdrop, my pet ! ” she went on, looking over her 
shoulder at the White Kitten, which was still patiently 
undergoing its toilet, “when will Dinah have finished 
3i5 


Through the Looking-Glass 

with your White Majesty, I wonder ? That must be the 
reason you were so untidy in my dream — Dinah ! Do 
you know that you’re scrubbing a White Queen ? Really, 
it’s most disrespectful of you ! 

“ And what did Dinah turn to, I wonder ? ” she prat- 
tled on, as she settled comfortably down, with one elbow 
on the rug, and her chin in her hand, to watch the kit- 
tens. “Tell me, Dinah, did you turn to Humpty 
Dumpty? I think you did — however, you’d better not 
mention it to your friends just yet, for I’m not sure. 

“ By the way, Kitty, if only you’d been really with 
me in my dream, there was one thing you would have 
enjoyed — I had such a quantity of poetry said to me, 
all about fishes ! To-morrow morning you shall have 
a real treat. All the time you’re eating your breakfast, 
I’ll repeat c The Walrus and the Carpenter ’ to you ; and 
then you can make believe it’s oysters, dear ! 

“Now, Kitty, let’s consider who it was that dreamed 
it all. This is a serious question, my dear, and you 
should not go on licking your paw like that — as if Dinah 
hadn’t washed you this morning! You see, Kitty, it 
must have been either me or the Red King. He was 
part of my dream, of course — but then I was part of his 
dream, too! Was it the Red King, Kitty? You were 
his wife, my dear, so you ought to know — Oh, Kitty, do 
help to settle it ! I’m sure your paw can wait ! ” But the 
provoking kitten only began on the other paw, and pre- 
tended it hadn’t heard the question. 

Which do you think it was ? 

3 j 6 


Which Dreamed It? 


A boat, beneath a sunny sky 
Lingering onward dreamily 
In an evening of July — 

Children three that nestle near. 
Eager eye and willing ear. 

Pleased a simple tale to hear — 

Long has paled that sunny sky : 
Echoes fade and memories die : 
Autumn frosts have slain July. 

Still she haunts me, phantomwise, 
Alice moving under skies 
Never seen by waking eyes. 

Children yet, the tale to hear. 
Eager eye and willing ear. 
Lovingly shall nestle near. 

In a Wonderland they lie. 
Dreaming as the days go by. 
Dreaming as the summers die : 

Ever drifting down the stream — 
Lingering in the golden gleam — 
Life, what is it but a dream ? 


THE END 


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